Loving the journey, no really!!!

We've seen millions of those inspirational messages with pretty pictures about how life is a journey, not a destination and we need to enjoy the journey right? 


As a travel enthusiast, I so see the truth in the idea. 

As a life enthusiast, I so find the joy in every day, and I think that was the meaning I took from that saying or idea.

As a learning enthusiast, I think I finally get it! 

As a woman entrepreneur, like you, I am on a constant path of learning, improving, building new skills. I have a pile of business books, self-help books, motivational books. I get excited about new ideas and am always trying to improve myself and my business.


In my direct sales business, one of the huge points that is repeated over and over and over again in every training and at every conference ad nauseum is this idea of a big WHY. 
"When your why is big enough, you'll find the how."
I'll be truthful, in 8 years, I've searched and searched and using all the tools and ideologies presented to me, it's never worked for me. Never. 

I'm reading a fabulous book - Networking is Dead - I highly recommend it! I took intense interest in the lesson about confusing the what with the why. "When your why is bigger than your what or your how you become an attractor of possibility."

Finishing up the end of my amazing year working with business coach Christine Gallagher, and preparing for a coaching call this week, I had one of those "big a-has" that we hear so much about.

My why isn't about me. Well, it is in it's what I want to create in the world, but it's not about the vision of the life I want to create for me. That is the result, that's the what. That's not the why. 

I friggin' GET IT!

My why isn't so I can retire from corporate America permanently and become a real, full time, honest to goodness entrepreneur - you know - safety net free. My why isn't the business and the schedule and the income that will allow me to spend the time with my husband I want and travel when and where we want.

I want to work with more women entrepreneurs, in BOTH of my businesses. More importantly, the reason I want that is because I want to serve them. I don’t just want to sell product for the sake of the almighty dollar. I want to help women entrepreneurs to find a way to take the kind of care of themselves that they need and that they know they need. I want to make it not only possible, but even easy for them to make that oh so important time to connect with those most important women in their life. I want to influence a team of leaders to make the same kind of impact, each in their own way. I want to create a community, a family of great women.

And I am SO blessed that I see a bigger vision of the IMPACT I can have on women entrepreneurs than I ever saw before. 

Because of the journey. WOW am I loving it!

So ladies, stay tuned. I am here to serve you. 



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Have you considered that proper self-care is actually a business resource and tool that you should be tending right up there with personal and professional improvement? Let's connect. I would love to help you claim that sacred connection time with those women in your life you've been promising to connect with, and create with you a personal sanctuary so you can make that self-care time at the snap of your fingers.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Click on that commenty box below and share your why or your what or if you just get what I'm saying.  

Cleaning your closet

Does anyone else follow the same closet cleaning model I do? In order to clean your closet, first you have to take everything OUT.

Before you begin the cleaning, first you have to make the mess a LOT bigger.

Sometimes we have to do this in our lives. I recently had a minor epiphany, I'm launching a new endeavor and it is going really, really well. As I discussed some of the "self-talk" changes I've noticed recently with my husband, I realized that the "self-talk" being replaced was something I hadn't admitted to myself even existed.

Some time ago, I was in a situation where some colleagues unleashed a campaign of negativity and bad press that would have made "The Heathers" proud. Of course, I had convinced myself that I was over it, I was bigger than it and it was all behind me. What I realized most recently, was that when I experience a setback in my business, those are exactly the voices in the quiet recesses of my subconscious that make me question myself. 

We never really listen to those voices consciously, so I managed to ignore them all this time, while they were worming their way deeper and deeper into my self conscious mind.

Going through the process of admitting to myself that these nasty old negative voices were there and were affecting my mindset and my actions has been extremely cathartic and refreshing. 

But now I realize, that before I'm truly through with these particular demons, before I can really say that they have no power over me, I need to fully 
expose them. 

Like cleaning out my closet. 

Do you need to do some closet cleaning in your life?

It is a powerful, rewarding and extremely effective form of self-care. If we're brave enough to do it.

And don't we all love a well organized and well stocked closet?

 

 

Trials and Tribulations

Business ebbs and flows. As an employee, that doesn't matter so much to you, unless or until it results in job instability or loss. As an entrepreneur, it matters, as a solopreneur, it matters a lot. 

The business model I'm in is direct sales. It's an awesome business model! But the ebb and flow can be painful. Because we work one on one with our customers, the ebb can feel personal. 

We are trained, with the business comes cancellations and postponements. It's just part of the business, expect them. We are also trained that it is a numbers game, and we understand that cognitively. But, emotionally, well that's another story. 

