Staying Connected - A Wake Up Call

Like many people, one of our holiday traditions is sending out a Christmas card. Also like many people, invariably we end up sending it out pretty late. I think maybe some years we've even sent them after Christmas Day. 
That wasn't the case this year, however this past week, we received several via return mail. Perhaps 6.

I found that this made me fairly upset. With myself. I felt like "what a horrible friend am I that I didn't even know Tom and his wife moved". Certainly, I could choose to think instead, "well, it's not like they sent out a change of address card or anything", but I didn't. And I don't. 

A few months back, a friend wrote a spectacular post about why she was leaving Facebook and deleting her account. She spoke eloquently about how she wanted to keep in touch with people who actually cared about the things going on in her life, and not superficially stay connected via non specific status updates and posts. She posts regularly on Google+ and in the time since she left Facebook, indeed we have found so many fun facts we never learned about one another in 2+ years of being "connected" on Facebook.

Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of leaving Facebook, and I do find fun and enjoyable interactions there daily. I do keep in touch with some of my friends, especially long distance ones in a way that I couldn't easily otherwise. 

But I have been reminded, at the volume of 11 (I'm entertained by the Spinal Tap reference and hope some of you get it), that we need to be actually connected with our friends and loved ones. We need to stay engaged and learn about the things going on in their lives. Even if you may feel that nothing has changed in your life recently, if you feel that the answer to the "So what's new with you?" question is "same old same old", ask your friends. 

And most importantly ... listen to the answer.

My husband and I, over the holiday season, engaged in 2 separate very embarrassing conversations, and nearly a 3rd, where we asked a question that led to a horribly uncomfortable conversation that started with the other person saying "Oh, I guess you hadn't heard...".

My goal for 2013 and beyond is to avoid those awkward conversations by caring about the goings on in my friend's and families lives, by asking "Hey, how's it going?" regularly, and by making every effort to actually get together face to face or over the phone or video conference to connect real time.

What do you think? Would your happiness level increase through these conversations? Would that of your friends and loved ones? I believe so!

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please share in the comment below. 

   

Happiness is a Choice

Sometimes self-care means looking out for number one. Not in a conniving, unscrupulous manner where you hurt or use others, or succeed at anther's expense. But in a way that accepts that you are responsible for your own happiness. The serenity prayer helps to illustrate my point.

What I'm talking about today is "the courage to change the things I can".

Recently, I was in a position at my day job that was less than optimal. If I'm frank, it was downright hostile. My husband stated it very well, 

Some people, when they get into situations that they do not like - like a crappy boss, do nothing but bitch about it. When Shannon gets into one of those situations, she always does something to make the situation better. If the first thing doesn't work, she keeps trying. In the current situation, she not only got out from under the crappy boss, but she actually got a better job with more pay!

Happiness is a choice.

It's not generally easy to stand up for yourself, take a risk and make a change. But, as I often say, life is too short to wait to be happy. And no one is going to change your situation for you. If you are not willing to stand up for you, who will?

So often, people tolerate bad situations because it's easier to do nothing than to do something. But, think about what you are doing to yourself. Think about what your life would be like if you were brave enough to make a change.

Life is short.

Life is supposed to be good and happy EVERY DAY. 

If you are waking up in the morning, dreading your day, what can you do to change it? 

You absolutely deserve it.  

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Playing Hooky

Did you ever play hooky in school? Maybe it was senior skip day, or maybe you snuck out before last period one day. 

It's kind of an exhilarating feeling. This feeling of hard won freedom, though in truth, you didn't work hard to earn it, you took a risk, right? And your reward is some time, an hour, an afternoon, or a day doing something you really enjoy, feeling rejuvenated and this fun sense of invigoration.

I got to thinking about this today as it relates to what I do. I help women play hooky from their to-do lists.
Very often, when I get together with a group of women, I start out by asking them what they would be doing if they weren't there, enjoying some wine, women and wax. Typically, the answers are somewhere in the range of housework, homework, yard work or errands. We all proceed to thank the fabulous lady who is hosting the gathering that evening for getting us out of all of that!

Most women I know, are overworked, overwhelmed or under appreciated (sometimes all of the above).
We run from one thing to the next, always scanning the next 5 things on our to do list. If we're not working, we're taking care of the kids, or our parents, or our significant others, or a friend or family member in crisis. If we're not actively caring for another human being, we're chauffeuring the kids to or from an event, or running errands, or volunteering, or participating in the PTA or other committee. If we're not running around, we're doing housework, laundry, or homework.

When do we get time for US? How many of you find yourself moving your personal to-dos from this week's list to next week's list? Hair or nail appointments, exercise programs or plans, lunch or coffee with your girlfriend?

So how about it? How would you like to play hooky for a couple of hours? 


