Let go of the guilt and GLOW

I love what I do. I mean, I really love what I do.

This week, I had a phenomenal experience at one of my parties. My spectacular chiropractor and hostess set up the night with whimsy, she told all the ladies they were coming to a night of Wine Women & Wax. A couple of them thought we were having a night with wine and hair removal. We had wine, and snacks and pizza. The ladies connected and visited and rejoiced that we were in a room filled with peace and candlelight on a cold, snowy and blustery January night in Chicagoland. 

I began the night like I almost always do, sharing that I believe they did not come out to listen to me talk, but to talk to one another. I shared all the great specials they can take advantage of so they can get the best deal on their shopping, a quick and fun pass the gift game, and a couple quick tidbits.

• Consider creating a space just for you in your home where you can regroup, unwind and recharge at the end of the day.
• When women get together they physically produce more of a chemical oxytocin which reduces stress.
• They are all getting important anti-oxidants by sharing that glass of wine.

As the evening wound down, I received the most wonderful compliments that the ladies were so impressed with my "presentation" and that they really enjoyed connecting with one another, and had never been to another "home party" that gave them that opportunity. And I noted that another amazing thing that happens when women get together, is that we build each other up. We support one another, we comfort one another, we encourage one another, we exchange advice, we commiserate by sharing similar experiences and the compliments flow. 

How often do you get compliments every day?

Ladies, we spend so much of our lives caring for all those around us. You know you do. And you know you should be taking care of yourself better, you know that "self care stuff" is something you should be doing, but because it's for you, you never get to it. And why is it that this falls off of your list every week? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

Add to this, every time you chat with your girlfriend - sometimes via text or facebook message - you promise that you have to get together sometime soon, it's been too long. We can't let it go this long again. And the exact same thing happens. You never get to it. And why? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

But this time, the guilt is a double whammy - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because you feel guilty to "do for yourself" by making the time to spend with your girlfriend or you feel guilty for not keeping your promise to your girlfriend.

How can you win?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You need to take your self-care seriously. I have been thrilled to watch the "extreme self care" practice of Kelly O'Neil as she prepared for her amazing women's leadership conference. 

Take a stand for yourself. If your doctor said you had to make an appointment, you would. This is critical to your mental and physical well being. Say no to the guilt. Make a date with your favorite girls. Luxuriate in one another's company. Notice the glow each and every one of you has after spending time together.       

   
Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 
  

Self care doesn't have to be hard...

It can be soft, really soft 

Did you get your hug today?

You've heard you are supposed to be practicing self-care, right? And sometimes it feels like just one more thing to add to your to-do list rather than something to actually reduce your stress level, right?

It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be difficult. It can be short, it can be simple. It can be a hug.

Hugging is a great self-care ritual.

"We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”  Virginia Satir

Recent medical research at University of North Carolina found that both blood pressure and levels of Cortisol, the hormone produced when we’re under stress, were significantly lowered (particularly in women) when subjects hugged their partners for at least twenty seconds.

A 20 second hug is the optimal length - it is just long enough to trigger the release of oxytocin -- the "love drug"

Practice some great self-care today and help a friend do the same - hug someone!

Leading up to my upcoming webinar, I'm sending out daily mini self-care stress relief tidbits. Catch them on my Facebook page or on twitter.

Mark your calendar! Tuesday, November 13, 7:00 PM
Learn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Dealing with Hostility

Most of the time, when I write to you about stress relief and self care, I talk about the effects of stress and the consequences of not managing it, and I talk about stress in a very general way.

Similar to last week's topic, today I write to you about a specific stress source.

Dealing with Hostility



 
You may experience this from a job with a boss or coworker, you may experience this through a family member, you may experience this through a social acquaintance. In any of these scenarios, you are unable to simply extract yourself from the hostile environment, at least in the short term. 




**Please note, when I reference a family member, I am NOT referring to any incidents of physical or mental abuse those are serious circumstances and I would recommend seeking out resources dedicated to that; my reference is more along the lines of overly negative or condescending family members or family members "lobbying against you" to other family members.

