Trials and Tribulations

Business ebbs and flows. As an employee, that doesn't matter so much to you, unless or until it results in job instability or loss. As an entrepreneur, it matters, as a solopreneur, it matters a lot. 

The business model I'm in is direct sales. It's an awesome business model! But the ebb and flow can be painful. Because we work one on one with our customers, the ebb can feel personal. 

We are trained, with the business comes cancellations and postponements. It's just part of the business, expect them. We are also trained that it is a numbers game, and we understand that cognitively. But, emotionally, well that's another story. 

I'll share what happens to me, it's a cycle I'm working hard to break, and sharing this with all of you is part of how I hope to break the cycle for myself and perhaps help someone else who falls into the same cycle. If no more than to let them know it's not just them.

I'll get into a state of flow. My numbers may not be multiplying, but I'll get in a grove where my actions are in flow and the results I see from those actions start to flow as well. I'll fill my calendar with appointments, feeling good about all the work I put in. 

Then, it happens. Those "to be expected" cancellations and postponements. 

Now that comfy cushy pad of appointments I had set on my calendar starts to grow sparse. Even though I've been told to expect it, even though I've experienced it before, the truth is, it hurts my feelings. I know it shouldn't. But it does. In a business where I work one on one with my customers, I feel like I've been duped, misled, let down. It's not true, it's not rational, but it's how I feel at these times.

Then it becomes a snowball. The hurt turns to frustration and sometimes even anger. Why bother to work so hard to fill my calendar with appointments, when it is all for naught in the end. I become quietly, secretly despondent. On the outside, I look the same. I do some of the same activities, mostly the busywork ones. I tell myself I'm still doing what needs to be done, but not exerting any grand effort. And then the situation simply persists. 

Then the flow will start again, slowly but it doesn't take much. The flow is the juice, it is energy, it fuels. When things are moving forward, it's easy to do the things to keep moving forward, to keep growing. 

Until the next ebb. And they can come at any time, they can come at a time of great flow. In the direct sales model, I've had it when I experience a huge surge in team growth. A great number of my super hosts decide to join my team! Woo Hoo! Just exactly what we want! Except, then all the appointments I have filled my calendar with from their circles transfer to them, leaving holes. 

So, the pat industry answer is to plan for these and over book your calendar and make sure to be expanding in multiple circles all the time. But the truth is that simply isn't always what happens. You can't or simply don't always plan for these things. 

So, where is the self-care lesson in all of this? What do you do when the ebb comes? 

I'm talking about my business, but this can be applied to loads of areas in your life that go swimmingly well for a time then fall off leaving you feeling at a loss. 

Here's my plan: 

1. Acknowledge the hurt. You're allowed to be hurt, even it it's irrational. NOT to your customers, obviously. But to yourself. You can journal about it, meditate, call your best friend to talk it out, sit and have a good cry if you need to. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to wallow. This is a short term expression of the feelings you have.
2. Remind yourself that it is not the end of the world, because it's not. You know these things happened, have happened before and will happen again. And you've seen the other side of them always. The other side is coming.  
3. Make a list of 3 great things happening at this instant in this area.
4. Come up with 1 crazy idea to try to change it right now.
5. Step away for a minute to regroup and collect yourself. This is a great time to do something wonderful for yourself as a special treat. A massage, a great cup of tea or glass of wine, a walk, an intense workout. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to give up for a prolonged period of time. Like step 1, this is a quick break to allow you to come back energized.
6. Do at least 1 ACTIVE thing every day for a week to grow and support this area. You can't count the passive or neutral tasks you do as part of your normal activities.
7. Applaud yourself each day for doing this thing, and take notice of what starts to show up.

You will find that the flow starts again. It may seem like it's magical, it may come from areas not directly related to the actions you take. But things will start to flow, just like they are supposed to. 

I'd love to hear if this is something that you struggle with too. Please share your thoughts in the comments. And, if this plan helps you, I'd really love to hear about that as well!

 

Dream a little dream

Do you remember when you were young and you used to daydream? You had no limits, no boundaries, you would think of places you wanted to go, people you wanted to meet, jobs you wanted to try, thinks you wanted to do, things you wanted to have...

