Loving the journey, no really!!!

We've seen millions of those inspirational messages with pretty pictures about how life is a journey, not a destination and we need to enjoy the journey right? 


As a travel enthusiast, I so see the truth in the idea. 

As a life enthusiast, I so find the joy in every day, and I think that was the meaning I took from that saying or idea.

As a learning enthusiast, I think I finally get it! 

As a woman entrepreneur, like you, I am on a constant path of learning, improving, building new skills. I have a pile of business books, self-help books, motivational books. I get excited about new ideas and am always trying to improve myself and my business.


In my direct sales business, one of the huge points that is repeated over and over and over again in every training and at every conference ad nauseum is this idea of a big WHY. 
"When your why is big enough, you'll find the how."
I'll be truthful, in 8 years, I've searched and searched and using all the tools and ideologies presented to me, it's never worked for me. Never. 

I'm reading a fabulous book - Networking is Dead - I highly recommend it! I took intense interest in the lesson about confusing the what with the why. "When your why is bigger than your what or your how you become an attractor of possibility."

Finishing up the end of my amazing year working with business coach Christine Gallagher, and preparing for a coaching call this week, I had one of those "big a-has" that we hear so much about.

My why isn't about me. Well, it is in it's what I want to create in the world, but it's not about the vision of the life I want to create for me. That is the result, that's the what. That's not the why. 

I friggin' GET IT!

My why isn't so I can retire from corporate America permanently and become a real, full time, honest to goodness entrepreneur - you know - safety net free. My why isn't the business and the schedule and the income that will allow me to spend the time with my husband I want and travel when and where we want.

I want to work with more women entrepreneurs, in BOTH of my businesses. More importantly, the reason I want that is because I want to serve them. I don’t just want to sell product for the sake of the almighty dollar. I want to help women entrepreneurs to find a way to take the kind of care of themselves that they need and that they know they need. I want to make it not only possible, but even easy for them to make that oh so important time to connect with those most important women in their life. I want to influence a team of leaders to make the same kind of impact, each in their own way. I want to create a community, a family of great women.

And I am SO blessed that I see a bigger vision of the IMPACT I can have on women entrepreneurs than I ever saw before. 

Because of the journey. WOW am I loving it!

So ladies, stay tuned. I am here to serve you. 



Do you want to promote yourself or your business? I will connect you with the BEST networking organization in the US. Over 40 Females combines education and pampering at each uniquely themed event while providing support and encouragement to women on the social and business networking platforms. 

Have you considered that proper self-care is actually a business resource and tool that you should be tending right up there with personal and professional improvement? Let's connect. I would love to help you claim that sacred connection time with those women in your life you've been promising to connect with, and create with you a personal sanctuary so you can make that self-care time at the snap of your fingers.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Click on that commenty box below and share your why or your what or if you just get what I'm saying.  

Passion, Inspiration, Change and Acceptance

Yikes, it's been a while since I posted a blog. I suppose not so surprising. At least not to me, or my husband or my best friend or my business coach who see my journey up close and personal.

Like many, if not all of you, I am pretty busy. I have a 9-5 job, as well as my Wine, Women & Wax business. I train my dog in agility and myself in endurance sports (obstacle racing currently). I attend social and business networking as well as live music events. So, it may seem insane that I decided to add another HUGE item to the top of my list. I started another business. 

Now I have added the title Chapter Director of the Chicago Chapter of Over 40 Females. It has been a fun, scary, exciting journey so far, and I've only just started. 

How did I get here?

Can I handle it?

Is my other business going away? 

I'm going to be super frank and honest here, no sugar coating or beating around the bush, so ... you've been warned.

How did I get here?

I have been in the home fragrance and decor business for nearly 8 years now. Like many other direct sales professionals, I've cycled through abundance and struggle. The past 2 years, it's felt more like struggle than anything else. Every business changes, and ours has as well. Online sales have changed a lot of how we do business, the marketplace has changed and shifted.

So, I have been working with an amazing business coach, Christine Gallagher during the past year. We narrowed my target market, and although my business hasn't grown by leaps and bounds, I am enjoying working with my customers more because they are the right customers for me.

In one of our discussions, well in 3 of our discussions, I mentioned this idea I had that I wasn't sure what to do with. I had this vision of a recurring service event for women. An event where women would come and be pampered, and have fun, and not be subjected to a hard sell. Every time it came up, I started trying to work out how I could make it happen, then I would run into a stumbling block and stop working on it. 

