Let go of the guilt and GLOW

I love what I do. I mean, I really love what I do.

This week, I had a phenomenal experience at one of my parties. My spectacular chiropractor and hostess set up the night with whimsy, she told all the ladies they were coming to a night of Wine Women & Wax. A couple of them thought we were having a night with wine and hair removal. We had wine, and snacks and pizza. The ladies connected and visited and rejoiced that we were in a room filled with peace and candlelight on a cold, snowy and blustery January night in Chicagoland. 

I began the night like I almost always do, sharing that I believe they did not come out to listen to me talk, but to talk to one another. I shared all the great specials they can take advantage of so they can get the best deal on their shopping, a quick and fun pass the gift game, and a couple quick tidbits.

• Consider creating a space just for you in your home where you can regroup, unwind and recharge at the end of the day.
• When women get together they physically produce more of a chemical oxytocin which reduces stress.
• They are all getting important anti-oxidants by sharing that glass of wine.

As the evening wound down, I received the most wonderful compliments that the ladies were so impressed with my "presentation" and that they really enjoyed connecting with one another, and had never been to another "home party" that gave them that opportunity. And I noted that another amazing thing that happens when women get together, is that we build each other up. We support one another, we comfort one another, we encourage one another, we exchange advice, we commiserate by sharing similar experiences and the compliments flow. 

How often do you get compliments every day?

Ladies, we spend so much of our lives caring for all those around us. You know you do. And you know you should be taking care of yourself better, you know that "self care stuff" is something you should be doing, but because it's for you, you never get to it. And why is it that this falls off of your list every week? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

Add to this, every time you chat with your girlfriend - sometimes via text or facebook message - you promise that you have to get together sometime soon, it's been too long. We can't let it go this long again. And the exact same thing happens. You never get to it. And why? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

But this time, the guilt is a double whammy - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because you feel guilty to "do for yourself" by making the time to spend with your girlfriend or you feel guilty for not keeping your promise to your girlfriend.

How can you win?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You need to take your self-care seriously. I have been thrilled to watch the "extreme self care" practice of Kelly O'Neil as she prepared for her amazing women's leadership conference. 

Take a stand for yourself. If your doctor said you had to make an appointment, you would. This is critical to your mental and physical well being. Say no to the guilt. Make a date with your favorite girls. Luxuriate in one another's company. Notice the glow each and every one of you has after spending time together.       

   
Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 
  

Wine, Women & Wax

The lights are low, nothing harsh to make you squint your eyes or scrunch your face. You and 6 girlfriends have cracked a bottle of wine and settled into the couches as the laughter starts to roll.

Time stands still, just for a couple of hours. You don't have to cook, clean, stop and pick up, drop everything and help, or answer ANYTHING. 

You catch up, you share stories, you compliment one another's latest outfit, hairstyle or shoes. You brainstorm, you comfort one another, you commiserate, you brag. 

As you get into your car to head home, you feel strong. You feel empowered. You feel ready to face tomorrow's lists and tasks and uncertainty with renewed vigor. 

That's what getting together with your girlfriends is for. When is the last time you did that? The holidays are over. You've spent the last 2 months taking car of everyone else in your life more than usual. You deserve a little me time, a little we time. 

What do you say? Give 'em a call! Want to add a little retail therapy? Give me a shout and I'll bring the wax!
 

Resolve to Regress this year

As the calendar year turns to begin anew, I, like most people, consider my plans for the year. Goals, commitments, vacations, plans...

One of the first things on my list is to plan for races I intend to complete in the coming year. Having finished 2 Warrior Dashes, and now my first Super Spartan, I am completely obsessed with obstacle races. 

Like many, I have significant goals to lose weight and improve my fitness in the coming year, to add emphasis to this, my company's annual incentive trip this year is to Hawaii for 6 days and 5 nights. As my husband and myself are extremely excited to earn and attend this year's trip, I am planning my training with added vigor. 

So, I started reading the Spartan Race eBook - all things training and mindset related to prepare you for a Spartan Race. A line jumped out at me and caught my attention

"When we were young, we loved to climb, run, jump and swing. We loved to play. It's part of who we are, yet it's often absent from our adult lives."

As kids, we loved to feel the wind in our hair, the sun on our face and the grass (or dirt or sand) under our feet. As we have moved through this thing called life, we work more and play less. So much less, in fact, that we lose the desire to play.

This year, as you make your list of hopes and dreams, your goals and resolutions, I propose that you resolve to regress. 

Go back. Go back to your youth and grab that vitality you had, grab the desire to go out and play. Run. Jump. Swing. Dance. Spin. Climb. Soar. 

Imagine how much younger you could feel as 2014 comes around. How's that for self care?

Have you grabbed your free guide yet? What are you waiting for? 
http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html      

 

Girlfriend Guilt

If you are anything like me, you have a list of girlfriends, or other favorite people in your life that you are always promising to get together with. Do these comments sound familiar?