I'll share what happens to me, it's a cycle I'm working hard to break, and sharing this with all of you is part of how I hope to break the cycle for myself and perhaps help someone else who falls into the same cycle. If no more than to let them know it's not just them.

I'll get into a state of flow. My numbers may not be multiplying, but I'll get in a grove where my actions are in flow and the results I see from those actions start to flow as well. I'll fill my calendar with appointments, feeling good about all the work I put in. 

Then, it happens. Those "to be expected" cancellations and postponements. 

Now that comfy cushy pad of appointments I had set on my calendar starts to grow sparse. Even though I've been told to expect it, even though I've experienced it before, the truth is, it hurts my feelings. I know it shouldn't. But it does. In a business where I work one on one with my customers, I feel like I've been duped, misled, let down. It's not true, it's not rational, but it's how I feel at these times.

Then it becomes a snowball. The hurt turns to frustration and sometimes even anger. Why bother to work so hard to fill my calendar with appointments, when it is all for naught in the end. I become quietly, secretly despondent. On the outside, I look the same. I do some of the same activities, mostly the busywork ones. I tell myself I'm still doing what needs to be done, but not exerting any grand effort. And then the situation simply persists. 

Then the flow will start again, slowly but it doesn't take much. The flow is the juice, it is energy, it fuels. When things are moving forward, it's easy to do the things to keep moving forward, to keep growing. 

Until the next ebb. And they can come at any time, they can come at a time of great flow. In the direct sales model, I've had it when I experience a huge surge in team growth. A great number of my super hosts decide to join my team! Woo Hoo! Just exactly what we want! Except, then all the appointments I have filled my calendar with from their circles transfer to them, leaving holes. 

So, the pat industry answer is to plan for these and over book your calendar and make sure to be expanding in multiple circles all the time. But the truth is that simply isn't always what happens. You can't or simply don't always plan for these things. 

So, where is the self-care lesson in all of this? What do you do when the ebb comes? 

I'm talking about my business, but this can be applied to loads of areas in your life that go swimmingly well for a time then fall off leaving you feeling at a loss. 

Here's my plan: 

1. Acknowledge the hurt. You're allowed to be hurt, even it it's irrational. NOT to your customers, obviously. But to yourself. You can journal about it, meditate, call your best friend to talk it out, sit and have a good cry if you need to. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to wallow. This is a short term expression of the feelings you have.
2. Remind yourself that it is not the end of the world, because it's not. You know these things happened, have happened before and will happen again. And you've seen the other side of them always. The other side is coming.  
3. Make a list of 3 great things happening at this instant in this area.
4. Come up with 1 crazy idea to try to change it right now.
5. Step away for a minute to regroup and collect yourself. This is a great time to do something wonderful for yourself as a special treat. A massage, a great cup of tea or glass of wine, a walk, an intense workout. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to give up for a prolonged period of time. Like step 1, this is a quick break to allow you to come back energized.
6. Do at least 1 ACTIVE thing every day for a week to grow and support this area. You can't count the passive or neutral tasks you do as part of your normal activities.
7. Applaud yourself each day for doing this thing, and take notice of what starts to show up.

You will find that the flow starts again. It may seem like it's magical, it may come from areas not directly related to the actions you take. But things will start to flow, just like they are supposed to. 

I'd love to hear if this is something that you struggle with too. Please share your thoughts in the comments. And, if this plan helps you, I'd really love to hear about that as well!

 

Says who? Says YOU!

Ever have one of those days where you just want to scream? 
Or a day or two where you are in a funk and can't seem to shake it?

Do you feel like that feeling is out of your control?

It isn't, or at least, it doesn't have to be.

Life is full and things are fluid all the time. Things are always going to be coming at you, there will often be more than you can handle. 

You will have not enough business, or too much. 
The kids will have a million activities, or they will be bored and driving you crazy.
The house will be in need of fixing, or in need of remodeling or in need of redecorating, or you will be ready to sell it.

There will always be stuff. It won't all be rosy. But the really cool thing is you are in complete control of your perspective and your reaction.

As kids, when we wanted to stay up late, or eat popcorn, or go outside, we always had to ask our parents. And, when we got an answer we didn't like, they would tell us that when we grew up, we could make our own rules and we could decide when to stay up late, or eat popcorn. 

But we don't do we? We still let everything around us be the "boss of us".