The third time it came up, Christine lovingly and firmly told me "You know this means you are actually going to have to do this right?" So, I started doing some research, as directed. I can let myself down, I certainly can't let her down! In the process, I found this amazing National Organization, Over 40 Females. They are doing exactly what I had envisioned and MORE. Of course, they aren't in Chicago, well, we weren't. I contacted the organization, interviewed with the head of chapter directors and we decided it would be a great fit, and a very symbiotic fit with my current business. 

Once I had made this decision and started down the path of launching this organization, a lot of stuff came up. Old stuff that I had totally convinced myself I had dealt with and overcome. Loads of self doubt the biggest. On another coaching call with Christine, she so perfectly described what had happened to me, that I hadn't even seen myself. She said, it seemed like the light inside you had gone out. It had. 

My spark for my business had gone out. I felt stuck and frustrated and didn't know where to turn. New customers trickled in, but didn't flow. I felt like I was working SO hard and getting little to no results in return. I didn't want to work on my business because I wasn't getting results, and I wasn't getting juice. I felt tired of beating my head against the proverbial wall. And the same question kept coming up over and over again. Get in front of the right people.

I am having SO much fun connecting other women. I am having SO much fun arranging and coordinating monthly events. I am having SO much fun meeting other powerful, vibrant, successful business women and standing shoulder to shoulder with them. 

I took note this week of a phenomenon I've experienced already several times in launching and growing this group. Women LOVE to connect and promote other women. I was looking for speakers for my June event, reached out to my connections on Linked In, and received nearly 100 responses and strong connections and recommendations. 

So, I see a path in front of me now. It's a little different than the path I saw before. It's exciting and empowering... hmmm a coincidence that the mission of Over 40 Females is Connect, Encourage and Inspire? I accept myself, I accept that I had some more changing and growing to do. I accept that my business had to change more than I knew. Your journey never unfolds just as you think it will. 

Now, I see my Wine, Women and Wax business growing alongside my exciting , vibrant, Chicago Chapter of Over 40 Females. I see myself serving women better than I ever could have before. I see myself bringing women together for more reasons than I ever could have with my Wine, Women and Wax business alone. I feel such passion and inspiration every day when I go to work on BOTH my businesses, I wake up with ideas, I have trouble falling asleep because I have so many ideas I want to unleash.

And I LIKE what I see! 

Cleaning your closet

Does anyone else follow the same closet cleaning model I do? In order to clean your closet, first you have to take everything OUT.

Before you begin the cleaning, first you have to make the mess a LOT bigger.

Sometimes we have to do this in our lives. I recently had a minor epiphany, I'm launching a new endeavor and it is going really, really well. As I discussed some of the "self-talk" changes I've noticed recently with my husband, I realized that the "self-talk" being replaced was something I hadn't admitted to myself even existed.

Some time ago, I was in a situation where some colleagues unleashed a campaign of negativity and bad press that would have made "The Heathers" proud. Of course, I had convinced myself that I was over it, I was bigger than it and it was all behind me. What I realized most recently, was that when I experience a setback in my business, those are exactly the voices in the quiet recesses of my subconscious that make me question myself. 

We never really listen to those voices consciously, so I managed to ignore them all this time, while they were worming their way deeper and deeper into my self conscious mind.

Going through the process of admitting to myself that these nasty old negative voices were there and were affecting my mindset and my actions has been extremely cathartic and refreshing. 

But now I realize, that before I'm truly through with these particular demons, before I can really say that they have no power over me, I need to fully 
expose them. 

Like cleaning out my closet. 

Do you need to do some closet cleaning in your life?

It is a powerful, rewarding and extremely effective form of self-care. If we're brave enough to do it.

And don't we all love a well organized and well stocked closet?

 

 

Girlfriend Guilt

If you are anything like me, you have a list of girlfriends, or other favorite people in your life that you are always promising to get together with. Do these comments sound familiar?

It's been too long, we need to get together.

As soon as (insert child's sport) season is over, we need to go get coffee.

Let's do lunch after (insert current life event).

So week after week and month after month, time expands and you still haven't kept that promise you made to someone in your life you truly care about and really enjoy spending time with. 

And it's a catch 22. You feel guilty because you haven't kept your commitment, and you feel guilty, as if it's self-indulgent, to take the time to keep the commitment. You can't win. 

And now the holidays are here, and that guilt feels more present than ever. This is the time of year to connect with those you don't see often. Now you add a layer of social expectation to your guilt cycle. 