It's been too long, we need to get together.

As soon as (insert child's sport) season is over, we need to go get coffee.

Let's do lunch after (insert current life event).

So week after week and month after month, time expands and you still haven't kept that promise you made to someone in your life you truly care about and really enjoy spending time with. 

And it's a catch 22. You feel guilty because you haven't kept your commitment, and you feel guilty, as if it's self-indulgent, to take the time to keep the commitment. You can't win. 

And now the holidays are here, and that guilt feels more present than ever. This is the time of year to connect with those you don't see often. Now you add a layer of social expectation to your guilt cycle. 

And to top it all off, you have a boat load of extra things on your list to get done.

But what if that's the answer, not another problem?

Guess what? 

All of your girlfriends and favorite people have a boat load of extra things on their list to get done too! 

What if you did some of them together? 

• Knock out the last of your holiday shopping together
• Have a cookie baking day
• Make holiday party appetizers or hors d'oeuvres that can be frozen and reheated
• Go to drop off your holiday donations together
• Do a kid watching swap and steal 15-30 minutes to visit at drop off/pick up
• My personal favorite, and something I have done with my girlfriends in the past, a gift wrapping party - everyone has a bunch of gifts to wrap - get together at 1 person's house and visit and catch up while you get your wrapping done

These are just a few suggestions, but you can apply this to anything you have on your list. And it's not just something you can do during the holidays, any time of year you can call your girlfriend and see if she needs or wants to do one of the things on your to-do list that week. It's more fun to do together too!

That is good self-care! Getting stuff crossed off your list, banishing the guilt around keeping our commitments to our very favorite people, and the best part, actually getting to see and spend time with them!

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
 
 
If you haven't yet, get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 

 

Routine

I felt so proud of myself this weekend. 

Has anyone else bought those 4 step face care systems but almost never do all 4 steps? You know you should, you understand the steps and why they work. In my case, the system corrected my adult onset acne, so I totally get it, but in the frenzy of my morning and evening routines, I convince myself that I can't spare the 1 or 2 minutes it would take to complete "the whole thing" which I think I imagine to be like an hour in my mind. You have to wash, exfoliate, tone, spot treat and hydrate, and then there's the mask! Heck, half the time, I take my eye makeup off, but don't even manage to wash the rest of the makeup off. It's such a small thing, such a minute amount of time, but I manage to make myself believe that I can't spare even that. 

But this Saturday, I held myself to my commitment to myself. I worked out, and I did my whole face care routine in the morning. It took less than 5 minutes. I didn't manage to do it in the evening as well, but I added it to 1 routine and it made me feel GREAT!

It's funny how we can make excuses not to do the things we know we should do for ourselves, for our health and well being, even when they are small. We aren't really saving that much time for other activities, but we think we are.

But here's the cool thing... once you make these tiny adjustments and add them to your routine, you start taking better care of yourself without the herculean effort you think it requires. 

You wouldn't think of waking up or going to bed without brushing your teeth, right? It's just routine.

Sorry, had to throw in a bit of a chuckle there :) 
 
Choose something tiny, miniscule that you know you should be doing to take care of yourself. Something you've been meaning and meaning and meaning to do, but keep finding reasons not to. Add it to 1 of your daily routines. Remember, it takes 30 days to make a habit, so do it for 30 days, and see the difference it makes!

I'd love to hear the item you are going to add!

Hey! I'm going to be on the radio! LIVE on Wednesday, December 12th @ 7:00 PM CST at www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
You can listen live, via replay, see the schedule and download the Smartphone app at: www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
 
Get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html
      

Expectations, disappointment, and you

Have you ever found yourself in a place of excited anticipation? Where an opportunity is on the horizon, and it will be a game changer for you in one way or another? You see the possibilities lining up before you and you can picture all the great changes that will come to you as a result. You see the changes you will make as a result. It's exhilarating, the hope is wondrous, the vision is palpable. It's fun to envision this new reality.
 
And sometimes, the opportunity doesn't work out. And the more you let yourself envision it, the more disappointed you are. 

So, while you are in that place, in those long moments of anticipation, you feel the stress, the anxiety of trying to manage your expectations while remaining hopeful and holding your future vision. It's a bit like walking a tightrope.

I have found myself in this place this past month, and am in the midst of yet another opportunity blossoming. This past month, I had 3 new team members all excited to get started. One worked out. I completely let myself fall head over heels into hope. Didn't consider for a moment the very real possibility that things change, hiccups happen and life can surprise anyone at any time. Naughty me! As a result, I was very bitterly disappointed at month end to not hit my goal.

A few good lessons learned:

• Even if it looks like you are going to hit your goal, keep pushing, anything can happen and what if you exceed it?  
• Nothing is final until it is final. Life changes every day, in ways we can never anticipate.
• Stay focused on your vision, your final outcome, but loosen your hold on the specifics.