In the case of the job, perhaps you can find another job, and that is definitely a good route to pursue, of course this can negatively impact your own career path.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, we'll assume that you must endure this hostility on a regular basis. It may ebb and flow, but in general it is a constant. Again in the case of the workplace, one may recommend talking with HR or other management personnel, but anyone who has spent any time in corporate America knows this invariably ends up hurting you more in the long run.

Bullying is a hot topic today in the media. There have been numerous stories in the media and I've seen graphics and notes trending on social media as well. While I completely believe that as an adult, especially as a woman, you should absolutely stand up for yourself, I also see the negative consequences of that action in these situations.

A few important things to keep in mind if you are in this situation

Stand your ground but pick your battles - While it is important to stand up for yourself, sometimes it only escalates the hostility. When the aggressor comes at you, respond rationally - keep your emotions out of the response entirely - and respond with only pertinent facts.

Remember that you can only affect you. You can't change another person, so don't let them change you. This is a hard one, especially when you're in the "throws of battle". Sometimes you may find yourself thinking unsavory thoughts, or even saying unkind things. This may serve a momentary purpose of blowing off some steam, but in the long run, it chips away at the awesomeness that is you. Don't let them win by making you be a person you'd ever be ashamed of. I saw a great quote yesterday

If you knew for absolute certain, that every little thing you did today would later be scrutinized, literally moment by moment, by a future you, and future friends, as well as anyone else interested, and you'd all be looking for a number of qualities, especially patience, kindness, and love, during this game of games and test of tests called life, how might you treat the very next person you see after reading this Note?

I find that it is easiest for me if I can find a story to believe that changes my anger to pity for the other person. For example, a person may do or say bad things, but maybe they don't know any better or maybe they lack the ability to control their words and actions. Perhaps they are so insecure that the only way they see to improve their self image is to tear down others around them.

Believe in Karma - keep being the best you that you can be in the face of the aggressor. Show up each day undaunted and untainted. Let the aggressor build their own pyre.

Kill them with kindness - Now, you can't just spend all day lathering on the wax so you can be the duck and let it all roll off your back without it affecting you. And don't misunderstand me, I'm not necessarily advocating making friends or "making nice" with the aggressor. But be the better person, don't just act like the better person, actually be the better person.

Breathe - when you feel overwhelmed, take a break, take a walk, excuse yourself to the washroom if you need to, go get a cup of coffee or tea or wine. Find a something that is a real treat for yourself - I have a Coconut Rum flavored Green Tea that I am LOVING right now.

Detox - Make sure you maximize time spent away from the toxic environment. Try not to dwell, it's tough, but the more you can put it out of your mind, the less they "win". If it is a work environment, take your lunch away from the office. If it is a family member or social acquaintance, create a soothing drive home routine. And once you get home, spend a little time in your favorite personal space taking care of you. You won't have time to soak in the tub for an hour each night, but you can lock the bathroom door, light a candle and steam your face in the sink or apply a 5 minute masque, or sit on your back deck or in front of your fire with a glass of wine for 5 minutes.

Sometimes toxic people exist in our lives, and some of them even actively, openly and aggressivly attack us with hostitily. When we let that change us is when they win.

Be awesome in spite of them.

Finding Mr Right

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. As a result, I'm inspired to write about something a little different than the norm.

I know I have several close personal girlfriends that have a lot of stress in their lives around finding that special someone, so I presume they aren't the only ladies in the world dealing with that right now. 

I used to work with a woman who always complained about not being able to find Mr. Right, and I would often respond that she needed to go out and do things and meet people, as he wasn't going to come knocking on her apartment door. Of course, she would reply "Why not? It happened to you."
And while that's true, it's not the norm and certainly won't happen to most people in the world.

As another girlfriend of mine often insists I share the story with new friends, I'll share it here.

It was summer 1990, I was living in Carbondale, IL. I was teaching preschool during the day and waiting tables at night. It is a college town, but I wasn't going to college at the time. Mike came up the balcony and knocked on my door looking for my neighbor across the hall. Being a college town, I did actually know where Nick was. I told Mike he was at work yadda yadda yadda. 

Pow Zoom Fireworks! 