You could be a race car driver, a doctor, an astronaut, a fairy princess.
You could live in Paris, or Rome or on the moon.
Your house could be a castle, or a mansion or a toadstool.

When is the last time you let yourself just daydream? No rules, no restrictions. Just dream.

I have several colleagues, mentors and friends who journal. I have a really hard time with the journaling process, but as I was thinking of trying it again
I considered the idea of daydream journaling.

Just let your mind wander and think of anything that pops up. 

Things you would love to have - a new car, a dream home, a new kitchen, a new laptop, a pet monkey.

Places you would love to visit - Paris, the zoo, Egypt.

People you would love to see - far away family or friends, real or imagined characters from books or movies.

Jobs you would love to do - be a fireman, an astronaut, the president, a ballerina.

Allowing our mind to free flow like this is a great form of self-care. Letting go of the constant thoughts of your stressors, your lists and obligations is more than just cathartic, it's soothing, it's a release.

AND ... you just don't know what silly, or wild and crazy daydream could plant the seed for your next venture, your dream home, your next career, the solution to a problem that's been vexing you.

Have learn to meditate on your "to do list"? This is a great way to do that too!

I dare you, set aside 15 minutes to just daydream. No guilt allowed!
Do you think it could reduce your stress? I do! 

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html     
 

Is that my Mom?

Growing up, we all had rules, right? You had to do the hard or unpleasant stuff to get the good stuff.

Eat your vegetables, then you can have dessert

Do your chores, then you can have your allowance

Finish your homework, then you can go out and play

As an adult, don't you still hear your mom's voice sometimes when you break the rules? When you think of having a nibble of chocolate before dinner? When you think of sitting down to catch your favorite show in the middle of your weekly cleaning? When your girlfriend calls to ask you to lunch but you have a to-do list a mile long? 

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to grow up so you could make your OWN rules? It happened! You're a grown up. You can make your own rules. You can have dessert first if you like. You can set aside your cleaning and watch your favorite show or go for a walk. You can meet your girlfriend for cocktails, coffee or lunch no matter what's on your list.

When you hear your Mom's voice in your head, gently remind her that in your house, you get to make the rules. If your Mom was anything like mine, she even told you that, remember? 

Make new rules! Treat yourself! Grab a glass of wine, or whatever your favorite beverage is and give yourself 30 minutes tonight even if you don't have all your chores done and find out how you can get refreshed and reduce your stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Indulgence

When you hear the word indulgence, you may picture some over privileged, vapid starlet like a Paris Hilton or a Snooki running amok or enjoying excessive luxuries. 

Small, sweet, simple indulgence can be a spectacular way to practice self care.
It can be a physical treat, I have discovered the most remarkable coffee called Highlander Grog that has a hint of butterscotch flavor. It feels sinful but it's just black coffee. I allow myself to sip my second cup in the morning slowly while I watch my dog romp in the yard. 

Something small but wonderful like a square of deep dark chocolate.

 


 It can be an activity, I invite you to check out this great little book: An Indulgence a Day: 365 Simple Ways to Spoil Yourself by Andrea Norville & Patrick Menton

Swing on a swing, make a snow angel

 


It can be going back to your High School days, and getting a flavored lip gloss in a color that compliments your favorite lipstick.

Indulgence can be a small gift you give yourself to make you feel good, feel special, feel loved. And THAT is self-care!

Indulge yourself! Mark your calendars, grab a cocktail and give yourself 30 minutes to earn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Playing Hooky

Did you ever play hooky in school? Maybe it was senior skip day, or maybe you snuck out before last period one day. 

It's kind of an exhilarating feeling. This feeling of hard won freedom, though in truth, you didn't work hard to earn it, you took a risk, right? And your reward is some time, an hour, an afternoon, or a day doing something you really enjoy, feeling rejuvenated and this fun sense of invigoration.

I got to thinking about this today as it relates to what I do. I help women play hooky from their to-do lists.
Very often, when I get together with a group of women, I start out by asking them what they would be doing if they weren't there, enjoying some wine, women and wax. Typically, the answers are somewhere in the range of housework, homework, yard work or errands. We all proceed to thank the fabulous lady who is hosting the gathering that evening for getting us out of all of that!