And to top it all off, you have a boat load of extra things on your list to get done.

But what if that's the answer, not another problem?

Guess what? 

All of your girlfriends and favorite people have a boat load of extra things on their list to get done too! 

What if you did some of them together? 

• Knock out the last of your holiday shopping together
• Have a cookie baking day
• Make holiday party appetizers or hors d'oeuvres that can be frozen and reheated
• Go to drop off your holiday donations together
• Do a kid watching swap and steal 15-30 minutes to visit at drop off/pick up
• My personal favorite, and something I have done with my girlfriends in the past, a gift wrapping party - everyone has a bunch of gifts to wrap - get together at 1 person's house and visit and catch up while you get your wrapping done

These are just a few suggestions, but you can apply this to anything you have on your list. And it's not just something you can do during the holidays, any time of year you can call your girlfriend and see if she needs or wants to do one of the things on your to-do list that week. It's more fun to do together too!

That is good self-care! Getting stuff crossed off your list, banishing the guilt around keeping our commitments to our very favorite people, and the best part, actually getting to see and spend time with them!

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
 
 
If you haven't yet, get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 

 

Routine

I felt so proud of myself this weekend. 

Has anyone else bought those 4 step face care systems but almost never do all 4 steps? You know you should, you understand the steps and why they work. In my case, the system corrected my adult onset acne, so I totally get it, but in the frenzy of my morning and evening routines, I convince myself that I can't spare the 1 or 2 minutes it would take to complete "the whole thing" which I think I imagine to be like an hour in my mind. You have to wash, exfoliate, tone, spot treat and hydrate, and then there's the mask! Heck, half the time, I take my eye makeup off, but don't even manage to wash the rest of the makeup off. It's such a small thing, such a minute amount of time, but I manage to make myself believe that I can't spare even that. 

But this Saturday, I held myself to my commitment to myself. I worked out, and I did my whole face care routine in the morning. It took less than 5 minutes. I didn't manage to do it in the evening as well, but I added it to 1 routine and it made me feel GREAT!

It's funny how we can make excuses not to do the things we know we should do for ourselves, for our health and well being, even when they are small. We aren't really saving that much time for other activities, but we think we are.

But here's the cool thing... once you make these tiny adjustments and add them to your routine, you start taking better care of yourself without the herculean effort you think it requires. 

You wouldn't think of waking up or going to bed without brushing your teeth, right? It's just routine.

Sorry, had to throw in a bit of a chuckle there :) 
 
Choose something tiny, miniscule that you know you should be doing to take care of yourself. Something you've been meaning and meaning and meaning to do, but keep finding reasons not to. Add it to 1 of your daily routines. Remember, it takes 30 days to make a habit, so do it for 30 days, and see the difference it makes!

I'd love to hear the item you are going to add!

Hey! I'm going to be on the radio! LIVE on Wednesday, December 12th @ 7:00 PM CST at www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
You can listen live, via replay, see the schedule and download the Smartphone app at: www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
 
Get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html
      

Playing Hooky

Did you ever play hooky in school? Maybe it was senior skip day, or maybe you snuck out before last period one day. 

It's kind of an exhilarating feeling. This feeling of hard won freedom, though in truth, you didn't work hard to earn it, you took a risk, right? And your reward is some time, an hour, an afternoon, or a day doing something you really enjoy, feeling rejuvenated and this fun sense of invigoration.

I got to thinking about this today as it relates to what I do. I help women play hooky from their to-do lists.
Very often, when I get together with a group of women, I start out by asking them what they would be doing if they weren't there, enjoying some wine, women and wax. Typically, the answers are somewhere in the range of housework, homework, yard work or errands. We all proceed to thank the fabulous lady who is hosting the gathering that evening for getting us out of all of that!

Most women I know, are overworked, overwhelmed or under appreciated (sometimes all of the above).
We run from one thing to the next, always scanning the next 5 things on our to do list. If we're not working, we're taking care of the kids, or our parents, or our significant others, or a friend or family member in crisis. If we're not actively caring for another human being, we're chauffeuring the kids to or from an event, or running errands, or volunteering, or participating in the PTA or other committee. If we're not running around, we're doing housework, laundry, or homework.

When do we get time for US? How many of you find yourself moving your personal to-dos from this week's list to next week's list? Hair or nail appointments, exercise programs or plans, lunch or coffee with your girlfriend?

So how about it? How would you like to play hooky for a couple of hours? 


What would you do?