It was crazy because everything I liked about him I totally didn't like. He wore regular jeans when everyone was wearing acid and stone wash, he wore cowboy boots, and I didn't know anyone that really did that, and he had LONG hair! And he was the hottest guy I had ever seen in my life. Later he came over and he and Nick were going out. He kept trying to convince me to come along with them. I was going out with another boy at the time and we were supposed to "talk" that night. Mike kept saying he wouldn't show, but I couldn't be the one not to show, so I stayed home and of course, he didn't show. So, the next day, I broke up with his answering machine. Mike and I went out that night, we stayed up all night and we've been together ever since.

As we got to know each other better, it was funny how many things that made him perfect for me were things you would think of as opposite. He was the first guy I dated that I couldn't manipulate in any way - now I know that sounds bad, but girls, we all know we have at least one if not two "secret weapons" in our arsenal to get our way when we really want it. Yeah, not one of them worked on him. He was the first guy I dated that I really, truly respected and still to this day consider my one true equal.

So what does any of this have to do with your stress level when it comes to finding Mr Right?

Here are my tips - not necessarily on finding Mr Right, but on not driving yourself crazy in the process.

1. Stop looking. It's crazy what finds you when you're not looking for it. Have you ever been in the grocery store trying to reconnect with someone who ran to another aisle? Ever had the experience where you're going down one aisle as they are going the opposite direction? This could be happening to you right now! 
2. Find things that you truly enjoy. Not only would it be awesome if the person you met was into the things you love - hint hint you *could* meet them while doing these things, but you never know who you'll meet that could connect you to that person.
3. Become the best version of you. When I was younger, I'd see all the time girls who were looking for another person to "be" their happiness. While I certainly don't think this is the case with any of my current girlfriends, I am sure it is still out there. And, when you are truly happy spending time with YOU, you'd be amazed how magnetic you become.

And in the process of these things, you'll find the anxiety over the process of finding the person will slowly dwindle.

Wishing you all the love and laughter in the world! It's certainly what makes my life the joy it is! 

Stress? Everyone's got it. So what? Right?

I know many of you are entrepreneurs, and so you are definitely a step or two ahead of the “average Jane” in that at least, you are passionate about what you do each day. But that doesn’t make it any less stressful. Some may say more stress, I say different stress. You’re not worried about the company layoffs, but you are worried about your company profits and where your next customer is going to come from.

What is your current stress level? 
 
Rate the following questions 1-5 on how true the statements are for you:

1. I find it difficult to keep up with everything going on in my life
2. I never seem to sleep enough
3. My energy isn't what I want it to be
4. I eat too much when I'm nervous
5. I get angry or frustrated over little things
6. I find it difficult to achieve the lifestyle I want
7. I find it difficult to take the time to take care of me
8. Anxiety, frustration, sadness, anger, guilt, or embarrassment get in the way of me enjoying my life
9. I find myself worrying about aspects of my life (1 for each)
   job finances success relationships marriage children

Compare your hand temperature to your neck temperature by touching your neck with the fingertips of both hands. Do your fingers feel colder than your neck? Do your fingers feel warm like your neck?
Warm Hands are Relaxed, Cold Hands are Tense.

If your fingers feel really cold, then you are showing extra tension perhaps too much stress.
If your fingers feel cool, then you are showing some tension.
If your fingers are warm like your neck, then you may be relaxed and comfortable.
If your fingers feel hotter than your neck, then you may be deeply relaxed.

Rate Yourself:

Score:

9-18         You are one cool cucumber, one happy camper. You got it under  
                control. Go YOU! You should share your secrets with your friends.
19-27       You are right on the edge. Still in control, but starting to feel the 
                signs.
28-37       We need to talk! You seriously need to schedule some girl time.     
                Maybe a 2nd glass of wine.
38-46       Danger danger Will Robinson! You are on serious stress overload.
               We need a "6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine" intervention!

Now, if you've read my blog before, you know my top 2 stress relief suggestions. Whether you are able to get together with your girlfriends or not, whether you are able to create a calming space in your home or not, you still need to find your “Happy Place”. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow stepping off a curb. We have to stop waiting for “someday” to be happy. No more of this “I just have to knuckle down and really work the business now, and when we hit X then I can relax a little and take time to do “all those things”.

Aren’t “all those things” the whole point?