My tip for today, your mission, should you choose to accept it is to take one of those tear sheets for yourself. Be the boss of you. Choose to stay up late, or go to bed early. Take a nap, go for a walk, eat ice cream before dinner. 

Pick a thing that makes you feel great, and do that thing just for you and nobody else.

I'd love to hear what your thing is... share in the comments below.

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html    
 
 
 

Dream a little dream

Do you remember when you were young and you used to daydream? You had no limits, no boundaries, you would think of places you wanted to go, people you wanted to meet, jobs you wanted to try, thinks you wanted to do, things you wanted to have...

You could be a race car driver, a doctor, an astronaut, a fairy princess.
You could live in Paris, or Rome or on the moon.
Your house could be a castle, or a mansion or a toadstool.

When is the last time you let yourself just daydream? No rules, no restrictions. Just dream.

I have several colleagues, mentors and friends who journal. I have a really hard time with the journaling process, but as I was thinking of trying it again
I considered the idea of daydream journaling.

Just let your mind wander and think of anything that pops up. 

Things you would love to have - a new car, a dream home, a new kitchen, a new laptop, a pet monkey.

Places you would love to visit - Paris, the zoo, Egypt.

People you would love to see - far away family or friends, real or imagined characters from books or movies.

Jobs you would love to do - be a fireman, an astronaut, the president, a ballerina.

Allowing our mind to free flow like this is a great form of self-care. Letting go of the constant thoughts of your stressors, your lists and obligations is more than just cathartic, it's soothing, it's a release.

AND ... you just don't know what silly, or wild and crazy daydream could plant the seed for your next venture, your dream home, your next career, the solution to a problem that's been vexing you.

Have learn to meditate on your "to do list"? This is a great way to do that too!

I dare you, set aside 15 minutes to just daydream. No guilt allowed!
Do you think it could reduce your stress? I do! 

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html     
 

Women wear a lot of hats

How true is that? 

• What woman you know doesn't do at least 3 jobs?
• Who makes it look effortless most of the time?
• Who doesn't get thanked enough?
• Who slowly and quietly gets more overwhelmed each day?
• Who seldom complains about the load she bears?

And of all the hats we wear, we are nearly always supporting, doing or caring for someone else. 
 
So, when do you decide it's time to take care of you? And if you ever make this difficult and guilt inspiring decision, who is it that does take care of you?

Run down the list of hats you wear in a typical day, or week, or month, and consider how those who are paid as professionals in each field demand to be treated and served. 

Chefs have dishwashers, most professions have secretaries, or assistants, some professions have entire staff to tend to things that are outside their expertise.

And you, a busy professional woman, do all of these, only get paid for one maybe two of them and insist that your needs can wait.

and wait...

and wait...

and wait...

But what happens when they can't wait any longer? What happens when you finally hit that tipping point? What happens when you burn out mentally, emotionally or physically?

People in your life will step up and pitch in and they will care for you. And then you'll feel even more guilty.

So what if you decided that taking care of you, self-care, that thing that you know you're supposed to do, but just never manage to get around to, was important. What if you decided that it was a priority? 

What if you could come up with a way to do that on a regular basis and not feel guilty? 

Impossible?

Maybe not.

There are a thousand little things you can do in a day to lower your stress level and take a little bit of self-care without neglecting your loved ones, your business or your ever growing to-do list. 

Here are a few to inspire you to do a little self-care today...

• Give yourself a mini facial - grab one of those sets of beauty products you bought but never took the time to use and do all the steps. Enjoy the glow and great feeling skin.
• Listen to your favorite song. Turn the volume up loud. Before you pick up the kids, sing all the lyrics at the top of your lungs and chair dance if you want to.
• Call your best girlfriend and share a funny memory.
• Do a random act of kindness for someone who can not return the favor, but a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line, pay a parking meter, give a McDonalds or Subway gift card to a homeless person.
• Send yourself a note or card - in the mail. 
• Watch your favorite movie.

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html        

Resolve to Regress this year

As the calendar year turns to begin anew, I, like most people, consider my plans for the year. Goals, commitments, vacations, plans...

One of the first things on my list is to plan for races I intend to complete in the coming year. Having finished 2 Warrior Dashes, and now my first Super Spartan, I am completely obsessed with obstacle races. 

Like many, I have significant goals to lose weight and improve my fitness in the coming year, to add emphasis to this, my company's annual incentive trip this year is to Hawaii for 6 days and 5 nights. As my husband and myself are extremely excited to earn and attend this year's trip, I am planning my training with added vigor. 

