Like many people, one of our holiday traditions is sending out a Christmas card. Also like many people, invariably we end up sending it out pretty late. I think maybe some years we've even sent them after Christmas Day.
That wasn't the case this year, however this past week, we received several via return mail. Perhaps 6.
I found that this made me fairly upset. With myself. I felt like "what a horrible friend am I that I didn't even know Tom and his wife moved". Certainly, I could choose to think instead, "well, it's not like they sent out a change of address card or anything", but I didn't. And I don't.
A few months back, a friend wrote a spectacular post about why she was leaving Facebook and deleting her account. She spoke eloquently about how she wanted to keep in touch with people who actually cared about the things going on in her life, and not superficially stay connected via non specific status updates and posts. She posts regularly on Google+ and in the time since she left Facebook, indeed we have found so many fun facts we never learned about one another in 2+ years of being "connected" on Facebook.
Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of leaving Facebook, and I do find fun and enjoyable interactions there daily. I do keep in touch with some of my friends, especially long distance ones in a way that I couldn't easily otherwise.
But I have been reminded, at the volume of 11 (I'm entertained by the Spinal Tap reference and hope some of you get it), that we need to be actually connected with our friends and loved ones. We need to stay engaged and learn about the things going on in their lives. Even if you may feel that nothing has changed in your life recently, if you feel that the answer to the "So what's new with you?" question is "same old same old", ask your friends.
And most importantly ... listen to the answer.
My husband and I, over the holiday season, engaged in 2 separate very embarrassing conversations, and nearly a 3rd, where we asked a question that led to a horribly uncomfortable conversation that started with the other person saying "Oh, I guess you hadn't heard...".
My goal for 2013 and beyond is to avoid those awkward conversations by caring about the goings on in my friend's and families lives, by asking "Hey, how's it going?" regularly, and by making every effort to actually get together face to face or over the phone or video conference to connect real time.
What do you think? Would your happiness level increase through these conversations? Would that of your friends and loved ones? I believe so!
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please share in the comment below.
This week I had to give myself a serious attitude adjustment. I had fallen into that trap that happens this time of year, as we get closer to the holiday and my list of things to do stays the same, but my list of social obligations grows.
This weekend is my baking weekend. For me, this is a fairly good sized task Sneek a peek at the madness. I typically spend one day from roughly 9am to midnight and then a second day nearly as long. This weekend, we have social obligations Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday evening.
We were planning to swap one Saturday evening obligation for another when we got word that Mike's family was coming in from out of town, as we haven't seen them in several years. Then we got word that the family gathering was to be at 4pm more than an hour away.
All I could think of was how it affected my baking schedule, and began to fret about how I would get everything done. I had a great deal of trouble sleeping as I worried and worried.
Thankfully, a night's sleep gave me an attitude adjustment. What is important is spending time with family and loved ones. The lists of things will or won't get done, and everyone will certainly understand.
So, I told Mike today that we need to attend our original Saturday night engagement after our family gathering and I'll figure out the baking the best I can, but if we have the good fortune to have friends, family and loved ones that are near by, who invite us to gather and celebrate, and we have the most exceptional fortune to have my pilot husband home to attend said gatherings, we need to remember what is important.
So, today's advise is: your friends and loved ones will care less about what they received as a gift, or how many, or whether your bannister has the perfect amount of garland on it than they will about the memories you share as you come together this holiday season. If given the choice between completing tasks and joining with friends and loved ones, please choose the loved ones. You may make a memory of a life time.
If you are anything like me, you have a list of girlfriends, or other favorite people in your life that you are always promising to get together with. Do these comments sound familiar?
It's been too long, we need to get together.
As soon as (insert child's sport) season is over, we need to go get coffee.
Let's do lunch after (insert current life event).
So week after week and month after month, time expands and you still haven't kept that promise you made to someone in your life you truly care about and really enjoy spending time with.