Wanna find out how you can reduce stress and guilt at the same time? Grab my free guide: www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Stress? Everyone's got it. So what? Right?

I know many of you are entrepreneurs, and so you are definitely a step or two ahead of the “average Jane” in that at least, you are passionate about what you do each day. But that doesn’t make it any less stressful. Some may say more stress, I say different stress. You’re not worried about the company layoffs, but you are worried about your company profits and where your next customer is going to come from.

What is your current stress level? 
 
Rate the following questions 1-5 on how true the statements are for you:

1. I find it difficult to keep up with everything going on in my life
2. I never seem to sleep enough
3. My energy isn't what I want it to be
4. I eat too much when I'm nervous
5. I get angry or frustrated over little things
6. I find it difficult to achieve the lifestyle I want
7. I find it difficult to take the time to take care of me
8. Anxiety, frustration, sadness, anger, guilt, or embarrassment get in the way of me enjoying my life
9. I find myself worrying about aspects of my life (1 for each)
   job finances success relationships marriage children

Compare your hand temperature to your neck temperature by touching your neck with the fingertips of both hands. Do your fingers feel colder than your neck? Do your fingers feel warm like your neck?
Warm Hands are Relaxed, Cold Hands are Tense.

If your fingers feel really cold, then you are showing extra tension perhaps too much stress.
If your fingers feel cool, then you are showing some tension.
If your fingers are warm like your neck, then you may be relaxed and comfortable.
If your fingers feel hotter than your neck, then you may be deeply relaxed.

Rate Yourself:

Score:

9-18         You are one cool cucumber, one happy camper. You got it under  
                control. Go YOU! You should share your secrets with your friends.
19-27       You are right on the edge. Still in control, but starting to feel the 
                signs.
28-37       We need to talk! You seriously need to schedule some girl time.     
                Maybe a 2nd glass of wine.
38-46       Danger danger Will Robinson! You are on serious stress overload.
               We need a "6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine" intervention!

Now, if you've read my blog before, you know my top 2 stress relief suggestions. Whether you are able to get together with your girlfriends or not, whether you are able to create a calming space in your home or not, you still need to find your “Happy Place”. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow stepping off a curb. We have to stop waiting for “someday” to be happy. No more of this “I just have to knuckle down and really work the business now, and when we hit X then I can relax a little and take time to do “all those things”.

Aren’t “all those things” the whole point?

Women more than men as entrepreneurs, and business women make huge sacrifices believing that later, they’ll be able to make up for it, after they achieve their success. They miss the kids’ games, birthday parties, anniversary dinners, girlfriend lunches and they are still making 70 cents on the dollar compared to a man in the same position. Men don’t feel guilty about watching the game instead of mowing the lawn, or playing a round of golf instead of making an appearance at the neighborhood barbecue.
Women work twice as hard, make less money, all while taking care of every household detail. Now I know we are busy, and it’s tough to schedule play time. But isn’t that the whole point? Shouldn’t we take the kind of care of ourselves that we demand for those we love?
 
I know, especially busy women entrepreneurs are high octane people. “I thrive on stress.” Right? “I do my best work under pressure.” Right? But it adds up, and it sneaks up on you like grey hairs and before you know it you burn out.

And aside from the passion you feel for your business, isn’t part of why you want to be a successful business woman just so that you can enjoy “all those things”.  

A turning point in my life was when my husband was laid off from a corporate job that had made him so depressed he was a completely different person. We likened the layoff to when a loved one has been really sick for a long time, and they pass away. It’s sad, but it’s really a relief that the suffering is over. We decided it was our last best opportunity for him to pursue his life long dream rather than go back to doing what he hated somewhere else. We walked away from a 70K income and invested an additional 70K in the additional training he needed.
We decided we didn’t need to suffer any more. My husband’s happiness in his career was more important than his income or our lifestyle. I didn’t know how, but I knew I’d do anything to work it out.
So I started my business alongside my corporate position to supplement our income. Don’t worry, this isn’t a pitch for my “business opp”. Here’s the point, in helping my husband make his dream come true, I not only found a dream I didn’t even know I had, but I figured out that life is supposed to be good and happy. Every day.

 
We learned that it is truly never too late to bring your dream to life. At 43 years of age, my husband got hired as an airline pilot. No more sitting in a cubicle for him. We learned that anything really is possible.
And we’ve figured out that life is about each day, making the most of who we are, where we are and most importantly who we are with.
It turns out it wasn’t just me experiencing this - we all get so busy living life, that we forget to Live Life.