So now, as I eagerly await the outcome of this next big opportunity. I am actively trying to manage my expectations. It's tough. I find my imagination running away, painting pretty pictures in my head, which seems to lead to random humming and chair dancing.

So, my final lesson for the week, as I remain hopeful but try to manage my enthusiasm and keep my cart behind my horse, is to keep thinking about Plan B. Remembering that it is Plan B, it is "just in case" Plan A doesn't work out, but it is there and ready. 

How about you? How do you manage your expectations, and the anxiety that comes with it? 

Learn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar
http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=E950DC8282473F


Get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
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Playing Hooky

Did you ever play hooky in school? Maybe it was senior skip day, or maybe you snuck out before last period one day. 

It's kind of an exhilarating feeling. This feeling of hard won freedom, though in truth, you didn't work hard to earn it, you took a risk, right? And your reward is some time, an hour, an afternoon, or a day doing something you really enjoy, feeling rejuvenated and this fun sense of invigoration.

I got to thinking about this today as it relates to what I do. I help women play hooky from their to-do lists.
Very often, when I get together with a group of women, I start out by asking them what they would be doing if they weren't there, enjoying some wine, women and wax. Typically, the answers are somewhere in the range of housework, homework, yard work or errands. We all proceed to thank the fabulous lady who is hosting the gathering that evening for getting us out of all of that!

Most women I know, are overworked, overwhelmed or under appreciated (sometimes all of the above).
We run from one thing to the next, always scanning the next 5 things on our to do list. If we're not working, we're taking care of the kids, or our parents, or our significant others, or a friend or family member in crisis. If we're not actively caring for another human being, we're chauffeuring the kids to or from an event, or running errands, or volunteering, or participating in the PTA or other committee. If we're not running around, we're doing housework, laundry, or homework.

When do we get time for US? How many of you find yourself moving your personal to-dos from this week's list to next week's list? Hair or nail appointments, exercise programs or plans, lunch or coffee with your girlfriend?

So how about it? How would you like to play hooky for a couple of hours? 


What would you do?



Wanna find out how you can reduce stress and guilt at the same time? Grab my free guide: www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Dealing with Hostility

Most of the time, when I write to you about stress relief and self care, I talk about the effects of stress and the consequences of not managing it, and I talk about stress in a very general way.

Similar to last week's topic, today I write to you about a specific stress source.

Dealing with Hostility



 
You may experience this from a job with a boss or coworker, you may experience this through a family member, you may experience this through a social acquaintance. In any of these scenarios, you are unable to simply extract yourself from the hostile environment, at least in the short term. 




**Please note, when I reference a family member, I am NOT referring to any incidents of physical or mental abuse those are serious circumstances and I would recommend seeking out resources dedicated to that; my reference is more along the lines of overly negative or condescending family members or family members "lobbying against you" to other family members.

In the case of the job, perhaps you can find another job, and that is definitely a good route to pursue, of course this can negatively impact your own career path.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, we'll assume that you must endure this hostility on a regular basis. It may ebb and flow, but in general it is a constant. Again in the case of the workplace, one may recommend talking with HR or other management personnel, but anyone who has spent any time in corporate America knows this invariably ends up hurting you more in the long run.

Bullying is a hot topic today in the media. There have been numerous stories in the media and I've seen graphics and notes trending on social media as well. While I completely believe that as an adult, especially as a woman, you should absolutely stand up for yourself, I also see the negative consequences of that action in these situations.

A few important things to keep in mind if you are in this situation

Stand your ground but pick your battles - While it is important to stand up for yourself, sometimes it only escalates the hostility. When the aggressor comes at you, respond rationally - keep your emotions out of the response entirely - and respond with only pertinent facts.

Remember that you can only affect you. You can't change another person, so don't let them change you. This is a hard one, especially when you're in the "throws of battle". Sometimes you may find yourself thinking unsavory thoughts, or even saying unkind things. This may serve a momentary purpose of blowing off some steam, but in the long run, it chips away at the awesomeness that is you. Don't let them win by making you be a person you'd ever be ashamed of. I saw a great quote yesterday

If you knew for absolute certain, that every little thing you did today would later be scrutinized, literally moment by moment, by a future you, and future friends, as well as anyone else interested, and you'd all be looking for a number of qualities, especially patience, kindness, and love, during this game of games and test of tests called life, how might you treat the very next person you see after reading this Note?

I find that it is easiest for me if I can find a story to believe that changes my anger to pity for the other person. For example, a person may do or say bad things, but maybe they don't know any better or maybe they lack the ability to control their words and actions. Perhaps they are so insecure that the only way they see to improve their self image is to tear down others around them.

Believe in Karma - keep being the best you that you can be in the face of the aggressor. Show up each day undaunted and untainted. Let the aggressor build their own pyre.

