Let go of the guilt and GLOW

I love what I do. I mean, I really love what I do.

This week, I had a phenomenal experience at one of my parties. My spectacular chiropractor and hostess set up the night with whimsy, she told all the ladies they were coming to a night of Wine Women & Wax. A couple of them thought we were having a night with wine and hair removal. We had wine, and snacks and pizza. The ladies connected and visited and rejoiced that we were in a room filled with peace and candlelight on a cold, snowy and blustery January night in Chicagoland. 

I began the night like I almost always do, sharing that I believe they did not come out to listen to me talk, but to talk to one another. I shared all the great specials they can take advantage of so they can get the best deal on their shopping, a quick and fun pass the gift game, and a couple quick tidbits.

• Consider creating a space just for you in your home where you can regroup, unwind and recharge at the end of the day.
• When women get together they physically produce more of a chemical oxytocin which reduces stress.
• They are all getting important anti-oxidants by sharing that glass of wine.

As the evening wound down, I received the most wonderful compliments that the ladies were so impressed with my "presentation" and that they really enjoyed connecting with one another, and had never been to another "home party" that gave them that opportunity. And I noted that another amazing thing that happens when women get together, is that we build each other up. We support one another, we comfort one another, we encourage one another, we exchange advice, we commiserate by sharing similar experiences and the compliments flow. 

How often do you get compliments every day?

Ladies, we spend so much of our lives caring for all those around us. You know you do. And you know you should be taking care of yourself better, you know that "self care stuff" is something you should be doing, but because it's for you, you never get to it. And why is it that this falls off of your list every week? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

Add to this, every time you chat with your girlfriend - sometimes via text or facebook message - you promise that you have to get together sometime soon, it's been too long. We can't let it go this long again. And the exact same thing happens. You never get to it. And why? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

But this time, the guilt is a double whammy - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because you feel guilty to "do for yourself" by making the time to spend with your girlfriend or you feel guilty for not keeping your promise to your girlfriend.

How can you win?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You need to take your self-care seriously. I have been thrilled to watch the "extreme self care" practice of Kelly O'Neil as she prepared for her amazing women's leadership conference. 

Take a stand for yourself. If your doctor said you had to make an appointment, you would. This is critical to your mental and physical well being. Say no to the guilt. Make a date with your favorite girls. Luxuriate in one another's company. Notice the glow each and every one of you has after spending time together.       

   
Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 
  

Stress levels rising to critical levels in women

Stress levels in women have reached epidemic proportions. 75 to 90 percent of visits to primary care physicians are for stress-related complaints. Increases in heart disease, sleeping problems, stomach ailments, infertility and chronic fatigue syndrome (also diagnosed as fibromyalgia).

All of this because we are too stressed out, and we do nothing about it!

You remember, when we were kids, we couldn’t wait until we grew up and no one was bossing us around, and we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted, right? 
Many of us had a short period of time in our lives when that was actually true, it was called College. Then, our parents, or mentors, or someone in our lives told us that we had to “grow up” and that “life’s not just one big party” and we had to become responsible and fly right. 
So then we spend the next 40 or 50 YEARS waiting until we can retire so we can do whatever we want whenever we want. 

Well, the sobering truth is that a lot of folks don’t make it to enjoy their retirement and most people who do certainly can’t do whatever they want once they do retire because they are either sick and feeble or living on a shoestring or both.

So here’s the scoop, we need to find a way to enjoy our lives today. We have to stop waiting for that magical someday to come because it just might not. 
Now, I’m not telling you that if you have a job you hate that I can fix that (well, actually maybe I can, but that’s not what I'm talking about today), and I’m not telling you that I can fix any issues that may exist with your spouse or significant other. And I’m certainly not telling you that I can prevent your kids from making you crazy. What I am telling you, is that there are things you can do to manage your stress, so that these things aren’t ruling YOU and they aren’t the only thoughts that camp out in your brain 24 hours a day. And they’re so much easier than you might think.

Check this out...

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman BUT for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.

At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. - Did you catch that?

There's a tendency to think that when we are exercising we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged--not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other women is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! - WOW as dangerous as smoking!

OK - I want everyone to take note, the head of psychiatry at Stanford University has gone on record saying that having a glass of wine with your girlfriends is as important as exercise and NOT doing so is as dangerous as smoking! Well, maybe he didn’t say the wine was a requirement, but we need those antioxidants, right?

In between our “grown up play dates” there is something else we can do, to decrease our stress levels passively on a daily basis.



 

Women need a place in their home that is just for them. Whether it is a bedroom or bathroom sanctuary, or a quiet corner of a living room with a comfy chair and a book-stand. Women need to create for themselves that special place where they can unwind and recharge so we can face the next day, or the rest of today. 

It's not a luxury, it's critical to our well being and the well being of all those we care for. 

Some of the most popular personal sanctuaries are: a reading nook, a bathroom spa, a bedroom escape, a meditation space and a backyard oasis, but they can be as unique and varied as we are as women. What is your idea of a personal sanctuary?