What would you do?



Wanna find out how you can reduce stress and guilt at the same time? Grab my free guide: www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Each day is more precious than we know

 Today is a perfect day to be happy.
Every day is a perfect day to be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 I talk often about seizing the day and finding ways to manage your stress and find your happiness each day. I do believe with all of my heart that this is my mission and my message. The road that my husband and I traveled when he was laid off and changed careers led me there.

This week I was reminded how precious and fleeting each day can be. A dear friend lost her home in a sudden fire. Thankfully, they are all safe, but they lost absolutely everything. This message is not about things, your home or your property, although I am more profoundly grateful for the home I have than ever before. I find myself far less worried about the things that aren't perfect and the projects that aren't finished.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Today is all we have. And it is our duty to find joy in the day. I am watching my friend in the wake of this enormous tragedy and she is beyond an inspiration to me. She is definitely in shock, she has definitely cried her share of tears. But with nothing but the clothes on her back, she is joyously approaching each day.
 

This is a picture of her and 2 of her children taking a break for some fun while shopping for necessities. 

A quote from her "Oh my gosh. I can't even read my facebook without crying tears of gratitude. The overwhelming support to my family has literally caused me the greatest emotions I have ever felt. The loss of our stuff has become one of the greatest blesings to our souls. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"

Ladies, we are much worse about this than the men, and the kicker is ... we also have the bonus of GUILT.
How many times in the past year have you promised to get together with your girlfriends? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?
How many times have you promised yourself that you would schedule some "you" time? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?

Time is precious. Time is fleeting. Just look at your kids to be reminded how fast it goes.
You tell yourself - oh I'll have time for that when the kids are in school, or off to college, or finally out of the house
or - we'll have time to take that vacation when we retire.

You can't put your happiness on hold. Tomorrow is guaranteed for no one.

Be thankful today.

Be happy today.

Share that happiness with everyone you see. You just don't know the impact it may have.

P.S. if you are a hot sauce lover, Steve Ozbolt from Emerald City Catering is having a "Fire Sale". Anyone who orders a 3pk of his Big Boss BBQ sauce (any flavor) will receive a complimentary bottle of Fire Sauce and all proceeds will go to the Jones family. The offer ends on Oct 1st, so don't delay. Be sure to tell them that you are ordering for the Jones fire fund on checkout.

How YOU Doin?

Few people I know don't hear the voice of Matt LeBlanc as the character Joey Tribbiani from Friends when they see that phrase or hear those words. 

And I think it typically brings a smile - at least to most.
I saw Matt LeBlanc on my favorite chat show and he told a story that his daughter antagonizes him by intentionally saying it wrong "How are YOU doing?" He says through clenched teeth "And I KNOW she knows how to say it right!"


When asked this question today, how would you respond? Do you actually share how you are? Do you just reply "good" or "well" automatically?

Equally as important a question. When you ask someone else that question today, do you truly listen to the response?
Do you even ask the question in response after being asked how you are? 

My husband went to college with a guy who exemplified this lack of connection. His standard greeting was "Hey, How's it going." and NO MATTER what the person said in response, he'd reply "Cool."

You may expect me to share a tip on how to take your good to great today or something similar, but I have a completely different type of challenge for you.

First, a tidbit.

Nearly every single day, I'm greeted by a stranger who asks me how I'm doing. 

It may be a cashier, a waiter, a doctor's assistant, someone at a networking event, doesn't matter. 

Nearly every day, I watch their face change when they hear my response. I see their mood change, and I see a noticeable pause in whatever task they were performing. 

I'd say at least 75% of the time their reply is something OTHER than "good" or "OK" in response. My response causes them to change theirs, even if they don't match my level of enthusiasm, which they often comment about. 

"Well, I'm darned good, I don't know if I can be fabulous, but I'm having a darned good day!"

Now, I am fairly bubbly, and I greet them with a beaming smile, but I think there are 2 things that cause them to pause and also result in their response being something OTHER than "good" or "well".

1. The word I choose is different, a word not often used in current conversation.
   
2. The word I choose is typically superlative (Super! Fabulous! Spectacular! Fantastic!)

Also, about 60% of the time, they genuinely thank me for asking how they are doing, and caring I suppose.

Now, I'm not asking you to do the 2nd thing, especially if it's not genuine, because that is just plain annoying and no one is fooled!

So, here is my challenge to you today. Whatever your mood, even if it's sour - now DON'T be the person that spills their every ache and pain and trouble to anyone who makes the mistake of asking how you are - take the half second pause it will require and think of a unique word or phrase to use.