Kill them with kindness - Now, you can't just spend all day lathering on the wax so you can be the duck and let it all roll off your back without it affecting you. And don't misunderstand me, I'm not necessarily advocating making friends or "making nice" with the aggressor. But be the better person, don't just act like the better person, actually be the better person.

Breathe - when you feel overwhelmed, take a break, take a walk, excuse yourself to the washroom if you need to, go get a cup of coffee or tea or wine. Find a something that is a real treat for yourself - I have a Coconut Rum flavored Green Tea that I am LOVING right now.

Detox - Make sure you maximize time spent away from the toxic environment. Try not to dwell, it's tough, but the more you can put it out of your mind, the less they "win". If it is a work environment, take your lunch away from the office. If it is a family member or social acquaintance, create a soothing drive home routine. And once you get home, spend a little time in your favorite personal space taking care of you. You won't have time to soak in the tub for an hour each night, but you can lock the bathroom door, light a candle and steam your face in the sink or apply a 5 minute masque, or sit on your back deck or in front of your fire with a glass of wine for 5 minutes.

Sometimes toxic people exist in our lives, and some of them even actively, openly and aggressivly attack us with hostitily. When we let that change us is when they win.

Be awesome in spite of them.

Finding Mr Right

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. As a result, I'm inspired to write about something a little different than the norm.

I know I have several close personal girlfriends that have a lot of stress in their lives around finding that special someone, so I presume they aren't the only ladies in the world dealing with that right now. 

I used to work with a woman who always complained about not being able to find Mr. Right, and I would often respond that she needed to go out and do things and meet people, as he wasn't going to come knocking on her apartment door. Of course, she would reply "Why not? It happened to you."
And while that's true, it's not the norm and certainly won't happen to most people in the world.

As another girlfriend of mine often insists I share the story with new friends, I'll share it here.

It was summer 1990, I was living in Carbondale, IL. I was teaching preschool during the day and waiting tables at night. It is a college town, but I wasn't going to college at the time. Mike came up the balcony and knocked on my door looking for my neighbor across the hall. Being a college town, I did actually know where Nick was. I told Mike he was at work yadda yadda yadda. 

Pow Zoom Fireworks! 

It was crazy because everything I liked about him I totally didn't like. He wore regular jeans when everyone was wearing acid and stone wash, he wore cowboy boots, and I didn't know anyone that really did that, and he had LONG hair! And he was the hottest guy I had ever seen in my life. Later he came over and he and Nick were going out. He kept trying to convince me to come along with them. I was going out with another boy at the time and we were supposed to "talk" that night. Mike kept saying he wouldn't show, but I couldn't be the one not to show, so I stayed home and of course, he didn't show. So, the next day, I broke up with his answering machine. Mike and I went out that night, we stayed up all night and we've been together ever since.

As we got to know each other better, it was funny how many things that made him perfect for me were things you would think of as opposite. He was the first guy I dated that I couldn't manipulate in any way - now I know that sounds bad, but girls, we all know we have at least one if not two "secret weapons" in our arsenal to get our way when we really want it. Yeah, not one of them worked on him. He was the first guy I dated that I really, truly respected and still to this day consider my one true equal.

So what does any of this have to do with your stress level when it comes to finding Mr Right?

Here are my tips - not necessarily on finding Mr Right, but on not driving yourself crazy in the process.

1. Stop looking. It's crazy what finds you when you're not looking for it. Have you ever been in the grocery store trying to reconnect with someone who ran to another aisle? Ever had the experience where you're going down one aisle as they are going the opposite direction? This could be happening to you right now! 
2. Find things that you truly enjoy. Not only would it be awesome if the person you met was into the things you love - hint hint you *could* meet them while doing these things, but you never know who you'll meet that could connect you to that person.
3. Become the best version of you. When I was younger, I'd see all the time girls who were looking for another person to "be" their happiness. While I certainly don't think this is the case with any of my current girlfriends, I am sure it is still out there. And, when you are truly happy spending time with YOU, you'd be amazed how magnetic you become.

And in the process of these things, you'll find the anxiety over the process of finding the person will slowly dwindle.

Wishing you all the love and laughter in the world! It's certainly what makes my life the joy it is! 

Stress levels rising to critical levels in women

Stress levels in women have reached epidemic proportions. 75 to 90 percent of visits to primary care physicians are for stress-related complaints. Increases in heart disease, sleeping problems, stomach ailments, infertility and chronic fatigue syndrome (also diagnosed as fibromyalgia).

All of this because we are too stressed out, and we do nothing about it!

You remember, when we were kids, we couldn’t wait until we grew up and no one was bossing us around, and we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted, right? 
Many of us had a short period of time in our lives when that was actually true, it was called College. Then, our parents, or mentors, or someone in our lives told us that we had to “grow up” and that “life’s not just one big party” and we had to become responsible and fly right. 
So then we spend the next 40 or 50 YEARS waiting until we can retire so we can do whatever we want whenever we want. 

