Love is...

Valentine's Day ...

The day of the year, I feel sorry for all the men in the world. My husband and I don't "believe in" or "practice" Valentine's Day. He tells me he loves me all the time and I tell him I love him all the time. We do nice things for one another regularly, because that's what you do. At least that's what we think.

I generally eschew the day feeling that it is a day where many men are left to unrealistic expectations and despite their best intentions, they can end up accused of doing it wrong. 

However, this morning, a wonderful friend of mine, a friend who tragically and unexpectedly lost her husband last year, posted a short article and I found something I can support as a Valentine's Day ideal. 

...channel the true power of this very important day. It's the day of love, and there's nothing more important all year. So, use it to give love, show gratitude and appreciation to all those people who've touched your life this year -- whether it's giving them a gift, a hug or a simple call. Bring flowers to your perpetually single best friend, call your grandparent you've been meaning to talk to, make some homemade soup or cookies for that person who did you that big favor this year. Honestly, it will make you feel incredible! And that's really what the day is about: spreading love, being of service, expressing your positive emotions and feeling good...

I spent the weekend in Arizona visiting my parents. It was nice to see them, catch up, meet their new friends, and... oh yeah ... get spoiled rotten. Tragically, the day after I returned home, I got news that a friend of my mom's who I've known as long as I can remember, suddenly and tragically passed away. I don't know how or what happened, I know she was invited to lunch with us during my visit and had other plans. You just never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't wait until a special occasion to tell people what they mean to you. 

I write often about self-care and indirectly self-love. Today, I embrace the idea shared in that article. Make Valentine's Day a day of love. Not just for that person you share every morning and evening with - for that person deserves to hear and receive demonstration of your feelings every week, if not every day. For sharing love with some who perhaps don't have a special someone, or who are alone or far away. My girlfriend is celebrating this day of love by loving on her kids, and sending some flowers to a local hospice home in her late husband's name. It's late for this year, but how about making some Valentine's for the troops? Not about "being mine" or "kiss me" but about "you are appreciated".

And here's the super secret surprise... it is a GREAT form of self-care after all. You'll be amazed how wonderful you feel when you spread general love and positive emotions. 

and by the way, don't let it end with this one day ... you can do this any old day of the year you choose. Feeling down? Make some Valentine's Day card and take them to a retirement home. Send flowers to a local hospice home, or your receptionist. You'll feel amazing!!!

Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html     

 

Let go of the guilt and GLOW

I love what I do. I mean, I really love what I do.

This week, I had a phenomenal experience at one of my parties. My spectacular chiropractor and hostess set up the night with whimsy, she told all the ladies they were coming to a night of Wine Women & Wax. A couple of them thought we were having a night with wine and hair removal. We had wine, and snacks and pizza. The ladies connected and visited and rejoiced that we were in a room filled with peace and candlelight on a cold, snowy and blustery January night in Chicagoland. 

I began the night like I almost always do, sharing that I believe they did not come out to listen to me talk, but to talk to one another. I shared all the great specials they can take advantage of so they can get the best deal on their shopping, a quick and fun pass the gift game, and a couple quick tidbits.

• Consider creating a space just for you in your home where you can regroup, unwind and recharge at the end of the day.
• When women get together they physically produce more of a chemical oxytocin which reduces stress.
• They are all getting important anti-oxidants by sharing that glass of wine.

As the evening wound down, I received the most wonderful compliments that the ladies were so impressed with my "presentation" and that they really enjoyed connecting with one another, and had never been to another "home party" that gave them that opportunity. And I noted that another amazing thing that happens when women get together, is that we build each other up. We support one another, we comfort one another, we encourage one another, we exchange advice, we commiserate by sharing similar experiences and the compliments flow. 

How often do you get compliments every day?

Ladies, we spend so much of our lives caring for all those around us. You know you do. And you know you should be taking care of yourself better, you know that "self care stuff" is something you should be doing, but because it's for you, you never get to it. And why is it that this falls off of your list every week? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

Add to this, every time you chat with your girlfriend - sometimes via text or facebook message - you promise that you have to get together sometime soon, it's been too long. We can't let it go this long again. And the exact same thing happens. You never get to it. And why? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

But this time, the guilt is a double whammy - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because you feel guilty to "do for yourself" by making the time to spend with your girlfriend or you feel guilty for not keeping your promise to your girlfriend.

How can you win?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You need to take your self-care seriously. I have been thrilled to watch the "extreme self care" practice of Kelly O'Neil as she prepared for her amazing women's leadership conference. 

Take a stand for yourself. If your doctor said you had to make an appointment, you would. This is critical to your mental and physical well being. Say no to the guilt. Make a date with your favorite girls. Luxuriate in one another's company. Notice the glow each and every one of you has after spending time together.       

   
Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 
  

Women wear a lot of hats

How true is that? 

• What woman you know doesn't do at least 3 jobs?
• Who makes it look effortless most of the time?
• Who doesn't get thanked enough?
• Who slowly and quietly gets more overwhelmed each day?
• Who seldom complains about the load she bears?