Women more than men as entrepreneurs, and business women make huge sacrifices believing that later, they’ll be able to make up for it, after they achieve their success. They miss the kids’ games, birthday parties, anniversary dinners, girlfriend lunches and they are still making 70 cents on the dollar compared to a man in the same position. Men don’t feel guilty about watching the game instead of mowing the lawn, or playing a round of golf instead of making an appearance at the neighborhood barbecue.
Women work twice as hard, make less money, all while taking care of every household detail. Now I know we are busy, and it’s tough to schedule play time. But isn’t that the whole point? Shouldn’t we take the kind of care of ourselves that we demand for those we love?
 
I know, especially busy women entrepreneurs are high octane people. “I thrive on stress.” Right? “I do my best work under pressure.” Right? But it adds up, and it sneaks up on you like grey hairs and before you know it you burn out.

And aside from the passion you feel for your business, isn’t part of why you want to be a successful business woman just so that you can enjoy “all those things”.  

A turning point in my life was when my husband was laid off from a corporate job that had made him so depressed he was a completely different person. We likened the layoff to when a loved one has been really sick for a long time, and they pass away. It’s sad, but it’s really a relief that the suffering is over. We decided it was our last best opportunity for him to pursue his life long dream rather than go back to doing what he hated somewhere else. We walked away from a 70K income and invested an additional 70K in the additional training he needed.
We decided we didn’t need to suffer any more. My husband’s happiness in his career was more important than his income or our lifestyle. I didn’t know how, but I knew I’d do anything to work it out.
So I started my business alongside my corporate position to supplement our income. Don’t worry, this isn’t a pitch for my “business opp”. Here’s the point, in helping my husband make his dream come true, I not only found a dream I didn’t even know I had, but I figured out that life is supposed to be good and happy. Every day.

 
We learned that it is truly never too late to bring your dream to life. At 43 years of age, my husband got hired as an airline pilot. No more sitting in a cubicle for him. We learned that anything really is possible.
And we’ve figured out that life is about each day, making the most of who we are, where we are and most importantly who we are with.
It turns out it wasn’t just me experiencing this - we all get so busy living life, that we forget to Live Life.

I love this picture. I have this hanging next to my mirror so I see it every morning. These aren’t my words, but it reminds me how great each day can be.

 Waking Up Full of Awesome

There was a time when you were five years old, and you woke up full of awesome.
You knew you were awesome. You loved yourself.
You thought you were beautiful, even with missing teeth and messy hair and mismatched socks inside your grubby sneakers.
You loved your body, and the things it could do. You thought you were strong. You knew you were smart.
Do you still have it? The awesome. Did someone take it from you? Did you let them?...
Look at her. She is full of awesome.
You were, once. Maybe you still are. Maybe you are in the process of getting it back.
All I know is that if you aren’t waking up feeling like this, you are really missing out.


And if you can’t find your awesome every day, find your happy place. Find your thing or list of things that make you smile, or better yet, make you giggle. Maybe your thing is your beautiful daughter, or your handsome son. Maybe your thing is the vacation to Maui you took 2 years ago and you would love to repeat. Maybe your thing is art, something beautiful like Monet. Maybe your thing is music. I definitely can’t have a bad day, when I start it off by shaking my groove thang or singing at the top of my lungs alone in my car.
Maybe your thing is really great shoes, I know I have a certain kind of joy when I’m wearing a really great pair of shoes.
My big “thing” is I find the funny. Truth be told, sometimes I find the funny in inappropriate things or situations, and I have to stifle my giggle. More truth be told, sometimes I’m more successful at giggle stifling than others.

And here the secret formula:
Start your day with that thing. Before you walk out the door, or pick up the phone for your first business conversation, go to your happy place. Give yourself the gift of 30 seconds - heck go for it and maybe give yourself a whole minute. Think about your thing. Look at yourself in the mirror with that huge smile on your face.
And then, when you feel your stress levels on the rise, take a moment, take a breath, and go to your thing, your happy place, and (if it’s not completely inappropriate) give yourself the gift of that smile again.

You’ll be surprised how much just that moment in your happy place will drain some of that stress away.

Just Relax!