Well, the sobering truth is that a lot of folks don’t make it to enjoy their retirement and most people who do certainly can’t do whatever they want once they do retire because they are either sick and feeble or living on a shoestring or both.

So here’s the scoop, we need to find a way to enjoy our lives today. We have to stop waiting for that magical someday to come because it just might not. 
Now, I’m not telling you that if you have a job you hate that I can fix that (well, actually maybe I can, but that’s not what I'm talking about today), and I’m not telling you that I can fix any issues that may exist with your spouse or significant other. And I’m certainly not telling you that I can prevent your kids from making you crazy. What I am telling you, is that there are things you can do to manage your stress, so that these things aren’t ruling YOU and they aren’t the only thoughts that camp out in your brain 24 hours a day. And they’re so much easier than you might think.

Check this out...

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman BUT for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.

At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. - Did you catch that?

There's a tendency to think that when we are exercising we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged--not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other women is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! - WOW as dangerous as smoking!

OK - I want everyone to take note, the head of psychiatry at Stanford University has gone on record saying that having a glass of wine with your girlfriends is as important as exercise and NOT doing so is as dangerous as smoking! Well, maybe he didn’t say the wine was a requirement, but we need those antioxidants, right?

In between our “grown up play dates” there is something else we can do, to decrease our stress levels passively on a daily basis.



 

Women need a place in their home that is just for them. Whether it is a bedroom or bathroom sanctuary, or a quiet corner of a living room with a comfy chair and a book-stand. Women need to create for themselves that special place where they can unwind and recharge so we can face the next day, or the rest of today. 

It's not a luxury, it's critical to our well being and the well being of all those we care for. 

Some of the most popular personal sanctuaries are: a reading nook, a bathroom spa, a bedroom escape, a meditation space and a backyard oasis, but they can be as unique and varied as we are as women. What is your idea of a personal sanctuary?

What they all have in common is that they create a unique feeling, and grant the ability to breathe a relaxing sigh.


This taking care of ourselves stuff is really truly important. Not all new age and woo woo. We blow it off and then we wonder why our physical and mental health is on a constant state of decline. We tell ourselves that we just need to make it through Friday and then we'll get a chance to regroup. Then the weekend comes and goes with its own list of to-do's and chores and obligations. And before we know it, it’s Sunday night and we’re just as exhausted, overwhelmed, overworked and underappreciated as we were on Tuesday or Wednesday.

So what are you waiting for? Share in the comments: Are you going to schedule a "grown up play date" on your calendar this week, or what is your idea of a personal sanctuary (bathroom, bedroom, meditation space, backyard)?

I need a vacation

I needed a reboot!

How many times do we say "I need a vacation"? 

How often do you come back from vacation feeling no more refreshed than when you left? Possibly your stress levels even increase as a result of having to "catch up" on all the work that piled on while you were away?

We just got back from our annual pilgrimage to Atlanta, GA. It was our tenth year and it was the first time I got a total reboot.
This is not a typical vacation, we don't visit museums or lay on the beach or relax at the day spa. It is a music festival over 4 days the first 2 days are 3 hours of music each and the second 2 days are 14 hours of music each. 

We stay up until 5am (this is a picture of one of our parties in the courtyard) and sleep until 11am and don't stop laughing in between. We have made a lot of really true, great and amazing friends in the 10 years we have been attending the festival and the best and most important part of the trip every year is catching up with them. 

What made this year different for me, and I didn't realize it at the time, was that I completely unplugged. 

I didn't bring my laptop to keep up on Facebook and email. 

I brought cash so I didn't worry about how much money we were spending and whether we could afford x or y or z. 

I was 100% present the entire time. 

Really truly letting go of your cares, work, stress and worries is a blessing we don't afford ourselves. 

I honestly can't remember the last time I did it really. *REALLY*
Coming back from vacation is always a struggle and a transition, and I would definitely say that it was worse than normal for me this year. I felt foggier than normal, and more disconnected from everything. That's when I realized, my brain actually got a reboot. 

And I feel phenomenal! Energized, engaged, enthused and ready to take on the world!

I totally recommend this for everyone! Find something to commit 100% of your attention to. For at least 1 entire day, 2 is better. No thoughts of housework, or to do lists, or commitments, or children, or parents or bills or work.
None. Not a single one.

Come back and share how refreshed YOU feel!

Each day is more precious than we know

 Today is a perfect day to be happy.
Every day is a perfect day to be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 I talk often about seizing the day and finding ways to manage your stress and find your happiness each day. I do believe with all of my heart that this is my mission and my message. The road that my husband and I traveled when he was laid off and changed careers led me there.

This week I was reminded how precious and fleeting each day can be. A dear friend lost her home in a sudden fire. Thankfully, they are all safe, but they lost absolutely everything. This message is not about things, your home or your property, although I am more profoundly grateful for the home I have than ever before. I find myself far less worried about the things that aren't perfect and the projects that aren't finished.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Today is all we have. And it is our duty to find joy in the day. I am watching my friend in the wake of this enormous tragedy and she is beyond an inspiration to me. She is definitely in shock, she has definitely cried her share of tears. But with nothing but the clothes on her back, she is joyously approaching each day.
 