And of all the hats we wear, we are nearly always supporting, doing or caring for someone else. 
 
So, when do you decide it's time to take care of you? And if you ever make this difficult and guilt inspiring decision, who is it that does take care of you?

Run down the list of hats you wear in a typical day, or week, or month, and consider how those who are paid as professionals in each field demand to be treated and served. 

Chefs have dishwashers, most professions have secretaries, or assistants, some professions have entire staff to tend to things that are outside their expertise.

And you, a busy professional woman, do all of these, only get paid for one maybe two of them and insist that your needs can wait.

and wait...

and wait...

and wait...

But what happens when they can't wait any longer? What happens when you finally hit that tipping point? What happens when you burn out mentally, emotionally or physically?

People in your life will step up and pitch in and they will care for you. And then you'll feel even more guilty.

So what if you decided that taking care of you, self-care, that thing that you know you're supposed to do, but just never manage to get around to, was important. What if you decided that it was a priority? 

What if you could come up with a way to do that on a regular basis and not feel guilty? 

Impossible?

Maybe not.

There are a thousand little things you can do in a day to lower your stress level and take a little bit of self-care without neglecting your loved ones, your business or your ever growing to-do list. 

Here are a few to inspire you to do a little self-care today...

• Give yourself a mini facial - grab one of those sets of beauty products you bought but never took the time to use and do all the steps. Enjoy the glow and great feeling skin.
• Listen to your favorite song. Turn the volume up loud. Before you pick up the kids, sing all the lyrics at the top of your lungs and chair dance if you want to.
• Call your best girlfriend and share a funny memory.
• Do a random act of kindness for someone who can not return the favor, but a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line, pay a parking meter, give a McDonalds or Subway gift card to a homeless person.
• Send yourself a note or card - in the mail. 
• Watch your favorite movie.

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html        

Staying Connected - A Wake Up Call

Like many people, one of our holiday traditions is sending out a Christmas card. Also like many people, invariably we end up sending it out pretty late. I think maybe some years we've even sent them after Christmas Day. 
That wasn't the case this year, however this past week, we received several via return mail. Perhaps 6.

I found that this made me fairly upset. With myself. I felt like "what a horrible friend am I that I didn't even know Tom and his wife moved". Certainly, I could choose to think instead, "well, it's not like they sent out a change of address card or anything", but I didn't. And I don't. 

A few months back, a friend wrote a spectacular post about why she was leaving Facebook and deleting her account. She spoke eloquently about how she wanted to keep in touch with people who actually cared about the things going on in her life, and not superficially stay connected via non specific status updates and posts. She posts regularly on Google+ and in the time since she left Facebook, indeed we have found so many fun facts we never learned about one another in 2+ years of being "connected" on Facebook.

Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of leaving Facebook, and I do find fun and enjoyable interactions there daily. I do keep in touch with some of my friends, especially long distance ones in a way that I couldn't easily otherwise. 

But I have been reminded, at the volume of 11 (I'm entertained by the Spinal Tap reference and hope some of you get it), that we need to be actually connected with our friends and loved ones. We need to stay engaged and learn about the things going on in their lives. Even if you may feel that nothing has changed in your life recently, if you feel that the answer to the "So what's new with you?" question is "same old same old", ask your friends. 

And most importantly ... listen to the answer.

My husband and I, over the holiday season, engaged in 2 separate very embarrassing conversations, and nearly a 3rd, where we asked a question that led to a horribly uncomfortable conversation that started with the other person saying "Oh, I guess you hadn't heard...".

My goal for 2013 and beyond is to avoid those awkward conversations by caring about the goings on in my friend's and families lives, by asking "Hey, how's it going?" regularly, and by making every effort to actually get together face to face or over the phone or video conference to connect real time.

What do you think? Would your happiness level increase through these conversations? Would that of your friends and loved ones? I believe so!

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please share in the comment below. 

   

Playing Hooky

Did you ever play hooky in school? Maybe it was senior skip day, or maybe you snuck out before last period one day. 

It's kind of an exhilarating feeling. This feeling of hard won freedom, though in truth, you didn't work hard to earn it, you took a risk, right? And your reward is some time, an hour, an afternoon, or a day doing something you really enjoy, feeling rejuvenated and this fun sense of invigoration.

I got to thinking about this today as it relates to what I do. I help women play hooky from their to-do lists.
Very often, when I get together with a group of women, I start out by asking them what they would be doing if they weren't there, enjoying some wine, women and wax. Typically, the answers are somewhere in the range of housework, homework, yard work or errands. We all proceed to thank the fabulous lady who is hosting the gathering that evening for getting us out of all of that!

Most women I know, are overworked, overwhelmed or under appreciated (sometimes all of the above).
We run from one thing to the next, always scanning the next 5 things on our to do list. If we're not working, we're taking care of the kids, or our parents, or our significant others, or a friend or family member in crisis. If we're not actively caring for another human being, we're chauffeuring the kids to or from an event, or running errands, or volunteering, or participating in the PTA or other committee. If we're not running around, we're doing housework, laundry, or homework.

