Says who? Says YOU!

Ever have one of those days where you just want to scream? 
Or a day or two where you are in a funk and can't seem to shake it?

Do you feel like that feeling is out of your control?

It isn't, or at least, it doesn't have to be.

Life is full and things are fluid all the time. Things are always going to be coming at you, there will often be more than you can handle. 

You will have not enough business, or too much. 
The kids will have a million activities, or they will be bored and driving you crazy.
The house will be in need of fixing, or in need of remodeling or in need of redecorating, or you will be ready to sell it.

There will always be stuff. It won't all be rosy. But the really cool thing is you are in complete control of your perspective and your reaction.

As kids, when we wanted to stay up late, or eat popcorn, or go outside, we always had to ask our parents. And, when we got an answer we didn't like, they would tell us that when we grew up, we could make our own rules and we could decide when to stay up late, or eat popcorn. 

But we don't do we? We still let everything around us be the "boss of us".

My tip for today, your mission, should you choose to accept it is to take one of those tear sheets for yourself. Be the boss of you. Choose to stay up late, or go to bed early. Take a nap, go for a walk, eat ice cream before dinner. 

Pick a thing that makes you feel great, and do that thing just for you and nobody else.

I'd love to hear what your thing is... share in the comments below.

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html    
 
 
 

Women wear a lot of hats

How true is that? 

• What woman you know doesn't do at least 3 jobs?
• Who makes it look effortless most of the time?
• Who doesn't get thanked enough?
• Who slowly and quietly gets more overwhelmed each day?
• Who seldom complains about the load she bears?

And of all the hats we wear, we are nearly always supporting, doing or caring for someone else. 
 
So, when do you decide it's time to take care of you? And if you ever make this difficult and guilt inspiring decision, who is it that does take care of you?

Run down the list of hats you wear in a typical day, or week, or month, and consider how those who are paid as professionals in each field demand to be treated and served. 

Chefs have dishwashers, most professions have secretaries, or assistants, some professions have entire staff to tend to things that are outside their expertise.

And you, a busy professional woman, do all of these, only get paid for one maybe two of them and insist that your needs can wait.

and wait...

and wait...

and wait...

But what happens when they can't wait any longer? What happens when you finally hit that tipping point? What happens when you burn out mentally, emotionally or physically?

People in your life will step up and pitch in and they will care for you. And then you'll feel even more guilty.

So what if you decided that taking care of you, self-care, that thing that you know you're supposed to do, but just never manage to get around to, was important. What if you decided that it was a priority? 

What if you could come up with a way to do that on a regular basis and not feel guilty? 

Impossible?

Maybe not.

There are a thousand little things you can do in a day to lower your stress level and take a little bit of self-care without neglecting your loved ones, your business or your ever growing to-do list. 

Here are a few to inspire you to do a little self-care today...

• Give yourself a mini facial - grab one of those sets of beauty products you bought but never took the time to use and do all the steps. Enjoy the glow and great feeling skin.
• Listen to your favorite song. Turn the volume up loud. Before you pick up the kids, sing all the lyrics at the top of your lungs and chair dance if you want to.
• Call your best girlfriend and share a funny memory.
• Do a random act of kindness for someone who can not return the favor, but a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line, pay a parking meter, give a McDonalds or Subway gift card to a homeless person.
• Send yourself a note or card - in the mail. 
• Watch your favorite movie.

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html        

Wine, Women & Wax

The lights are low, nothing harsh to make you squint your eyes or scrunch your face. You and 6 girlfriends have cracked a bottle of wine and settled into the couches as the laughter starts to roll.

Time stands still, just for a couple of hours. You don't have to cook, clean, stop and pick up, drop everything and help, or answer ANYTHING. 

You catch up, you share stories, you compliment one another's latest outfit, hairstyle or shoes. You brainstorm, you comfort one another, you commiserate, you brag. 

As you get into your car to head home, you feel strong. You feel empowered. You feel ready to face tomorrow's lists and tasks and uncertainty with renewed vigor. 