This is a picture of her and 2 of her children taking a break for some fun while shopping for necessities. 

A quote from her "Oh my gosh. I can't even read my facebook without crying tears of gratitude. The overwhelming support to my family has literally caused me the greatest emotions I have ever felt. The loss of our stuff has become one of the greatest blesings to our souls. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"

Ladies, we are much worse about this than the men, and the kicker is ... we also have the bonus of GUILT.
How many times in the past year have you promised to get together with your girlfriends? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?
How many times have you promised yourself that you would schedule some "you" time? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?

Time is precious. Time is fleeting. Just look at your kids to be reminded how fast it goes.
You tell yourself - oh I'll have time for that when the kids are in school, or off to college, or finally out of the house
or - we'll have time to take that vacation when we retire.

You can't put your happiness on hold. Tomorrow is guaranteed for no one.

Be thankful today.

Be happy today.

Share that happiness with everyone you see. You just don't know the impact it may have.

P.S. if you are a hot sauce lover, Steve Ozbolt from Emerald City Catering is having a "Fire Sale". Anyone who orders a 3pk of his Big Boss BBQ sauce (any flavor) will receive a complimentary bottle of Fire Sauce and all proceeds will go to the Jones family. The offer ends on Oct 1st, so don't delay. Be sure to tell them that you are ordering for the Jones fire fund on checkout.

Just Relax!

Is it just me, or when you are all spun up about something, or feeling excessively tense, or just completely overwhelmed and someone, a well meaning someone, tells you to "Just Relax" does it have the opposite effect?

But when you are overwhelmed, over worked and just ready to tip over the edge you need SOMETHING. And we're all tempted to do the most unhealthy things to get through. We grab a chocolate bar, or some "comfort food", maybe a big bowl of ice cream or a gooey brownie. All those things are great to indulge in once in a while, and if you've been reading me for any time, you know I'm a big promoter of doing something that truly makes you happy and even indulging every now and then. The point here is that this isn't really going to reduce your stress level, and what's worse, it will increase the dreaded guilt!

As busy business women, we are constantly juggling and trying to clear an ever filling plate. We end up in a vicious cycle that leaves us feeling guilty and isolated. We feel guilty that we don't get to the things on our plate that have been there the longest, but always seem to lose out on priority. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our family when we're working. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our work when we're with our family. We feel guilty that we haven't come up with a solution to this whole "life balance" equation yet. We feel guilty that there are people in our lives we cherish that we promise and promise to see, but that commitment just ends up being another item on our plate with a "C" priority that doesn't make the cut. And perish the thought of doing something just for you.

But that's just the thing that you need.

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things a woman can do for her health is to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities.

Brain Chemistry information from Beverly Keyes Taylor @ www.genderbrainchemistry.com

Stress is the cause of almost all health problems, which is the direct effect of the level of cortisol released into the body during stressful times.  

The stressed man wants to withdraw and just relax, mindlessly forgetting about the stress of his day. This is a necessary action for him to rebuild the testosterone used up during the stress of the day.

The stressed woman wants to talk about her stress, as that increases her oxytocin and serotonin. As she talks to an intent and well trained listener, her levels of serotonin and oxytocin rise, and she begins to feel more relaxed. As women have more language centers in both hemispheres of the brain, she more easily articulates, communicates, and expresses her emotions and feelings.

When the stressed man is not allowed to recover his testosterone, and the stressed woman doesn’t raise her oxytocin level, their cortisol level stays high. This changes the brain chemistry, leaving them feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and even more stressed.

Not to mention, cortisol is the hormone that stores the toxins in the body. It surrounds them with water and fat, and stores them right in the mid section. Cortisol also raises the level of hypertension, coronary disease, embolisms and obesity. This vicious cycle begins with not taking care of the level of stress according to your gender. This changes the chemistry of your brain. Therefore you may notice physiological changes brought on by stress such as mood swings, irritability and depression. Physical changes such as of loss of health may follow.

So when we get together, and we talk about what's going on in our lives, we get relief. We get relief from the guilt over not keeping our commitment to see these wonderful ladies. We get relief from the feeling of isolation that we are the ONLY person going through what we're currently experiencing. We get relief from being "on-duty". We get encouragement, advice, support and strength from our community. We laugh, we reminisce, we relax. 

And our stress starts to melt away.

So the next time you hear "Just Relax" it's time to phone, text or email your favorite girlies and schedule some quality girl time.

I'm curious, when is the last time you got together with your girlfriends? What did you do?

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All work and no play...

If you recognize this image, you know what happened to Jack. 