Most women I know, are overworked, overwhelmed or under appreciated (sometimes all of the above).
We run from one thing to the next, always scanning the next 5 things on our to do list. If we're not working, we're taking care of the kids, or our parents, or our significant others, or a friend or family member in crisis. If we're not actively caring for another human being, we're chauffeuring the kids to or from an event, or running errands, or volunteering, or participating in the PTA or other committee. If we're not running around, we're doing housework, laundry, or homework.

When do we get time for US? How many of you find yourself moving your personal to-dos from this week's list to next week's list? Hair or nail appointments, exercise programs or plans, lunch or coffee with your girlfriend?

So how about it? How would you like to play hooky for a couple of hours? 


What would you do?



Wanna find out how you can reduce stress and guilt at the same time? Grab my free guide: www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Dealing with Hostility

Most of the time, when I write to you about stress relief and self care, I talk about the effects of stress and the consequences of not managing it, and I talk about stress in a very general way.

Similar to last week's topic, today I write to you about a specific stress source.

Dealing with Hostility



 
You may experience this from a job with a boss or coworker, you may experience this through a family member, you may experience this through a social acquaintance. In any of these scenarios, you are unable to simply extract yourself from the hostile environment, at least in the short term. 




**Please note, when I reference a family member, I am NOT referring to any incidents of physical or mental abuse those are serious circumstances and I would recommend seeking out resources dedicated to that; my reference is more along the lines of overly negative or condescending family members or family members "lobbying against you" to other family members.

In the case of the job, perhaps you can find another job, and that is definitely a good route to pursue, of course this can negatively impact your own career path.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, we'll assume that you must endure this hostility on a regular basis. It may ebb and flow, but in general it is a constant. Again in the case of the workplace, one may recommend talking with HR or other management personnel, but anyone who has spent any time in corporate America knows this invariably ends up hurting you more in the long run.

Bullying is a hot topic today in the media. There have been numerous stories in the media and I've seen graphics and notes trending on social media as well. While I completely believe that as an adult, especially as a woman, you should absolutely stand up for yourself, I also see the negative consequences of that action in these situations.

A few important things to keep in mind if you are in this situation

Stand your ground but pick your battles - While it is important to stand up for yourself, sometimes it only escalates the hostility. When the aggressor comes at you, respond rationally - keep your emotions out of the response entirely - and respond with only pertinent facts.

Remember that you can only affect you. You can't change another person, so don't let them change you. This is a hard one, especially when you're in the "throws of battle". Sometimes you may find yourself thinking unsavory thoughts, or even saying unkind things. This may serve a momentary purpose of blowing off some steam, but in the long run, it chips away at the awesomeness that is you. Don't let them win by making you be a person you'd ever be ashamed of. I saw a great quote yesterday

If you knew for absolute certain, that every little thing you did today would later be scrutinized, literally moment by moment, by a future you, and future friends, as well as anyone else interested, and you'd all be looking for a number of qualities, especially patience, kindness, and love, during this game of games and test of tests called life, how might you treat the very next person you see after reading this Note?

I find that it is easiest for me if I can find a story to believe that changes my anger to pity for the other person. For example, a person may do or say bad things, but maybe they don't know any better or maybe they lack the ability to control their words and actions. Perhaps they are so insecure that the only way they see to improve their self image is to tear down others around them.

Believe in Karma - keep being the best you that you can be in the face of the aggressor. Show up each day undaunted and untainted. Let the aggressor build their own pyre.

Kill them with kindness - Now, you can't just spend all day lathering on the wax so you can be the duck and let it all roll off your back without it affecting you. And don't misunderstand me, I'm not necessarily advocating making friends or "making nice" with the aggressor. But be the better person, don't just act like the better person, actually be the better person.

Breathe - when you feel overwhelmed, take a break, take a walk, excuse yourself to the washroom if you need to, go get a cup of coffee or tea or wine. Find a something that is a real treat for yourself - I have a Coconut Rum flavored Green Tea that I am LOVING right now.