Some ideas to get you started:

If you're having a horrible day you could say:

• Introspective
• A little dull
• A bit curious
• A little scattered

If you're "just OK" you could say:

• Mysterious
• Pleasant
• Just Chillin'

If you are "good" you could say:

• Crazy
• Amused
• Delightful
• Jolly - especially if it's NOT Christmas
• Excited

If you want to kick it up a notch and be superlative you could say:

• Magnificent
• Outstanding
• On Fire
• Glorious
• Splendid
• High on Life
• A party waiting to happen

Give it a try. It's almost as fun as the smile game! See who you can pause with your reply today! You just might make their day!

Share in the comments today --- so, How YOU doin?

Why should I care anyway?

So week by week I share tips and hints on how to reduce your stress level and find ways to be happy today instead of waiting for that "someday" to come along.



Many of you are women entrepreneurs, and maybe you find yourself sitting there saying so what? 
Why should I care about this stuff anyway? 
I'm up to my ears in an effort to find a balance between my work and my family. 
I just don't have time to even think about this self care stuff. 
And stress? Well it just comes with the territory. If I didn't realize that, I wouldn't be in this business in the first place.






Women entrepreneurs are innovators, risk takers, and unlike male entrepreneurs, they have a big mission they are working to share with the world. And that's where you tell yourself you get your daily dose of happiness. When you feel you are making a difference, when you see your mission coming to reality you say - that's what makes me happy. But I'd be willing to wager, that is what gives you a sense of satisfaction. And satisfaction is NOT the same as happiness.

 

I saw a sign in a pub once that read 
"FREE BEER TOMMORROW".
I think women entrepreneurs, especially mompreneurs wear a sign that reads "I'll be happy tomorrow".

I was reading this article today and I have included an excerpt here...

Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.
Healthy ways to relax and recharge

    Go for a walk.
    Spend time in nature.
    Call a good friend.
    Sweat out tension with a good workout.
    Write in your journal.
    Take a long bath.
    Light scented candles.
    Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.
    Play with a pet.
    Work in your garden.
    Get a massage.
    Curl up with a good book.
    Listen to music.
    Watch a comedy.

Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Maybe I sound like a broken record. Maybe I sound young and naive (by the way I'm over 40). Maybe I sound like Bobby McFerrin.

But I'll tell you what, if you ask anyone that talks to me, I'm one of the happiest people they know. And I'm always that way. Part of that is because I choose it, every day. Some days I have to choose it over and over ;) But a really big part of it is the things I share with all of you. The things in the article excerpt above.

• I have a "me place" in my home.

• I light candles almost every day (it helps that I get them all for free of course - I can hook you up too - ping me)

• I take time every day to be fun, be spontaneous, be silly.

• I laugh every single day. Some days I feel like I can't stop laughing.

• I surround myself with like minded people who lift me up.

• I say "YES" to me at least once a week, that may be a massage, a bottle of wine with my best girlfriend, a soak in the tub, a great read in a cozy chair. Whatever my choice, it's something that I do for me and no one else with no guilt and no regret.

So why should you care?

• Nothing runs on burnt out batteries
  
• Wouldn't you like more joy in your life EVERY DAY? 

• Don't you deserve to receive the type of care you give to and demand for those you love?

• If you were talking to your sister, mother, best girlfriend and she was stressed out and about to burst, what advice would you be giving her right now?

• Today is the day to be HAPPY! We're never guaranteed tomorrow. Have big dreams and goals and aspirations, but don't put your happiness on hold until you get there.

Suddenly this song started playing in my head, so I thought I'd share it with all of you too. I know I can't help but smirk when I hear it.

C'mon get happy! 

If you've forgotten how, we SO need to talk! I can totally help you get your giggle on!!

P.S. Ready to reduce your stress? 

Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

Kids have it right

A lot of kids get a bad rap these days. We hear much lamenting about when I was young we this and we that, and kids today are spoiled, and don't know what life is all about... but kids still have it right.

 
I was introduced to this boy this week, I absolutely LOVE him and simply can't get enough. I have probably watched this video 15 times. 


Kids live in the moment. They don't put their dreams on hold, they don't set their happiness aside for another day. They have it right.

I read a blog post today by Jane Powell (love her too). She gets it too. 

I forgot for a while myself. 

It's easy to forget. We go through college and someone tells us it's time to work for what we want, and grow up and stop living with our heads in the clouds. Then we go to work and we put our dreams and our happiness on hold for "someday".

Luckily for me, my run on the hamster wheel was interrupted. My life changed when my husband was laid off in 2005 from a corporate job that had made him so depressed he was a completely different person. We likened the layoff to when a loved one has been really sick for a long time, and they pass away. It’s sad, but it’s really a relief that the suffering is over. We decided it was our last best opportunity for him to pursue his life long dream rather than go back to doing what he hated somewhere else. 

We took a huge leap and walked away from a 70K income and invested another 70K in the additional training he needed.