Now, we are not in a Stephen King novel, nor are we stuck in a secluded snowed in resort in the middle of winter with supernatural forces playing against our sanity.

However, we are working women, women business owners, women entrepreneurs. When there is work to be done, we are the ones to do it, right? We have a business to run and a household to run.

Here is the danger. Real life poses a much bigger threat than any thriller novel could capture. We also have a life to run. And not just run, enjoy. 
I mean E N J O Y!!!! Savor, indulge, live, experience!!!

We only get one shot at this thing called life. This isn't a dress rehearsal.

If we stay buried in work, our life will pass by without our participation. 

I know it's not Christmas, but my mind turns to Scrooge in the Dickens novel. Through a series of life events, he chose to bury himself in his work to the neglect of all those around him. The spirits showed him that if he didn't change his ways, he would end up alone.

I am certainly not suggesting that you will end up alone, nor will you end up going insane and on a rampage like Jack in The Shining. 

But you are going to miss the best parts of life waiting for them to come. 

Work is truly important. More for women entrepreneurs than for any other segment of the working world, because we are working with a mission, a purpose. We are striving daily to bring more joy, health, freedom, and the list goes on to the world. For many, our work IS a source of joy and that is a blessing and a gift.

But this does NOT exclude you from the need to play!!!!!! 

Every day find a way to play. You don't have to take the afternoon off, but do it. 

• If you pass a park with a swing on your lunch break, take 5 minutes and soar
• If you are walking down a sidewalk that has been chalked with a hopscotch board, HOP
• Look up at the clouds and SPIN - unless you have vertigo of course
• Turn off the television and computer and pull out a board game tonight
• Blow bubbles 

Find a way to play.

Today, I am going on a picnic, and then a sail on a Tall Ship on Lake Michigan along the Chicago skyline with my amazing husband. 

I'd love to hear how you played today!

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Ever Have One of "Those" Days?

Do you ever have one of "those" days?
The kind where you feel kind of like a raw nerve?
The kind where people who are normally beneath your radar suddenly rub you the wrong way?
The kind where you are easily irritated or angered by things that normally wouldn't irritate or anger you?
The kind where you decide you are just "CRABBY" (or perhaps a more colorful word)

Ever have 2 of them in a row?

I've totally been having those this week! Yesterday and today as well.

When the sound of the person next to me breathing makes me feel like I'm on the other end of a high school student's bad heavy breathing call. 

And the chewing sounds like it's being run through an amplifier.
When certain people talk to you and you have to actively resist the urge to whip your head in response and snap "WHAT?!?!"

Thankfully, not only did I recognize it, but I have tools in my life ready for me to grab to do something about it! OK - to be honest, the doing something about it part happened faster today than yesterday. Yesterday, I did just seethe in red vision anger for maybe an hour.

So - I thought to myself "Self, I bet I'm not the only one that has to deal with these types of days" and I thought today would be a great  day to share my tips for taking control of your day.

1. Notice
   
   • Be self aware.
   • Be aware of your reactions, both internal and external. 
   • Be aware of your boundaries.  What reactions are acceptable and which are unacceptable, both internal and external.
2. Take responsibility   
   
   • Don't fall into the trap of placing the blame on circumstances. ("that" time of the month, sickness, an unpleasant coworker, neighbor or family member)
   • Realize that whatever the outside circumstance, it has NO POWER OVER YOU.
3. Assess the situation
   
   • Can you do something to change the situation that is blowing your top?
   • If so, calmly handle the problem, then give yourself a high five.
   • If not, resolve to let it go. If you can't control it, don't let IT control YOU.
4. Assess the urgency of your mood
   
   • Do you need to do something NOW to turn your mood around or can it wait until you get home?
5. Deploy your EMAT (Emergency Mood Altering Tools)
   
   • If the situation is urgent, the best, fastest tool is MUSIC. Not just any music. Have a go to song.
     Mine is Danzig and Shikira sing Hips Don't Lie. Not only does it make me dance (just can't prevent it) but it also cracks me up. It's loaded on my phone so I always have it with me.
   • If the situation is a slow boiler, deploy the endorphins.
     Exercise, take a class, go for a walk, run, skate, swim or bike ride, put in an exercise video.
     If you can combine the outdoors with the exercise, so much the better!

Even if you're all alone. Or as I often say, when you don't have 6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine handy, you have the power to turn your day around.

P.S. Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

How YOU Doin?

Few people I know don't hear the voice of Matt LeBlanc as the character Joey Tribbiani from Friends when they see that phrase or hear those words. 

And I think it typically brings a smile - at least to most.
I saw Matt LeBlanc on my favorite chat show and he told a story that his daughter antagonizes him by intentionally saying it wrong "How are YOU doing?" He says through clenched teeth "And I KNOW she knows how to say it right!"


When asked this question today, how would you respond? Do you actually share how you are? Do you just reply "good" or "well" automatically?

Equally as important a question. When you ask someone else that question today, do you truly listen to the response?
Do you even ask the question in response after being asked how you are? 