Is it just me, or when you are all spun up about something, or feeling excessively tense, or just completely overwhelmed and someone, a well meaning someone, tells you to "Just Relax" does it have the opposite effect?

But when you are overwhelmed, over worked and just ready to tip over the edge you need SOMETHING. And we're all tempted to do the most unhealthy things to get through. We grab a chocolate bar, or some "comfort food", maybe a big bowl of ice cream or a gooey brownie. All those things are great to indulge in once in a while, and if you've been reading me for any time, you know I'm a big promoter of doing something that truly makes you happy and even indulging every now and then. The point here is that this isn't really going to reduce your stress level, and what's worse, it will increase the dreaded guilt!

As busy business women, we are constantly juggling and trying to clear an ever filling plate. We end up in a vicious cycle that leaves us feeling guilty and isolated. We feel guilty that we don't get to the things on our plate that have been there the longest, but always seem to lose out on priority. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our family when we're working. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our work when we're with our family. We feel guilty that we haven't come up with a solution to this whole "life balance" equation yet. We feel guilty that there are people in our lives we cherish that we promise and promise to see, but that commitment just ends up being another item on our plate with a "C" priority that doesn't make the cut. And perish the thought of doing something just for you.

But that's just the thing that you need.

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things a woman can do for her health is to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities.

Brain Chemistry information from Beverly Keyes Taylor @ www.genderbrainchemistry.com

Stress is the cause of almost all health problems, which is the direct effect of the level of cortisol released into the body during stressful times.  

The stressed man wants to withdraw and just relax, mindlessly forgetting about the stress of his day. This is a necessary action for him to rebuild the testosterone used up during the stress of the day.

The stressed woman wants to talk about her stress, as that increases her oxytocin and serotonin. As she talks to an intent and well trained listener, her levels of serotonin and oxytocin rise, and she begins to feel more relaxed. As women have more language centers in both hemispheres of the brain, she more easily articulates, communicates, and expresses her emotions and feelings.

When the stressed man is not allowed to recover his testosterone, and the stressed woman doesn’t raise her oxytocin level, their cortisol level stays high. This changes the brain chemistry, leaving them feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and even more stressed.

Not to mention, cortisol is the hormone that stores the toxins in the body. It surrounds them with water and fat, and stores them right in the mid section. Cortisol also raises the level of hypertension, coronary disease, embolisms and obesity. This vicious cycle begins with not taking care of the level of stress according to your gender. This changes the chemistry of your brain. Therefore you may notice physiological changes brought on by stress such as mood swings, irritability and depression. Physical changes such as of loss of health may follow.

So when we get together, and we talk about what's going on in our lives, we get relief. We get relief from the guilt over not keeping our commitment to see these wonderful ladies. We get relief from the feeling of isolation that we are the ONLY person going through what we're currently experiencing. We get relief from being "on-duty". We get encouragement, advice, support and strength from our community. We laugh, we reminisce, we relax. 

And our stress starts to melt away.

So the next time you hear "Just Relax" it's time to phone, text or email your favorite girlies and schedule some quality girl time.

I'm curious, when is the last time you got together with your girlfriends? What did you do?

Related articles

4 stress relief tips for female entrepreneurs

driven women entrepreneurs can be more susceptible to stress and burn out

3 Tips On How Women Entrepreneurs Can Conquer Stress

Why should I care anyway?

So week by week I share tips and hints on how to reduce your stress level and find ways to be happy today instead of waiting for that "someday" to come along.



Many of you are women entrepreneurs, and maybe you find yourself sitting there saying so what? 
Why should I care about this stuff anyway? 
I'm up to my ears in an effort to find a balance between my work and my family. 
I just don't have time to even think about this self care stuff. 
And stress? Well it just comes with the territory. If I didn't realize that, I wouldn't be in this business in the first place.






Women entrepreneurs are innovators, risk takers, and unlike male entrepreneurs, they have a big mission they are working to share with the world. And that's where you tell yourself you get your daily dose of happiness. When you feel you are making a difference, when you see your mission coming to reality you say - that's what makes me happy. But I'd be willing to wager, that is what gives you a sense of satisfaction. And satisfaction is NOT the same as happiness.