So, I started reading the Spartan Race eBook - all things training and mindset related to prepare you for a Spartan Race. A line jumped out at me and caught my attention

"When we were young, we loved to climb, run, jump and swing. We loved to play. It's part of who we are, yet it's often absent from our adult lives."

As kids, we loved to feel the wind in our hair, the sun on our face and the grass (or dirt or sand) under our feet. As we have moved through this thing called life, we work more and play less. So much less, in fact, that we lose the desire to play.

This year, as you make your list of hopes and dreams, your goals and resolutions, I propose that you resolve to regress. 

Go back. Go back to your youth and grab that vitality you had, grab the desire to go out and play. Run. Jump. Swing. Dance. Spin. Climb. Soar. 

Imagine how much younger you could feel as 2014 comes around. How's that for self care?

Have you grabbed your free guide yet? What are you waiting for? 
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Stop and smell the Christmas Spirit

I look at my schedule for December filled with gatherings and get togethers, fun and festivities, and I think to myself, "This is my favorite holiday!" 


In Chicago, we have been having some seriously crazy weather, and we're enjoying it, but it's a little weird. On Sunday, leaving a party, I said to my hostess - Christmas music and air conditioning, it just doesn't seem right!

As I look forward to this month of caring and sharing, rejoicing and reconnecting, I am reminded of some advice I got when I was planning my wedding many years ago. 

Pay attention and enjoy the planning. The day comes and goes so fast it's like a blur. Relish every moment of the preparation.

I was thankful I followed that advice as we took a full year to plan our wedding, and true to the predictions, the day was so fast. I captured moments and committed them to memory. Thank goodness for wonderful friends with cameras that captured great moments as well.

I find we do much the same in preparation for the holidays. We make plans for a big party, or our family gathering. There's the shopping and the decorating and the wrapping and the baking. All in a rush looking at the deadline on the clock. Then December 26th arrives and the presents are gone and many start taking down the decorations and the melancholy creeps in. 

As you are making your lists and checking them twice this holiday season, take some time to stop and embrace the magic. Go ice skating, walk down your favorite city street and look at the lights, enjoy a mug of cocoa, mulled cider or egg nog. 

You'll be happy you did! 

Share what magic you plan to take a moment to enjoy this year!  

Hey! I'm going to be on the radio! LIVE on Wednesday, December 12th @ 7:00 PM CST at www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
You can listen live, via replay, see the schedule and download the Smartphone app at: www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
 
Get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
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Altruism, giving, self care?

If you've been reading for some time, you may find yourself surprised by today's post. I often write about how we as women are drained and stressed out and overwhelmed by constantly taking care of all those around us. So, it may seem strange that today I am going to recommend volunteering your time to give care to those less fortunate.

But hear me out. I don't know if this is as true for all of you as it is for me, but I have a running list of things I want to do because I simply want to do them, it can be because I have an interest, because I think they will make me feel good, because I want to learn about them, or because I think they are just plain cool. 

Things like...

• Martial Arts
• Competitive Agility trials with my dog
• Kayaking or canoeing
• Making my own wine

Some things on my list I've recently actually done...

• Making my own home brewed beer
• Completing a triathlon
• Completing the Chicago Marathon

These lists go on and on. I'm sure you catch my drift. One of the things that is regularly on my list is volunteering more. But I never find the time to look into the organizations, or the time commitment does not fit my schedule, or the location or whatever. 

I'm sure many of us have heard that there is no such thing as true altruism as whenever you give to another, you get back something in return, even if it just the feeling of warmth or accomplishment or joy at seeing another's burden's lessened or heart lifted.

At this time of year, with the holidays in the air, there is no shortage of opportunities to volunteer, and organizations are openly and actively looking for assistance. Toy drives, coat drives, food drives, soup kitchens, veterans assistance, pack and send supplies or gifts to the troops currently deployed, if you live near a base, there are programs where you can invite a soldier to your home for a holiday meal, you can even visit an elder care facility and simply spend time visiting with some of the residents who don't have family that visit very often.

The different ways you can give back are limitless and the effort to find them now is minimal. You can even include the whole family and share this experience of giving and receiving with your children.

You'll find, that you get to check something off of that list of yours that you never get to AND you'll find yourself feeling warm, wonderful, and filled with joy and love.

And isn't that the whole point of self care after all?

Is that my Mom?

Growing up, we all had rules, right? You had to do the hard or unpleasant stuff to get the good stuff.