My husband went to college with a guy who exemplified this lack of connection. His standard greeting was "Hey, How's it going." and NO MATTER what the person said in response, he'd reply "Cool."

You may expect me to share a tip on how to take your good to great today or something similar, but I have a completely different type of challenge for you.

First, a tidbit.

Nearly every single day, I'm greeted by a stranger who asks me how I'm doing. 

It may be a cashier, a waiter, a doctor's assistant, someone at a networking event, doesn't matter. 

Nearly every day, I watch their face change when they hear my response. I see their mood change, and I see a noticeable pause in whatever task they were performing. 

I'd say at least 75% of the time their reply is something OTHER than "good" or "OK" in response. My response causes them to change theirs, even if they don't match my level of enthusiasm, which they often comment about. 

"Well, I'm darned good, I don't know if I can be fabulous, but I'm having a darned good day!"

Now, I am fairly bubbly, and I greet them with a beaming smile, but I think there are 2 things that cause them to pause and also result in their response being something OTHER than "good" or "well".

1. The word I choose is different, a word not often used in current conversation.
   
2. The word I choose is typically superlative (Super! Fabulous! Spectacular! Fantastic!)

Also, about 60% of the time, they genuinely thank me for asking how they are doing, and caring I suppose.

Now, I'm not asking you to do the 2nd thing, especially if it's not genuine, because that is just plain annoying and no one is fooled!

So, here is my challenge to you today. Whatever your mood, even if it's sour - now DON'T be the person that spills their every ache and pain and trouble to anyone who makes the mistake of asking how you are - take the half second pause it will require and think of a unique word or phrase to use.

Some ideas to get you started:

If you're having a horrible day you could say:

• Introspective
• A little dull
• A bit curious
• A little scattered

If you're "just OK" you could say:

• Mysterious
• Pleasant
• Just Chillin'

If you are "good" you could say:

• Crazy
• Amused
• Delightful
• Jolly - especially if it's NOT Christmas
• Excited

If you want to kick it up a notch and be superlative you could say:

• Magnificent
• Outstanding
• On Fire
• Glorious
• Splendid
• High on Life
• A party waiting to happen

Give it a try. It's almost as fun as the smile game! See who you can pause with your reply today! You just might make their day!

Share in the comments today --- so, How YOU doin?

Serenity Now!

Who remembers this episode of Seinfeld? 

Frank Costanza is advised to say "serenity now" aloud every time his blood pressure is in danger of going up, but he yells it instead.


We all have our tricks for when we're losing control. But do we recognize it soon enough? 

Why do we wait until we're about to tip over the edge before we try to make ourselves feel better?


Why don't we focus on feeling better every day?

“Today is a most unusual day, because we have never lived it before; we will never live it again; it is the only day we have."

Today can be a healthy unusual day for you -- and for others -- if you take time to give someone a smile . . . to express a word of kindness . . . to lend a helping hand to someone in need . . . to write a note of gratitude . . . to give a word of encouragement to someone who is temporarily overcome with problems . . . to share a portion of your material possessions with others.

 

Happiness can't be forced like Frank Costanza tried to do, but it can be chosen. It can be sought. 


 Don't wait for tomorrow, don't wait for Friday, don't wait for the weekend or retirement or the kids to be in school or the kids to be out of school. 

 
Choose happiness today.
Seek happiness today.


Your challenge today, should you choose to accept it is to think of something that makes you happy and do that thing. Eat ice cream, walk outside on your lunch hour, swing on a swing, dangle your feet in a pool, lake, river or pond.

Share your happy thing. I'd love to hear it, and who knows what you may inspire in another.

Friday Fun day it's easy to lower that stress and find your "Happy Place"

It's Friday, and I'm a day late on my 2nd post of the week. 
 

Friday is fun day. It's an easy day to let go of stress and find our Happy Place. One of my girlfriends has a party every single Friday night, and no she's not 23. She gets the importance of connecting and unwinding and has established her home as a spot where friends and family know they can escape to at the end of a busy week.
That's me smack in the middle :) 




I share often that a HUGE way to relieve your stress as a woman is to physically get together with other women. There is an actual change in our brain chemistry when we are together that increases our serotonin levels. 

~ There is some evidence to support the theory that this is a result of pheromones, the same phenomenon that causes women's menstrual cycles to synchronize ~ 

However the science behind it works, I think we all know that my signature phrase "6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine" is a sure fire way to forget your troubles, reduce your stress and find your "Happy Place".




While I can't spend my normal full Friday late night at my girlfriends this week as I have a few things to finish getting set up at home for my big Launch Party on Sunday and Monday, I do look forward to popping by, celebrating the birthday of a friend (with a little relax with wax birthday gift) and getting my connection on. 



 


What are you doing on this Friday Fun day to lower your stress and find your "Happy Place"? I'd love to hear about it!