We decided we didn’t need to suffer any more. My husband’s happiness in his career was more important than his income or our lifestyle. I didn’t know how, but I knew I’d do anything to work it out.

So I started my business alongside my corporate position to supplement our income. I found in helping my husband make his dream come true, I not only found a dream I didn’t even know I had, but I figured out that life is supposed to be good and happy. Every day.

We enjoyed an AMAZING summer along the journey while he was building his hours.
I'll tell you... I can't WAIT until we own our own private plane. I loved driving to the airport and just getting in the plane. I loved the FBOs, kind of like a first class lounge, but it's for the private aircrafts. I loved being able to watch Mike and Jay or one of the other pilots he flew with fly the plane. On a trip back from Atlanta, GA we saw the most amazing lightning storm. Cool stuff!

We learned that it is truly never too late to bring your dream to life. At 43 years of age, my husband got hired as an airline pilot! No more sitting in a cubicle for him. We learned that anything really is possible!

And we’ve figured out that life is about each day, making the most of who we are, where we are and most importantly who we are with.

I look around and see that it wasn’t just me experiencing this - we all get so busy living life, that we forget to Live Life.

It is now my mission in life to help people find their happiness every day. Whether that is making their whole home sparkle and smell amazing, or creating a special space where they can escape and regroup, or giving them the chance to reconnect with some of the most important people in their life, or helping someone create a new career and like me, learn to dream bigger dreams.

It's easy to forget. And it's funny. You know the people who make amazing things happen in the world... the innovators, the memory makers, the Disneys and Gates and Mother Theresas of the world... they never stop dreaming. And that's what makes them great.


So today be a kid. Go out and play. Share what you will do for the sheer joy of it! Share the dream you dare to dream!

P.S. Ready to reduce your stress? 

Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

Related articles

• 101 Ways to Feel Happy on a Daily Basis
• Marcia Wieder: 5 Life-Changing Principles
• Achieve Your Dreams! Tips from US Olympic Gold Medalist Swimmer

Today is the only day that we have

Time...

Is it just me, or did we all think our parents were insane when they told us that time goes faster and faster as you grow older? WOW were they right!

This time of year, it's so easy to look back and reflect on lazy summer days. Didn't summer seem to last forever?

Remember being BORED? HA What a concept! Can you remember the last time you were bored?

As women entrepreneurs, we are always seeking better time management skills, training and techniques. Trying to squeeze an extra hour or two into any given day.

I posit that a large contributor to the phenomenon of time moving ever faster is our lack of ability to be present in the moment. We are always thinking about the next thing on the list, and the more we do that, the faster time goes. Certainly this isn't true 100% of the time, sometimes things that are magical just go by in a flash despite being fully present - like your wedding day, or Christmas morning. I think that's part of the magic maybe :)

My wish for you today, is that you be fully present in today. Today is the only day that we have. There are no guarantees. As a girl who was struck by a car as a pedestrian not once, but twice in my grade school years I can positively say that any one of us can step off of a curb and be hit by a car or a bus. There are no guarantees.

It's still important to have a schedule and a plan and all of those things. But take some time to breathe in the space you're in and enjoy today. 

It's the only day we have!  

Find your thing

Do you have a thing? 

You know, a thing that can make you deliriously happy if you just think of it. Or, at least give you a giggle or at the very very least make you smirk.

The weather in Chicago today is grey and rainy and dreary and about 25-35 degrees colder than it has been the past week or so. If you're familiar with Chicago weather, you know the saying "If you don't like it, just wait a minute, it'll change." And Chicagoans, like most folks, tend to let their moods change with the weather. 

But I noticed today, that mine just didn't. I'm just as happy and silly and goofy as I was yesterday when it was a glorious 70 degrees and sunny. Truth be told, I am generally happy and silly and goofy. 

On any given day, how do you respond to the above question? Do you let your moods change with the weather, or the turn of events of the day?

Or have you found your thing?

Years ago, the catch phrase "happy place" was coined. In the Adam Sandler movie, it was the way he would manage his anger.

Life is so short, and none of us know how long we have. We need to make the most of each day. 

Find your thing. 

Find something that can turn your day or your mood around on a dime (in a good direction). Maybe it is thoughts of a past vacation, or a future one. Maybe it's the image of your children, or your spouse, or your future children or spouse. Maybe it's the thought of the guy in the latest Jockey underwear ad. Maybe it's a warm shiny memory of your Mom or Grandma.

My thing? My slightly off color, constantly wacky sense of hearing, I mean humor. I hear the silliest, most ridiculous things in peripheral conversations. I manage to see the funny in most situations. Life is pretty funny, when you look at it the right way. 

Don't let anyone choose your mood but you. When you start to feel sour, remember your thing.

What's your thing?