Detox - Make sure you maximize time spent away from the toxic environment. Try not to dwell, it's tough, but the more you can put it out of your mind, the less they "win". If it is a work environment, take your lunch away from the office. If it is a family member or social acquaintance, create a soothing drive home routine. And once you get home, spend a little time in your favorite personal space taking care of you. You won't have time to soak in the tub for an hour each night, but you can lock the bathroom door, light a candle and steam your face in the sink or apply a 5 minute masque, or sit on your back deck or in front of your fire with a glass of wine for 5 minutes.

Sometimes toxic people exist in our lives, and some of them even actively, openly and aggressivly attack us with hostitily. When we let that change us is when they win.

Be awesome in spite of them.

Fall Harvest

The cooler weather is a joyful blessing in our house. We love having the windows open and the cooler air breezing through the house.

This time of year, we see all the farmers harvesting and gathering their crops. I got to musing, it's the season where we all harvest and gather our friends and loved ones as well.

Summer is busy with vacations, and more individual activities. There are the occasional picnics or Barbeques but by and large, everyone seems to be focused on the kids summer activities, or the family vacations and not a lot on just gathering with friends and other loved ones.

As fall arrives with it's subtle color changes, and invitation to gather by the fire, we find ourselves reconnecting with our friends and loved ones. At least, I sure do. 

I enjoyed a FABULOUS dinner with my best girlfriend this week - wine and sushi! It was marvelous. And we committed to a date on the calendar for dinner just us two once a month at a minimum :D

With the kids back in school and on a more regular schedule, I've planned dinner with another girlfriend this month as well.

And don't forget... this gathering with our friends does magnitudes to reduce and help manage our stress levels. Just one more reason for 6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine.

What do you think, does the change of seasons and the cooler temps call you to gather with your friends?
I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Each day is more precious than we know

 Today is a perfect day to be happy.
Every day is a perfect day to be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 I talk often about seizing the day and finding ways to manage your stress and find your happiness each day. I do believe with all of my heart that this is my mission and my message. The road that my husband and I traveled when he was laid off and changed careers led me there.

This week I was reminded how precious and fleeting each day can be. A dear friend lost her home in a sudden fire. Thankfully, they are all safe, but they lost absolutely everything. This message is not about things, your home or your property, although I am more profoundly grateful for the home I have than ever before. I find myself far less worried about the things that aren't perfect and the projects that aren't finished.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Today is all we have. And it is our duty to find joy in the day. I am watching my friend in the wake of this enormous tragedy and she is beyond an inspiration to me. She is definitely in shock, she has definitely cried her share of tears. But with nothing but the clothes on her back, she is joyously approaching each day.
 

This is a picture of her and 2 of her children taking a break for some fun while shopping for necessities. 

A quote from her "Oh my gosh. I can't even read my facebook without crying tears of gratitude. The overwhelming support to my family has literally caused me the greatest emotions I have ever felt. The loss of our stuff has become one of the greatest blesings to our souls. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"

Ladies, we are much worse about this than the men, and the kicker is ... we also have the bonus of GUILT.
How many times in the past year have you promised to get together with your girlfriends? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?
How many times have you promised yourself that you would schedule some "you" time? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?

Time is precious. Time is fleeting. Just look at your kids to be reminded how fast it goes.
You tell yourself - oh I'll have time for that when the kids are in school, or off to college, or finally out of the house
or - we'll have time to take that vacation when we retire.

You can't put your happiness on hold. Tomorrow is guaranteed for no one.

Be thankful today.

Be happy today.

Share that happiness with everyone you see. You just don't know the impact it may have.

P.S. if you are a hot sauce lover, Steve Ozbolt from Emerald City Catering is having a "Fire Sale". Anyone who orders a 3pk of his Big Boss BBQ sauce (any flavor) will receive a complimentary bottle of Fire Sauce and all proceeds will go to the Jones family. The offer ends on Oct 1st, so don't delay. Be sure to tell them that you are ordering for the Jones fire fund on checkout.

How to relax at home

You make it home at the end of the day, physically worn out and mentally exhausted.
You have to figure out what's for dinner, prepare it and clean up afterward. And you still have an entire day's worth of activities yet to complete. 

If you're a mom, there's practice, recitals, games, homework, and more. 