I love this picture. I have this hanging next to my mirror so I see it every morning. These aren’t my words, but it reminds me how great each day can be.

 Waking Up Full of Awesome

There was a time when you were five years old, and you woke up full of awesome.
You knew you were awesome. You loved yourself.
You thought you were beautiful, even with missing teeth and messy hair and mismatched socks inside your grubby sneakers.
You loved your body, and the things it could do. You thought you were strong. You knew you were smart.
Do you still have it? The awesome. Did someone take it from you? Did you let them?...
Look at her. She is full of awesome.
You were, once. Maybe you still are. Maybe you are in the process of getting it back.
All I know is that if you aren’t waking up feeling like this, you are really missing out.


And if you can’t find your awesome every day, find your happy place. Find your thing or list of things that make you smile, or better yet, make you giggle. Maybe your thing is your beautiful daughter, or your handsome son. Maybe your thing is the vacation to Maui you took 2 years ago and you would love to repeat. Maybe your thing is art, something beautiful like Monet. Maybe your thing is music. I definitely can’t have a bad day, when I start it off by shaking my groove thang or singing at the top of my lungs alone in my car.
Maybe your thing is really great shoes, I know I have a certain kind of joy when I’m wearing a really great pair of shoes.
My big “thing” is I find the funny. Truth be told, sometimes I find the funny in inappropriate things or situations, and I have to stifle my giggle. More truth be told, sometimes I’m more successful at giggle stifling than others.

And here the secret formula:
Start your day with that thing. Before you walk out the door, or pick up the phone for your first business conversation, go to your happy place. Give yourself the gift of 30 seconds - heck go for it and maybe give yourself a whole minute. Think about your thing. Look at yourself in the mirror with that huge smile on your face.
And then, when you feel your stress levels on the rise, take a moment, take a breath, and go to your thing, your happy place, and (if it’s not completely inappropriate) give yourself the gift of that smile again.

You’ll be surprised how much just that moment in your happy place will drain some of that stress away.

Fall Harvest

The cooler weather is a joyful blessing in our house. We love having the windows open and the cooler air breezing through the house.

This time of year, we see all the farmers harvesting and gathering their crops. I got to musing, it's the season where we all harvest and gather our friends and loved ones as well.

Summer is busy with vacations, and more individual activities. There are the occasional picnics or Barbeques but by and large, everyone seems to be focused on the kids summer activities, or the family vacations and not a lot on just gathering with friends and other loved ones.

As fall arrives with it's subtle color changes, and invitation to gather by the fire, we find ourselves reconnecting with our friends and loved ones. At least, I sure do. 

I enjoyed a FABULOUS dinner with my best girlfriend this week - wine and sushi! It was marvelous. And we committed to a date on the calendar for dinner just us two once a month at a minimum :D

With the kids back in school and on a more regular schedule, I've planned dinner with another girlfriend this month as well.

And don't forget... this gathering with our friends does magnitudes to reduce and help manage our stress levels. Just one more reason for 6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine.

What do you think, does the change of seasons and the cooler temps call you to gather with your friends?
I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Stress levels rising to critical levels in women

Stress levels in women have reached epidemic proportions. 75 to 90 percent of visits to primary care physicians are for stress-related complaints. Increases in heart disease, sleeping problems, stomach ailments, infertility and chronic fatigue syndrome (also diagnosed as fibromyalgia).

All of this because we are too stressed out, and we do nothing about it!

You remember, when we were kids, we couldn’t wait until we grew up and no one was bossing us around, and we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted, right? 
Many of us had a short period of time in our lives when that was actually true, it was called College. Then, our parents, or mentors, or someone in our lives told us that we had to “grow up” and that “life’s not just one big party” and we had to become responsible and fly right. 
So then we spend the next 40 or 50 YEARS waiting until we can retire so we can do whatever we want whenever we want. 

Well, the sobering truth is that a lot of folks don’t make it to enjoy their retirement and most people who do certainly can’t do whatever they want once they do retire because they are either sick and feeble or living on a shoestring or both.

So here’s the scoop, we need to find a way to enjoy our lives today. We have to stop waiting for that magical someday to come because it just might not. 
Now, I’m not telling you that if you have a job you hate that I can fix that (well, actually maybe I can, but that’s not what I'm talking about today), and I’m not telling you that I can fix any issues that may exist with your spouse or significant other. And I’m certainly not telling you that I can prevent your kids from making you crazy. What I am telling you, is that there are things you can do to manage your stress, so that these things aren’t ruling YOU and they aren’t the only thoughts that camp out in your brain 24 hours a day. And they’re so much easier than you might think.