 

I saw a sign in a pub once that read 
"FREE BEER TOMMORROW".
I think women entrepreneurs, especially mompreneurs wear a sign that reads "I'll be happy tomorrow".

I was reading this article today and I have included an excerpt here...

Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.
Healthy ways to relax and recharge

    Go for a walk.
    Spend time in nature.
    Call a good friend.
    Sweat out tension with a good workout.
    Write in your journal.
    Take a long bath.
    Light scented candles.
    Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.
    Play with a pet.
    Work in your garden.
    Get a massage.
    Curl up with a good book.
    Listen to music.
    Watch a comedy.

Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Maybe I sound like a broken record. Maybe I sound young and naive (by the way I'm over 40). Maybe I sound like Bobby McFerrin.

But I'll tell you what, if you ask anyone that talks to me, I'm one of the happiest people they know. And I'm always that way. Part of that is because I choose it, every day. Some days I have to choose it over and over ;) But a really big part of it is the things I share with all of you. The things in the article excerpt above.

• I have a "me place" in my home.

• I light candles almost every day (it helps that I get them all for free of course - I can hook you up too - ping me)

• I take time every day to be fun, be spontaneous, be silly.

• I laugh every single day. Some days I feel like I can't stop laughing.

• I surround myself with like minded people who lift me up.

• I say "YES" to me at least once a week, that may be a massage, a bottle of wine with my best girlfriend, a soak in the tub, a great read in a cozy chair. Whatever my choice, it's something that I do for me and no one else with no guilt and no regret.

So why should you care?

• Nothing runs on burnt out batteries
  
• Wouldn't you like more joy in your life EVERY DAY? 

• Don't you deserve to receive the type of care you give to and demand for those you love?

• If you were talking to your sister, mother, best girlfriend and she was stressed out and about to burst, what advice would you be giving her right now?

• Today is the day to be HAPPY! We're never guaranteed tomorrow. Have big dreams and goals and aspirations, but don't put your happiness on hold until you get there.

Suddenly this song started playing in my head, so I thought I'd share it with all of you too. I know I can't help but smirk when I hear it.

C'mon get happy! 

If you've forgotten how, we SO need to talk! I can totally help you get your giggle on!!

P.S. Ready to reduce your stress? 

Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

Friday Fun day it's easy to lower that stress and find your "Happy Place"

It's Friday, and I'm a day late on my 2nd post of the week. 
 

Friday is fun day. It's an easy day to let go of stress and find our Happy Place. One of my girlfriends has a party every single Friday night, and no she's not 23. She gets the importance of connecting and unwinding and has established her home as a spot where friends and family know they can escape to at the end of a busy week.
That's me smack in the middle :) 




I share often that a HUGE way to relieve your stress as a woman is to physically get together with other women. There is an actual change in our brain chemistry when we are together that increases our serotonin levels. 

~ There is some evidence to support the theory that this is a result of pheromones, the same phenomenon that causes women's menstrual cycles to synchronize ~ 

However the science behind it works, I think we all know that my signature phrase "6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine" is a sure fire way to forget your troubles, reduce your stress and find your "Happy Place".




While I can't spend my normal full Friday late night at my girlfriends this week as I have a few things to finish getting set up at home for my big Launch Party on Sunday and Monday, I do look forward to popping by, celebrating the birthday of a friend (with a little relax with wax birthday gift) and getting my connection on. 



 


What are you doing on this Friday Fun day to lower your stress and find your "Happy Place"? I'd love to hear about it!   

Lower your stress before you begin

I was honored this week to be asked to speak as a guest on a blog for wedding professionals. The first question on the list I felt deserved its own spot here as well as I think it can apply to all women business owners. 

What better time to reduce your stress level than before you begin your day?

What would you recommend to business owners whom are stressed out with their businesses as a quick way to de-stress in the morning before they tackle the day?

I would definitely suggest a solid morning routine which includes some inspirational self care. 

Add 15-20 minutes to your morning routine.

Optimally, you will have a lovely space in your home that rejuvenates you. This can be your back deck or patio, a corner of your living room or bedroom, or even your bathroom if it is soothing and refreshing. 

Include some soft music, this can be while you enjoy your morning beverage (coffee, tea, smoothie). 