If you're a wife, your husband always needs help preparing for a trip, meeting, or just getting to the office tomorrow. 

Pets need to be fed, dogs need to be walked, litter boxes, hamster/gerbil/lizard cages and fish tanks need to be cleaned. And none of this even includes the daily tasks associated with running your household. These are just the things you do to take care of everyone around you.

By the time you get ready for bed at the end of the day, you realize you haven't spent one moment thinking about yourself. That exercise routine you've been meaning to start, that will have to wait another week. Getting your nails done, or hair trimmed, maybe you can make that appointment next week.

You probably can't even remember the last time you had a glass of wine or a cup of coffee with your best girlfriend.

So what's the solution? Creating a space where you can relax after work. 

Women, especially, need a place in their home that is just for them. Whether it is a bedroom or bathroom sanctuary, or a quiet corner of a living room with a comfy chair and a book-stand. Or a beautiful backyard deck, patio, swing or hammock. 

Women need to allow themselves that special place where they can unwind and recharge. It's not a luxury, it's critical to our well being and the well being of all those we care for. Though women may keep a household running and everyone else's spaces clean and functioning, we don't always have a place of our own. If your home is small or there are many living in your household, the need for your special space is even more crucial.

We need that space where we can relax, regroup and recharge so we can face the next day, or on some days, the rest of today. Our homes are the natural venues for these special sanctuaries.

We need to be able to close our doors (and lock them if we need to) and breathe a relaxing sigh. Feeling safe and comfortable in our homes or just one special room can help us cope. A place where you can relax, meditate, exercise, create, and/or pamper yourself.  We all need that place where we can just relax and allow our bodies, minds, and spirits to flourish.

Your personal sanctuary is:

your "girl cave"
your safe space
your escape
your hideaway
your me place

Your STRESS FREE ZONE

Key elements to include when designing your personal sanctuary are Fragrance, Lighting, beauty and space.

Did you know that fragrance is the one of our five senses that is most closely linked to memories? Think about what comes to mind when you smell pumpkin pie, or bonfire smoke, or fresh baked bread or cookies

Have you ever noticed that lighting is directly linked to mood? Think about how you feel when it's sunny, cloudy, you're in bright fluorescent light, you're in soft candle light.

Beauty and space create energy. Think about your energy level when you're in a cluttered area of your home like a storage area or a closet or when you're in your favorite room or looking at your favorite landscape.

For me, at this time of year, my mind drifts to a perfect outdoor escape.

The nights are getting cooler, and it's perfect for a bonfire.

The days are pleasant and you can relax on your deck, patio, swing or hammock and read or just get lost in your thoughts.

The final element for your personal sanctuary is boundaries. 

If your family isn't great at respecting yours (and most aren't so don't feel bad about this) make a sign or a door hanger. Allow your kids to do the same for a pre-defined amount of time per day or per week so they feel empowered to claim their alone time and will be less likely to intrude on yours.

Let them know that your time will not exceed (fill in the blank with your needed time - 1 hour, 2 hours, half an hour) and that they will get your full attention when that time is up. 

If you are feeling like you may burn out, it’s not your fault, but it's been long enough!
You haven’t been shown yet how easy it can be to claim your space.
You haven't been given permission to put you first, even for 2 hours.
You know you should be taking better care of yourself, but you always find yourself taking care of someone else instead. 

If you do nothing else, grab my free report and you'll also get my BONUS Report: How to create your personal sanctuary. 

If we create a space together, and you decide when it is complete that it doesn't melt your stress, you can return anything or everything for any reason at all (even "I changed my mind") for a full refund for a full year.

Click here to schedule your Wine, Women and Wax night where

• I will help you find a way to schedule self-time; only 2-3 hours, but this alone reduces stress more than you might think. 

• I will help you re-connect with your favorite friends and family. Did you know that physically getting together as women actually creates a chemical reaction in our brains and increases our serotonin levels, which both reduces stress and increases our level of happiness. 

• I will teach you how to create this personal space in your home where you can unplug, unwind and recharge, just by adding accents, lighting and fragrance. So that when your girlfriends and a bottle of wine aren't handy, you can still take that stress number down a couple notches.