Check this out...

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman BUT for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.

At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. - Did you catch that?

There's a tendency to think that when we are exercising we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged--not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other women is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! - WOW as dangerous as smoking!

OK - I want everyone to take note, the head of psychiatry at Stanford University has gone on record saying that having a glass of wine with your girlfriends is as important as exercise and NOT doing so is as dangerous as smoking! Well, maybe he didn’t say the wine was a requirement, but we need those antioxidants, right?

In between our “grown up play dates” there is something else we can do, to decrease our stress levels passively on a daily basis.



 

Women need a place in their home that is just for them. Whether it is a bedroom or bathroom sanctuary, or a quiet corner of a living room with a comfy chair and a book-stand. Women need to create for themselves that special place where they can unwind and recharge so we can face the next day, or the rest of today. 

It's not a luxury, it's critical to our well being and the well being of all those we care for. 

Some of the most popular personal sanctuaries are: a reading nook, a bathroom spa, a bedroom escape, a meditation space and a backyard oasis, but they can be as unique and varied as we are as women. What is your idea of a personal sanctuary?

What they all have in common is that they create a unique feeling, and grant the ability to breathe a relaxing sigh.


This taking care of ourselves stuff is really truly important. Not all new age and woo woo. We blow it off and then we wonder why our physical and mental health is on a constant state of decline. We tell ourselves that we just need to make it through Friday and then we'll get a chance to regroup. Then the weekend comes and goes with its own list of to-do's and chores and obligations. And before we know it, it’s Sunday night and we’re just as exhausted, overwhelmed, overworked and underappreciated as we were on Tuesday or Wednesday.

So what are you waiting for? Share in the comments: Are you going to schedule a "grown up play date" on your calendar this week, or what is your idea of a personal sanctuary (bathroom, bedroom, meditation space, backyard)?

Women: multi-tasking vs focus and stress

As women, one of our greatest strengths is our ability to excel at multitasking, or is it? 

How many of you remember the old Enjoli commercial?

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re the man … cause I’m a woman --- Enjoli

We’re led to believe that to be a “real woman” we need to be able to do it all, starting with “bringing home the bacon” while taking care of every household detail, keeping our children away from the TV and on a gluten free sugar free non-hormone fed organic diet and still have preternaturally shiny hair!!!

Women, especially women in business, ESPECIALLY women entrepreneurs, have a constant list of items and areas in their life that they are actively working to improve.

I've taken note recently that I apparently only have the ability to really be able to focus to achieve excellence in 2 or 3 areas of my life at a time. 
Unfortunately, I have 5 or 6 that I actively want to achieve more in and be great in. 
But as I try to "do it all"...
One week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to exercise and work with my dog every day but order take out 3 nights out of the week. 
The next week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to work out 5 days that week but barely see my husband when he's home. 
The following week, I'll plan and shop and prepare super healthy meals for my husband and myself but only take the dog for 2 short walks.
 
Something always seems to fall short. 

And while I definitely excel at cleaning the kitchen while preparing an amazing meal, or listening to a great self help or motivational book while working out or walking my dog, or reading and sending emails while entering client orders, telling myself that I can focus on, and achieve true excellence in all these areas at the same time only serves to increase my frustration and stress level.

We're bombarded with images of celebrities who appear to be able to seamlessly and effortlessly "do it all" and more!

• Madonna is a Singer/Actress/Director/Fitness Guru/Mom
• Gwen Stefani is a Singer/Songwriter/Clothing Designer/Mom
• Beyonce is a Singer/Composer/Actress/Producer/New Mom
• Zooey Deschanel is an Actress/Musician/Blogger
• Jennifer Lopez is a Dancer/Singer/Actress/Producer/TV Judge/Clothing Designer/Mom

And we start to think that there's something wrong with us if we struggle to balance
Work/Entrepreneur/Home/Mom/Wife/Best Friend/Fit and Active Woman/Healthy Meal Planner

Well, just a sanity check here, note that there are some celebrities who don't excel at "having it all".

• Nicky Hilton didn't inherit the "hotel" gene.
• Natalie Portman's new vegan-friendly line of footwear was a flop.
• The Kardashians are terrible at banking.
• Kim Basinger thought Georgia could be the Las Vegas of the South
• Suzanne Sommers wanted to help you prepare family meals.
• Supermodels Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer, Elle McPherson and Naomi Campbell couldn't quite get people excited about a new cafe.