When do we get time for US? How many of you find yourself moving your personal to-dos from this week's list to next week's list? Hair or nail appointments, exercise programs or plans, lunch or coffee with your girlfriend?

So how about it? How would you like to play hooky for a couple of hours? 


What would you do?



Wanna find out how you can reduce stress and guilt at the same time? Grab my free guide: www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

How YOU Doin?

Few people I know don't hear the voice of Matt LeBlanc as the character Joey Tribbiani from Friends when they see that phrase or hear those words. 

And I think it typically brings a smile - at least to most.
I saw Matt LeBlanc on my favorite chat show and he told a story that his daughter antagonizes him by intentionally saying it wrong "How are YOU doing?" He says through clenched teeth "And I KNOW she knows how to say it right!"


When asked this question today, how would you respond? Do you actually share how you are? Do you just reply "good" or "well" automatically?

Equally as important a question. When you ask someone else that question today, do you truly listen to the response?
Do you even ask the question in response after being asked how you are? 

My husband went to college with a guy who exemplified this lack of connection. His standard greeting was "Hey, How's it going." and NO MATTER what the person said in response, he'd reply "Cool."

You may expect me to share a tip on how to take your good to great today or something similar, but I have a completely different type of challenge for you.

First, a tidbit.

Nearly every single day, I'm greeted by a stranger who asks me how I'm doing. 

It may be a cashier, a waiter, a doctor's assistant, someone at a networking event, doesn't matter. 

Nearly every day, I watch their face change when they hear my response. I see their mood change, and I see a noticeable pause in whatever task they were performing. 

I'd say at least 75% of the time their reply is something OTHER than "good" or "OK" in response. My response causes them to change theirs, even if they don't match my level of enthusiasm, which they often comment about. 

"Well, I'm darned good, I don't know if I can be fabulous, but I'm having a darned good day!"

Now, I am fairly bubbly, and I greet them with a beaming smile, but I think there are 2 things that cause them to pause and also result in their response being something OTHER than "good" or "well".

1. The word I choose is different, a word not often used in current conversation.
   
2. The word I choose is typically superlative (Super! Fabulous! Spectacular! Fantastic!)

Also, about 60% of the time, they genuinely thank me for asking how they are doing, and caring I suppose.

Now, I'm not asking you to do the 2nd thing, especially if it's not genuine, because that is just plain annoying and no one is fooled!

So, here is my challenge to you today. Whatever your mood, even if it's sour - now DON'T be the person that spills their every ache and pain and trouble to anyone who makes the mistake of asking how you are - take the half second pause it will require and think of a unique word or phrase to use.

Some ideas to get you started:

If you're having a horrible day you could say:

• Introspective
• A little dull
• A bit curious
• A little scattered

If you're "just OK" you could say:

• Mysterious
• Pleasant
• Just Chillin'

If you are "good" you could say:

• Crazy
• Amused
• Delightful
• Jolly - especially if it's NOT Christmas
• Excited

If you want to kick it up a notch and be superlative you could say:

• Magnificent
• Outstanding
• On Fire
• Glorious
• Splendid
• High on Life
• A party waiting to happen

Give it a try. It's almost as fun as the smile game! See who you can pause with your reply today! You just might make their day!

Share in the comments today --- so, How YOU doin?

Friends make ALL the difference

Just got home from PartyLite's National sales conference in St. Louis, MO. What an amazing experience!

It's always great training, it's always inspirational, it's always motivational, it often is a catalyst for a bigger vision for my business for the future (near or far), it's always heart touching, it's always a phenomenal source of joy, fun and entertainment on SO many levels, and seeing and connecting with amazing achievers is always a great source of energy renewal. 

But this year, I had the additional joy of sharing the whole experience with my best girlfriend. The depth it increased the experience is tough to quantify.

I don't know about you, but for me, connections with friends make all the difference.

As we take this journey we call life, I see so many around me disconnecting and losing touch. We get embroiled in our own minutia and don't take time to connect with good friends.

How many times have you heard, or <gasp> said "We have to get together. We've been so busy with ..."
And no matter the season, it's always the reason you're too busy to grant your own heart's wish.
We've been so busy this summer, you know how it is with the kids out of school.
We've been so busy this school year, you know how it is with the kids school activities.
We've been so busy this holiday season, you know how it is with family in from out of town.

and on ... and on ... and on it goes.

It's time to realize you're always going to be busy. New job, old job, kids in school, kids out of school, summer, fall, winter, spring. 

We manage to make time for the things that we decide are important. And we weirdly find time for the most ridiculous things. Can't meet your girlfriend for dinner because Dancing with the Stars is on Thursday nights? That's what DVR's are for!

We ONLY get today. It's the only day there is. There are no guarantees, and there are certainly no do-overs.

Take the effort to find a way to connect with those friends. They really do double our joys and divide our sorrows.

When's the last time YOU had a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with your best girlfriend?

P.S. If it's been a while, and you're looking for an excuse, grab your girlfriend and pop on over for some wine, snacks and retail therapy at the New Product Launch this weekend. Sunday or Monday.