I also recommend lighting a candle, burning incense or a fragrance warmer to add some glow and pleasing fragrance.

If you meditate, this is a perfect time to do that as a start to your day.

Key elements to reduce your stress level, whether you meditate or not:

1. You've heard this I'm certain, but be grateful for what you have right now. I'm not saying practice gratitude for what you envision having, but truly give thanks for some wonders you have in your life today, in this moment. Today that thing may be the opportunity to run your own business, or a great night's sleep, or a supportive and loving spouse, or really cushy bedroom slippers.
2. Have a notebook or scrapbook with some work you have done that you are especially proud of, that makes you feel you are doing your best work and look through these. Remember why you are doing this. Remember the purpose that you are meant to share.
3. Give focus to 3 tasks you intend to complete today to grow or expand your business. See how you will complete them and envision the impact you most desire from their implementation. 
4. (optional) Read a beautiful or inspiring quote or reading.
5. (optional) Have a funny/inspirational photo near your mirror to remind you how amazing you are.
6. (optional) MOVE! Put on a great song and let yourself sing out loud and dance around.

Now go tackle your day! Make it the best day of your life! 

I would love to hear your thoughts on the idea of adding this to your morning. Can you envision this making a difference in your daily stress level? Your general happiness with your business?

Women work so hard

I received a great tweet this week from Cassandra Washington @exceedlearning. 

"Wow! Women wrk so hard. They nd a space 2 relax."

How true is that? 

• What woman you know doesn't do at least 3 jobs?
  
• Who makes it look effortless most of the time?
  
• Who doesn't get thanked enough?
  
• Who slowly and quietly gets more overwhelmed each day?
  
• Who will never complain about the load she bears?

We all know how important it is to take care of ourselves, but we often neglect it. 

When you make a space to relax in your home, at least you have a go-to spot when you need to regroup and your girlfriends and a bottle of wine don't happen to be handy.

Need Inspiration? Check out my website or my Pin Boards. While you're at my site, don't forget to sign up to get my BONUS Report ~ How to create your personal sanctuary. 

You work so hard, you need a space to relax!

 
 

Keeping Commitments

As women, we are wired to be pleasers, nurturers, care takers, problem solvers and issue resolvers. We care for our families, we care for our girlfriends, we care for our girlfriends' families, we care for our colleagues, our employees, our business associates. 

We take very seriously every commitment we make to every person in our lives. 

We would be horrified to let any of them down.

 


And this is a HUGE factor to our ever increasing stress levels. We are awesome, but we can't always do everything for everyone every day.




But this post is NOT about learning to say no to those around you.

This post is about learning to say yes to the most important person you need to be keeping your commitments to... YOURSELF!

How many of us have lists of things we want to do for ourselves, that get pushed to the side because we are busy keeping our commitments to everyone around us? Some of these commitments are simple, even trivial ... getting your hair cut, colored or highlighted. Exercising. Making a healthy lunch for yourself.
And that's why it's easy to justify, and dangerous.

When we run out hours in our day, the things that we cut out are almost ALWAYS our commitments to ourselves. If we always say no to the things we know are important to us, who will say yes to them?

I've noticed this happen to me this week. I'm cracking down on my diet and it's been hard to stay on track, but I have so far (the whole 3 1/2 days). BUT, my commitment to my half marathon training has gone by the wayside every one of those days this week, in order for me to keep a commitment to someone else in my life. My health, fitness and weight loss goals are important to me. I woke up today thinking... how will I reach them if I don't make MY needs a priority. 

We feel a sense of accomplishment and pride when we keep our commitments to others, why don't we feel the same accomplishment and pride when we keep them to ourselves. 

Who will say yes to your needs if not you? If you're super lucky, you have an amazing girlfriend that will rein you in and hold you accountable. So you keep your commitments to yourself ONLY in an effort not to let HER down. But it's better than nothing :) 

I'll be that girlfriend today. Pick 1 thing that you've told yourself you want to do for you this year, this month, this week. And make it a priority to keep your commitment to YOU. 

This is a habit we all need to develop!  


Share the 1 commitment you are going to keep to yourself this week! I'd love to hear them!

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Build your Stress Burning Furnace

You’re stressed out. 

I get it.