That's what getting together with your girlfriends is for. When is the last time you did that? The holidays are over. You've spent the last 2 months taking car of everyone else in your life more than usual. You deserve a little me time, a little we time. 

What do you say? Give 'em a call! Want to add a little retail therapy? Give me a shout and I'll bring the wax!
 

Resolve to Regress this year

As the calendar year turns to begin anew, I, like most people, consider my plans for the year. Goals, commitments, vacations, plans...

One of the first things on my list is to plan for races I intend to complete in the coming year. Having finished 2 Warrior Dashes, and now my first Super Spartan, I am completely obsessed with obstacle races. 

Like many, I have significant goals to lose weight and improve my fitness in the coming year, to add emphasis to this, my company's annual incentive trip this year is to Hawaii for 6 days and 5 nights. As my husband and myself are extremely excited to earn and attend this year's trip, I am planning my training with added vigor. 

So, I started reading the Spartan Race eBook - all things training and mindset related to prepare you for a Spartan Race. A line jumped out at me and caught my attention

"When we were young, we loved to climb, run, jump and swing. We loved to play. It's part of who we are, yet it's often absent from our adult lives."

As kids, we loved to feel the wind in our hair, the sun on our face and the grass (or dirt or sand) under our feet. As we have moved through this thing called life, we work more and play less. So much less, in fact, that we lose the desire to play.

This year, as you make your list of hopes and dreams, your goals and resolutions, I propose that you resolve to regress. 

Go back. Go back to your youth and grab that vitality you had, grab the desire to go out and play. Run. Jump. Swing. Dance. Spin. Climb. Soar. 

Imagine how much younger you could feel as 2014 comes around. How's that for self care?

Have you grabbed your free guide yet? What are you waiting for? 
http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html      

 

Girlfriend Guilt

If you are anything like me, you have a list of girlfriends, or other favorite people in your life that you are always promising to get together with. Do these comments sound familiar?

It's been too long, we need to get together.

As soon as (insert child's sport) season is over, we need to go get coffee.

Let's do lunch after (insert current life event).

So week after week and month after month, time expands and you still haven't kept that promise you made to someone in your life you truly care about and really enjoy spending time with. 

And it's a catch 22. You feel guilty because you haven't kept your commitment, and you feel guilty, as if it's self-indulgent, to take the time to keep the commitment. You can't win. 

And now the holidays are here, and that guilt feels more present than ever. This is the time of year to connect with those you don't see often. Now you add a layer of social expectation to your guilt cycle. 

And to top it all off, you have a boat load of extra things on your list to get done.

But what if that's the answer, not another problem?

Guess what? 

All of your girlfriends and favorite people have a boat load of extra things on their list to get done too! 

What if you did some of them together? 

• Knock out the last of your holiday shopping together
• Have a cookie baking day
• Make holiday party appetizers or hors d'oeuvres that can be frozen and reheated
• Go to drop off your holiday donations together
• Do a kid watching swap and steal 15-30 minutes to visit at drop off/pick up
• My personal favorite, and something I have done with my girlfriends in the past, a gift wrapping party - everyone has a bunch of gifts to wrap - get together at 1 person's house and visit and catch up while you get your wrapping done

These are just a few suggestions, but you can apply this to anything you have on your list. And it's not just something you can do during the holidays, any time of year you can call your girlfriend and see if she needs or wants to do one of the things on your to-do list that week. It's more fun to do together too!

That is good self-care! Getting stuff crossed off your list, banishing the guilt around keeping our commitments to our very favorite people, and the best part, actually getting to see and spend time with them!

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
 
 
If you haven't yet, get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 

 

Expectations, disappointment, and you

Have you ever found yourself in a place of excited anticipation? Where an opportunity is on the horizon, and it will be a game changer for you in one way or another? You see the possibilities lining up before you and you can picture all the great changes that will come to you as a result. You see the changes you will make as a result. It's exhilarating, the hope is wondrous, the vision is palpable. It's fun to envision this new reality.
 