I'll also remind you that those that DO succeed and make it look seamless and effortless have STAFF... Lots and Lots of staff! 

No wonder at the end of the week, we always find ourselves with 30 things on our "to do" list that we never got around to.

So, to minimize your stress and frustration, my greatest tip is to ease up on yourself. Give yourself a break and don't expect to be able to multi task your way to all the things you're working towards all at once.

They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. I think realistically, it is more like 45-60.

First, you need to plan your schedule at least a week in advance, and honestly put on there all the things you have committments to, the non-negotiables first.
 
Then, honestly list and prioritize those things in your life you want to give focus to. 

My list is:

• My husband - plan my schedule so that we can spend time together when his schedule permits
• My dog (kid) - actively engage, train and give quality time to
• My business - grow, expand and fully book my client calendar
• Get fit and strong - exercise 5-6 times per week to lose weight and get strong and fit
• Eat healthy - plan, shop for and prepare healthy meals to achieve our weight loss and fitness goals
• My friends - schedule and spend time with my friends

Next, pick 1 or 2 things to make a focus on for a solid month, if not two.

Use that month (or 45 or 60 days) to build a habit out of this focus.
 
Once your focus becomes a habit, it no longer requires as much of your focus. 

You don't have to plan or squeeze in brushing your teeth, putting on your makeup, getting dressed or fixing your hair. Yet, you find time for those activites every day. (OK there may be days when you don't put on makeup or fix your hair, but I know you don't skip brushing your teeth!)
That is because these things are simply habit. They happen on auto pilot, without you giving them much if any conscious thought.

Finally, be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up if the 4th, 5th and 6th place items on your priority list don't get done this week or this month. You'll focus on those next month, or next quarter. BUT by the time a year is out, you will have built strong healthy habits without stress and frustration and you'll be a whole lot closer to your goals!

Share in the comments what is on your list and what your top 2 items are.

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Your Network is your Net Worth

As a woman in business, how much time do you dedicate each month to networking? Business mingling? After hours? Progressive luncheons? 

How much time are you spending nourishing your existing relationships?

This weekend, we were super excited because Mike was home for 2 of the 3 days of the 3 day weekend and this is unusual for us with his pilot schedule. We planned a dinner out and then to go see a friend's band play at a local bar.

We had such a great time! The band was great, Jeff was having a great time, and he was visibly pleased to have a superior cheering section. --- I am a fantastic WOO'er and Mike has that awesome guy whistle that can cut through a crowd like a hot knife through butter.

After they were done playing, we hung out until the bar closed and kicked us out and my girlfriend commented how nice it was to get together, and how long it has been since we've seen each other. And Jeff sent me a note the next morning thanking us again for coming out and saying how nice it was to see each other.
 

Of course, that got me to thinking.... Gosh! It has been a long time!

Why do we let these excuses get in the way?

I need to follow my own advice. and Schedule it!

We used to see Jeff and Donna all the time. Even after the first baby, even after the second baby. Since the third baby, we've just gotten lazy, fallen out of the habit of scheduling time. We've let the excuses get in the way. It's not so tough, even with the kids in activities and my busy schedule with a full time job, training schedule for my fall race and my own business. Really. We pick an evening and I pop over about a half hour before the kids hit the sack, so I get some Auntie Shannon time with the munchkins. Then we pour a glass of wine or two and catch up.

What excuses are you letting get in the way? 

What fabulous people in your life do you miss seeing?
 

What relationships that you ALREADY have in your life are you not nurturing?

Your Network is your Net Worth.

Each day is more precious than we know

 Today is a perfect day to be happy.
Every day is a perfect day to be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 I talk often about seizing the day and finding ways to manage your stress and find your happiness each day. I do believe with all of my heart that this is my mission and my message. The road that my husband and I traveled when he was laid off and changed careers led me there.

This week I was reminded how precious and fleeting each day can be. A dear friend lost her home in a sudden fire. Thankfully, they are all safe, but they lost absolutely everything. This message is not about things, your home or your property, although I am more profoundly grateful for the home I have than ever before. I find myself far less worried about the things that aren't perfect and the projects that aren't finished.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Today is all we have. And it is our duty to find joy in the day. I am watching my friend in the wake of this enormous tragedy and she is beyond an inspiration to me. She is definitely in shock, she has definitely cried her share of tears. But with nothing but the clothes on her back, she is joyously approaching each day.
 