Eat your vegetables, then you can have dessert

Do your chores, then you can have your allowance

Finish your homework, then you can go out and play

As an adult, don't you still hear your mom's voice sometimes when you break the rules? When you think of having a nibble of chocolate before dinner? When you think of sitting down to catch your favorite show in the middle of your weekly cleaning? When your girlfriend calls to ask you to lunch but you have a to-do list a mile long? 

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to grow up so you could make your OWN rules? It happened! You're a grown up. You can make your own rules. You can have dessert first if you like. You can set aside your cleaning and watch your favorite show or go for a walk. You can meet your girlfriend for cocktails, coffee or lunch no matter what's on your list.

When you hear your Mom's voice in your head, gently remind her that in your house, you get to make the rules. If your Mom was anything like mine, she even told you that, remember? 

Make new rules! Treat yourself! Grab a glass of wine, or whatever your favorite beverage is and give yourself 30 minutes tonight even if you don't have all your chores done and find out how you can get refreshed and reduce your stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Indulgence

When you hear the word indulgence, you may picture some over privileged, vapid starlet like a Paris Hilton or a Snooki running amok or enjoying excessive luxuries. 

Small, sweet, simple indulgence can be a spectacular way to practice self care.
It can be a physical treat, I have discovered the most remarkable coffee called Highlander Grog that has a hint of butterscotch flavor. It feels sinful but it's just black coffee. I allow myself to sip my second cup in the morning slowly while I watch my dog romp in the yard. 

Something small but wonderful like a square of deep dark chocolate.

 


 It can be an activity, I invite you to check out this great little book: An Indulgence a Day: 365 Simple Ways to Spoil Yourself by Andrea Norville & Patrick Menton

Swing on a swing, make a snow angel

 


It can be going back to your High School days, and getting a flavored lip gloss in a color that compliments your favorite lipstick.

Indulgence can be a small gift you give yourself to make you feel good, feel special, feel loved. And THAT is self-care!

Indulge yourself! Mark your calendars, grab a cocktail and give yourself 30 minutes to earn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Some days are not OK

As you go through the course of your day, you are bound to encounter stress, frustration, sometimes anger, even sadness or downright despair.

You could be in a situation like I wrote about last week where you are experiencing a hostile environment either personally or professionally. You could be in a stressful job. You could just be a normal person going through a normal day where things just don't always go as planned.

And, those that know me well may be surprised to hear me say - yep, that's going to happen. Despite all the tips and tidbits I share, even if you follow the best self-care rituals on the planet, these things are going to happen. Anyone remember this scene from Forget Paris?

As I go through my day, I pass people, or connect with them over the phone, and invariably the "how are you?" question comes up. It's pretty unusual for me to respond with anything but one of my characteristic superlative replies - it seems "Fabulous" is the most common. - Right Brian Kucharski? Very often, the next thing I hear is "you're always great" or "you're always fabulous".

You know what, I am most of the time. Not always. That would be impossible unless I was really, clinically insane. (I'll never deny being a little crazy - maybe more than a little. haha) But we all have those moments, and  you know what? 

It's totally OK.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Sometimes you’ll get down, really down. Sometimes you’ll get hurt, crushed. Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed. What you resist, persists. So don’t resist. The sooner you get it all out the sooner you can move on. Now, that does NOT mean wallow, but deal with it. Finding your happiness is not about suppressing emotions, or neglecting to deal with them. It's about working through or seeing past them. And some are most assuredly more difficult than others.

One thing I do find very helpful is placing happiness triggers. 

See this little smiley face koosh dude? 

I've had him on my cube wall at my day j.o.b. for a while but recently decided to move him where he is in my sight line. He definitely brings a smile when I glance down and see him cheerfully smiling at me.

Photos, I have some photos of our trip to Barcelona, Spain above my computer monitor.

Sound, pick a great short sound byte or ring tone and set an alarm on your phone. You'll be energized by the great sound, and you can even use that as a reminder to take a breath or maybe take a break and a walk around.



Scent. Fragrance is our sense tied most closely to memory. Tuck a handkerchief in your purse sprayed with your husband's cologne. Or your baby's shampoo.

Energy boosters. Make a list of small, five to 10 minute acts that make you feel better. This is hard for many women, so don’t be afraid to start small.

Above and beyond the Happiness triggers, do one thing for yourself every day. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but it has to be JUST for you. It may be giving yourself a pedicure or giving yourself permission to say “no”. It may be flowers on your desk. Give yourself permission for indulgence. Every day.

Love your imperfections. They are a key ingredient that goes into making you you. Laugh at yourself.
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