What they all have in common is that they create a unique feeling, and grant the ability to breathe a relaxing sigh.


This taking care of ourselves stuff is really truly important. Not all new age and woo woo. We blow it off and then we wonder why our physical and mental health is on a constant state of decline. We tell ourselves that we just need to make it through Friday and then we'll get a chance to regroup. Then the weekend comes and goes with its own list of to-do's and chores and obligations. And before we know it, it’s Sunday night and we’re just as exhausted, overwhelmed, overworked and underappreciated as we were on Tuesday or Wednesday.

So what are you waiting for? Share in the comments: Are you going to schedule a "grown up play date" on your calendar this week, or what is your idea of a personal sanctuary (bathroom, bedroom, meditation space, backyard)?

Why should I care anyway?

So week by week I share tips and hints on how to reduce your stress level and find ways to be happy today instead of waiting for that "someday" to come along.



Many of you are women entrepreneurs, and maybe you find yourself sitting there saying so what? 
Why should I care about this stuff anyway? 
I'm up to my ears in an effort to find a balance between my work and my family. 
I just don't have time to even think about this self care stuff. 
And stress? Well it just comes with the territory. If I didn't realize that, I wouldn't be in this business in the first place.






Women entrepreneurs are innovators, risk takers, and unlike male entrepreneurs, they have a big mission they are working to share with the world. And that's where you tell yourself you get your daily dose of happiness. When you feel you are making a difference, when you see your mission coming to reality you say - that's what makes me happy. But I'd be willing to wager, that is what gives you a sense of satisfaction. And satisfaction is NOT the same as happiness.

 

I saw a sign in a pub once that read 
"FREE BEER TOMMORROW".
I think women entrepreneurs, especially mompreneurs wear a sign that reads "I'll be happy tomorrow".

I was reading this article today and I have included an excerpt here...

Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.
Healthy ways to relax and recharge

    Go for a walk.
    Spend time in nature.
    Call a good friend.
    Sweat out tension with a good workout.
    Write in your journal.
    Take a long bath.
    Light scented candles.
    Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.
    Play with a pet.
    Work in your garden.
    Get a massage.
    Curl up with a good book.
    Listen to music.
    Watch a comedy.

Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Maybe I sound like a broken record. Maybe I sound young and naive (by the way I'm over 40). Maybe I sound like Bobby McFerrin.

But I'll tell you what, if you ask anyone that talks to me, I'm one of the happiest people they know. And I'm always that way. Part of that is because I choose it, every day. Some days I have to choose it over and over ;) But a really big part of it is the things I share with all of you. The things in the article excerpt above.

• I have a "me place" in my home.

• I light candles almost every day (it helps that I get them all for free of course - I can hook you up too - ping me)

• I take time every day to be fun, be spontaneous, be silly.

• I laugh every single day. Some days I feel like I can't stop laughing.

• I surround myself with like minded people who lift me up.

• I say "YES" to me at least once a week, that may be a massage, a bottle of wine with my best girlfriend, a soak in the tub, a great read in a cozy chair. Whatever my choice, it's something that I do for me and no one else with no guilt and no regret.

So why should you care?

• Nothing runs on burnt out batteries
  
• Wouldn't you like more joy in your life EVERY DAY? 

• Don't you deserve to receive the type of care you give to and demand for those you love?

• If you were talking to your sister, mother, best girlfriend and she was stressed out and about to burst, what advice would you be giving her right now?

• Today is the day to be HAPPY! We're never guaranteed tomorrow. Have big dreams and goals and aspirations, but don't put your happiness on hold until you get there.

Suddenly this song started playing in my head, so I thought I'd share it with all of you too. I know I can't help but smirk when I hear it.

C'mon get happy! 

If you've forgotten how, we SO need to talk! I can totally help you get your giggle on!!

P.S. Ready to reduce your stress? 

Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

What if you could recreate your favorite spa or vacation at home?

Your home should be your sanctuary. The place you feel safe, secure, welcome and happiest of all.
So why is it that we look so forward to a day at the spa or a weekend away?
It's more than just the disconnection from the to-do list, screaming kids, and nagging spouse, though that certainly helps.

It's more than the massage, or facial or beach chair.

When you look around you at the spa, all the things you see are filled with beauty. They are meant to create a sense of serenity, peace, joy, calm. 

And just by looking at these things, 
 you feel those feelings. You allow yourself to let go of that mental to-do list. You turn down the volume on the voice of that inner nag. You allow yourself to focus on just you, on just the moment that you're in.

When you look around your home, you probably don't feel the same way. 

But what if you could?

What if you could recreate that experience of the spa, or your favorite vacation in your home?
How would you feel if every day, when you walked into your bathroom, you felt like you were walking into a spa?
How would you feel if every day, when you walked into your home office, you were reminded of the weekend at a rented beach house with your family?
How would you feel if every day, when you walked into your living room, you were transported to the week you spent in Florida when you went to Bush Gardens with the kids and saw giraffes and elephants close up?