This is a picture of her and 2 of her children taking a break for some fun while shopping for necessities. 

A quote from her "Oh my gosh. I can't even read my facebook without crying tears of gratitude. The overwhelming support to my family has literally caused me the greatest emotions I have ever felt. The loss of our stuff has become one of the greatest blesings to our souls. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"

Ladies, we are much worse about this than the men, and the kicker is ... we also have the bonus of GUILT.
How many times in the past year have you promised to get together with your girlfriends? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?
How many times have you promised yourself that you would schedule some "you" time? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?

Time is precious. Time is fleeting. Just look at your kids to be reminded how fast it goes.
You tell yourself - oh I'll have time for that when the kids are in school, or off to college, or finally out of the house
or - we'll have time to take that vacation when we retire.

You can't put your happiness on hold. Tomorrow is guaranteed for no one.

Be thankful today.

Be happy today.

Share that happiness with everyone you see. You just don't know the impact it may have.

P.S. if you are a hot sauce lover, Steve Ozbolt from Emerald City Catering is having a "Fire Sale". Anyone who orders a 3pk of his Big Boss BBQ sauce (any flavor) will receive a complimentary bottle of Fire Sauce and all proceeds will go to the Jones family. The offer ends on Oct 1st, so don't delay. Be sure to tell them that you are ordering for the Jones fire fund on checkout.

Just Relax!

Is it just me, or when you are all spun up about something, or feeling excessively tense, or just completely overwhelmed and someone, a well meaning someone, tells you to "Just Relax" does it have the opposite effect?

But when you are overwhelmed, over worked and just ready to tip over the edge you need SOMETHING. And we're all tempted to do the most unhealthy things to get through. We grab a chocolate bar, or some "comfort food", maybe a big bowl of ice cream or a gooey brownie. All those things are great to indulge in once in a while, and if you've been reading me for any time, you know I'm a big promoter of doing something that truly makes you happy and even indulging every now and then. The point here is that this isn't really going to reduce your stress level, and what's worse, it will increase the dreaded guilt!

As busy business women, we are constantly juggling and trying to clear an ever filling plate. We end up in a vicious cycle that leaves us feeling guilty and isolated. We feel guilty that we don't get to the things on our plate that have been there the longest, but always seem to lose out on priority. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our family when we're working. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our work when we're with our family. We feel guilty that we haven't come up with a solution to this whole "life balance" equation yet. We feel guilty that there are people in our lives we cherish that we promise and promise to see, but that commitment just ends up being another item on our plate with a "C" priority that doesn't make the cut. And perish the thought of doing something just for you.

But that's just the thing that you need.

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things a woman can do for her health is to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities.

Brain Chemistry information from Beverly Keyes Taylor @ www.genderbrainchemistry.com

Stress is the cause of almost all health problems, which is the direct effect of the level of cortisol released into the body during stressful times.  

The stressed man wants to withdraw and just relax, mindlessly forgetting about the stress of his day. This is a necessary action for him to rebuild the testosterone used up during the stress of the day.

The stressed woman wants to talk about her stress, as that increases her oxytocin and serotonin. As she talks to an intent and well trained listener, her levels of serotonin and oxytocin rise, and she begins to feel more relaxed. As women have more language centers in both hemispheres of the brain, she more easily articulates, communicates, and expresses her emotions and feelings.

When the stressed man is not allowed to recover his testosterone, and the stressed woman doesn’t raise her oxytocin level, their cortisol level stays high. This changes the brain chemistry, leaving them feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and even more stressed.

Not to mention, cortisol is the hormone that stores the toxins in the body. It surrounds them with water and fat, and stores them right in the mid section. Cortisol also raises the level of hypertension, coronary disease, embolisms and obesity. This vicious cycle begins with not taking care of the level of stress according to your gender. This changes the chemistry of your brain. Therefore you may notice physiological changes brought on by stress such as mood swings, irritability and depression. Physical changes such as of loss of health may follow.

So when we get together, and we talk about what's going on in our lives, we get relief. We get relief from the guilt over not keeping our commitment to see these wonderful ladies. We get relief from the feeling of isolation that we are the ONLY person going through what we're currently experiencing. We get relief from being "on-duty". We get encouragement, advice, support and strength from our community. We laugh, we reminisce, we relax. 

And our stress starts to melt away.

So the next time you hear "Just Relax" it's time to phone, text or email your favorite girlies and schedule some quality girl time.

I'm curious, when is the last time you got together with your girlfriends? What did you do?

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