You’re overworked, overbooked and overextended. 

I get it.

You’ve heard all the nicey nice strategies for reducing your stress, and they all make you think 

“sure, if I had time to lay around in a bath for an hour or two, I wouldn’t NEED stress relief”

or “If I could get 5 minutes of silence in my house, I’d love to try yoga or meditation.”

Now, I’m not going to tell you that you still shouldn’t try to carve out some time, even 15 minutes a day for some self care. And I still staunchly recommend finding an hour or 2 at least once a month for some girl on girl time. I have a whole other article on the benefit of and need for that.

BUT I am here to offer you a solution.

Have you ever heard that the more muscle a body has, the more fat is burned all the time, even when at rest? So, here’s how that works. If a person has more muscle mass, it increases their base metabolism so that their fat burning furnace is frying up more calories all the time, even when they are sitting or sleeping. The idea is that then this person will actually lose more weight and not have to kill themselves doing cardio or other fat burning aerobic exercise as much.

Have I lost you? Hang with me here.

I’m here to tell you that we can create a stress burning furnace for you so that even if you can’t find the time or the quiet to engage in those stress reducing activities, you will burn stress all the time if you follow this simple solution.

Create a home sanctuary.

First, don’t freak out and think I’m giving you another huge project or list of things to add to your already too long to do list. This doesn’t have to be done all in one swell foop as we say in my family.

Now, there is no one “recipe” for creating your home sanctuary, because something that is soothing to one person can be completely irritating to the next, but there are some simple steps to follow.

1. De-Clutter - one of the big things that will add to your stress level is clutter. We all have it. One great tip I learned was to grab a laundry basket when it’s not laundry day and go through the house. Everything that is in a place that it doesn’t belong goes into the laundry basket. Relocate items to the room they belong in or designate a “needs a home” spot in a location you don’t have to look at every day like a laundry room or the basement.
   
2. Let go of the guilt - those items you have in your home because great aunt Mary Sue gave them to you as a gift but you’ve always hated... take them down. If you MUST hang on to them, pack them with love in a hope chest with a lovely letter about great aunt Mary Sue. If you can bear to part with them, donate them to a local charity. Maybe you can even tell great aunt Mary Sue that she inspired you to make a charitable donation. You’ll get rid of that “I hate that” feeling when you go into that room and you’ll feel great for helping out a charity.
   
3. Change your color palette - This does not mean buying new furniture or repainting all your walls. So much of the focus and feeling of a room comes from the accessories! You can start by choosing a color palette for a room and shopping in your own home. You’d be surprised to find that the wall hanging from the front hallway takes on a completely different feel when it is in the living room. Invest in 1 great accent piece and shop in your home or at the discount stores to complete the look.
   
4. Create your happy place - pick one type of sanctuary to complete for yourself. This does not necessarily mean changing the kid’s old room into your new yoga and meditation studio, but heck, if that’s what you want, more power to you! Pick something like a bathroom spa retreat or a cozy book, music or game corner. Whatever is going to fill you with the most peace or joy and pull the corner of your home together.
   
5. Engage all your senses - the more senses you can please, the more peaceful you will feel. You can add a fountain or music for sound. Create the lighting that pleases you, whether that’s side lights, shaded lamps, direct sunlight or soft candle light. Bring in fragrances that create the mood you choose. These can come from natural sources like sprigs of evergreen trees, cinnamon brooms, scented flowers, or herbs. They can also come from room sprays, fragrance warmers or scented candles. Different plants and herbs produce different beneficial results. For example, lavender is an excellent stress reliever, spearmint can help bring greater mental clarity, and anise has been known to help to relieve menstrual cramps. Bring living plants into the house that not only add beauty to the surroundings, but that also bring in healthful oxygen and purify the air.

When you’re finished, your home should make you feel joyous, supported, at peace, inspired, and free to be yourself. Our homes should be sanctuaries for our bodies, minds, and spirits. They should be restorative and far from the stress-filled world of work, deadlines, and traffic jams.

Once you have created this space, it will become your stress burning furnace. Just like that high muscle mass metabolism, even if you’re helping Suzi with her algebra, just being in your home sanctuary will slowly chip away at that day’s stress buildup.

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