Have you ever walked into a beautiful hotel lobby and it just made you exhale and smile?

If you could, and you did recreate one of your favorite experiences, think how that could incrementally decrease your stress levels each day. I'm not implying that you can remove all of your daily stresses by decorating a beautiful bathroom. But imagine, if each day, you walked into a room in your home and it just made you exhale and smile.

Each time that happens, just a tiny amount of your stress will melt away. Every day. 


How would that make you feel?

Build your Stress Burning Furnace

You’re stressed out. 

I get it.

You’re overworked, overbooked and overextended. 

I get it.

You’ve heard all the nicey nice strategies for reducing your stress, and they all make you think 

“sure, if I had time to lay around in a bath for an hour or two, I wouldn’t NEED stress relief”

or “If I could get 5 minutes of silence in my house, I’d love to try yoga or meditation.”

Now, I’m not going to tell you that you still shouldn’t try to carve out some time, even 15 minutes a day for some self care. And I still staunchly recommend finding an hour or 2 at least once a month for some girl on girl time. I have a whole other article on the benefit of and need for that.

BUT I am here to offer you a solution.

Have you ever heard that the more muscle a body has, the more fat is burned all the time, even when at rest? So, here’s how that works. If a person has more muscle mass, it increases their base metabolism so that their fat burning furnace is frying up more calories all the time, even when they are sitting or sleeping. The idea is that then this person will actually lose more weight and not have to kill themselves doing cardio or other fat burning aerobic exercise as much.

Have I lost you? Hang with me here.

I’m here to tell you that we can create a stress burning furnace for you so that even if you can’t find the time or the quiet to engage in those stress reducing activities, you will burn stress all the time if you follow this simple solution.

Create a home sanctuary.

First, don’t freak out and think I’m giving you another huge project or list of things to add to your already too long to do list. This doesn’t have to be done all in one swell foop as we say in my family.

Now, there is no one “recipe” for creating your home sanctuary, because something that is soothing to one person can be completely irritating to the next, but there are some simple steps to follow.

1. De-Clutter - one of the big things that will add to your stress level is clutter. We all have it. One great tip I learned was to grab a laundry basket when it’s not laundry day and go through the house. Everything that is in a place that it doesn’t belong goes into the laundry basket. Relocate items to the room they belong in or designate a “needs a home” spot in a location you don’t have to look at every day like a laundry room or the basement.
   
2. Let go of the guilt - those items you have in your home because great aunt Mary Sue gave them to you as a gift but you’ve always hated... take them down. If you MUST hang on to them, pack them with love in a hope chest with a lovely letter about great aunt Mary Sue. If you can bear to part with them, donate them to a local charity. Maybe you can even tell great aunt Mary Sue that she inspired you to make a charitable donation. You’ll get rid of that “I hate that” feeling when you go into that room and you’ll feel great for helping out a charity.
   
3. Change your color palette - This does not mean buying new furniture or repainting all your walls. So much of the focus and feeling of a room comes from the accessories! You can start by choosing a color palette for a room and shopping in your own home. You’d be surprised to find that the wall hanging from the front hallway takes on a completely different feel when it is in the living room. Invest in 1 great accent piece and shop in your home or at the discount stores to complete the look.
   
4. Create your happy place - pick one type of sanctuary to complete for yourself. This does not necessarily mean changing the kid’s old room into your new yoga and meditation studio, but heck, if that’s what you want, more power to you! Pick something like a bathroom spa retreat or a cozy book, music or game corner. Whatever is going to fill you with the most peace or joy and pull the corner of your home together.
   
5. Engage all your senses - the more senses you can please, the more peaceful you will feel. You can add a fountain or music for sound. Create the lighting that pleases you, whether that’s side lights, shaded lamps, direct sunlight or soft candle light. Bring in fragrances that create the mood you choose. These can come from natural sources like sprigs of evergreen trees, cinnamon brooms, scented flowers, or herbs. They can also come from room sprays, fragrance warmers or scented candles. Different plants and herbs produce different beneficial results. For example, lavender is an excellent stress reliever, spearmint can help bring greater mental clarity, and anise has been known to help to relieve menstrual cramps. Bring living plants into the house that not only add beauty to the surroundings, but that also bring in healthful oxygen and purify the air.

When you’re finished, your home should make you feel joyous, supported, at peace, inspired, and free to be yourself. Our homes should be sanctuaries for our bodies, minds, and spirits. They should be restorative and far from the stress-filled world of work, deadlines, and traffic jams.

Once you have created this space, it will become your stress burning furnace. Just like that high muscle mass metabolism, even if you’re helping Suzi with her algebra, just being in your home sanctuary will slowly chip away at that day’s stress buildup.

Related articles

• De-Cluttering (inspirationlocation.com)