And it's a catch 22. You feel guilty because you haven't kept your commitment, and you feel guilty, as if it's self-indulgent, to take the time to keep the commitment. You can't win.
And now the holidays are here, and that guilt feels more present than ever. This is the time of year to connect with those you don't see often. Now you add a layer of social expectation to your guilt cycle.
And to top it all off, you have a boat load of extra things on your list to get done.
But what if that's the answer, not another problem?
Guess what?
All of your girlfriends and favorite people have a boat load of extra things on their list to get done too!
What if you did some of them together?
- Knock out the last of your holiday shopping together
- Have a cookie baking day
- Make holiday party appetizers or hors d'oeuvres that can be frozen and reheated
- Go to drop off your holiday donations together
- Do a kid watching swap and steal 15-30 minutes to visit at drop off/pick up
- My personal favorite, and something I have done with my girlfriends in the past, a gift wrapping party - everyone has a bunch of gifts to wrap - get together at 1 person's house and visit and catch up while you get your wrapping done
These are just a few suggestions, but you can apply this to anything you have on your list. And it's not just something you can do during the holidays, any time of year you can call your girlfriend and see if she needs or wants to do one of the things on your to-do list that week. It's more fun to do together too!
That is good self-care! Getting stuff crossed off your list, banishing the guilt around keeping our commitments to our very favorite people, and the best part, actually getting to see and spend time with them!
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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I look at my schedule for December filled with gatherings and get
togethers, fun and festivities, and I think to myself, "This is my favorite holiday!"
In Chicago,
we have been having some seriously crazy weather, and we're enjoying it, but
it's a little weird. On Sunday, leaving a party, I said to my
hostess - Christmas music and air conditioning, it just doesn't seem
right!
As I look forward to this month of caring and sharing, rejoicing and
reconnecting, I am reminded of some advice I got when I was planning my
wedding many years ago.
Pay attention and enjoy the planning. The day
comes and goes so fast it's like a blur. Relish every moment of the
preparation.
I was thankful I followed that advice as we took a full year to plan our wedding, and true to the predictions, the day was so fast. I captured moments and committed them to memory. Thank goodness for wonderful friends with cameras that captured great moments as well.
I find we do much the same in preparation for the holidays. We make plans for a big party, or our family gathering. There's the shopping and the decorating and the wrapping and the baking. All in a rush looking at the deadline on the clock. Then December 26th arrives and the presents are gone and many start taking down the decorations and the melancholy creeps in.
As you are making your lists and checking them twice this holiday season, take some time to stop and embrace the magic. Go ice skating, walk down your favorite city street and look at the lights, enjoy a mug of cocoa, mulled cider or egg nog.
You'll be happy you did!
Share what magic you plan to take a moment to enjoy this year!
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The holidays bring with them joy, celebration and connection. They also bring their own brand of stress.
Some stresses that are common during the holidays
- Travel
- Entertaining
- House guests
- Grief over lost loved ones
I know in my house, I host Thanksgiving, which I love - well, I love the cooking and food preparation part. I also love selecting the fragrances of candles which I will burn and which decorative holders to display. I don't love the cleaning, neither my husband nor I do. We procrastinate and procrastinate and always end up running around like crazy at the last minute trying to make the house look as presentable as possible. Lucky for us, we're not keeping house guests, so we don't have that to add.
My sister generally travels for the holidays, she'll be coming home for Christmas, not Thanksgiving this year, but I know for her, that is extremely stressful.
And for our family, as well as many others, the holidays are a time when we fondly remember past family gatherings and miss those family members who are no longer with us. For some this stress is greater than others. My Aunt lost her husband and both her parents within a year, and the holidays are particularly acute for her.
So, while you are dressing your home, preparing to travel or perhaps readying yourself to attend a holiday meal with some family members who rub you the wrong way, be sure to take some time out to take a bit of care of yourself to maintain your sanity.
Take a nap, take a bath, put on your headphones and listen to some great music, throw a great comedy into the DVD player, just do something that makes you feel good, and do it often.