And sometimes, the opportunity doesn't work out. And the more you let yourself envision it, the more disappointed you are. 

So, while you are in that place, in those long moments of anticipation, you feel the stress, the anxiety of trying to manage your expectations while remaining hopeful and holding your future vision. It's a bit like walking a tightrope.

I have found myself in this place this past month, and am in the midst of yet another opportunity blossoming. This past month, I had 3 new team members all excited to get started. One worked out. I completely let myself fall head over heels into hope. Didn't consider for a moment the very real possibility that things change, hiccups happen and life can surprise anyone at any time. Naughty me! As a result, I was very bitterly disappointed at month end to not hit my goal.

A few good lessons learned:

• Even if it looks like you are going to hit your goal, keep pushing, anything can happen and what if you exceed it?  
• Nothing is final until it is final. Life changes every day, in ways we can never anticipate.
• Stay focused on your vision, your final outcome, but loosen your hold on the specifics.

So now, as I eagerly await the outcome of this next big opportunity. I am actively trying to manage my expectations. It's tough. I find my imagination running away, painting pretty pictures in my head, which seems to lead to random humming and chair dancing.

So, my final lesson for the week, as I remain hopeful but try to manage my enthusiasm and keep my cart behind my horse, is to keep thinking about Plan B. Remembering that it is Plan B, it is "just in case" Plan A doesn't work out, but it is there and ready. 

How about you? How do you manage your expectations, and the anxiety that comes with it? 

Learn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar
http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=E950DC8282473F


Get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Some days are not OK

As you go through the course of your day, you are bound to encounter stress, frustration, sometimes anger, even sadness or downright despair.

You could be in a situation like I wrote about last week where you are experiencing a hostile environment either personally or professionally. You could be in a stressful job. You could just be a normal person going through a normal day where things just don't always go as planned.

And, those that know me well may be surprised to hear me say - yep, that's going to happen. Despite all the tips and tidbits I share, even if you follow the best self-care rituals on the planet, these things are going to happen. Anyone remember this scene from Forget Paris?

As I go through my day, I pass people, or connect with them over the phone, and invariably the "how are you?" question comes up. It's pretty unusual for me to respond with anything but one of my characteristic superlative replies - it seems "Fabulous" is the most common. - Right Brian Kucharski? Very often, the next thing I hear is "you're always great" or "you're always fabulous".

You know what, I am most of the time. Not always. That would be impossible unless I was really, clinically insane. (I'll never deny being a little crazy - maybe more than a little. haha) But we all have those moments, and  you know what? 

It's totally OK.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Sometimes you’ll get down, really down. Sometimes you’ll get hurt, crushed. Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed. What you resist, persists. So don’t resist. The sooner you get it all out the sooner you can move on. Now, that does NOT mean wallow, but deal with it. Finding your happiness is not about suppressing emotions, or neglecting to deal with them. It's about working through or seeing past them. And some are most assuredly more difficult than others.

One thing I do find very helpful is placing happiness triggers. 

See this little smiley face koosh dude? 

I've had him on my cube wall at my day j.o.b. for a while but recently decided to move him where he is in my sight line. He definitely brings a smile when I glance down and see him cheerfully smiling at me.

Photos, I have some photos of our trip to Barcelona, Spain above my computer monitor.

Sound, pick a great short sound byte or ring tone and set an alarm on your phone. You'll be energized by the great sound, and you can even use that as a reminder to take a breath or maybe take a break and a walk around.



Scent. Fragrance is our sense tied most closely to memory. Tuck a handkerchief in your purse sprayed with your husband's cologne. Or your baby's shampoo.

Energy boosters. Make a list of small, five to 10 minute acts that make you feel better. This is hard for many women, so don’t be afraid to start small.

Above and beyond the Happiness triggers, do one thing for yourself every day. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but it has to be JUST for you. It may be giving yourself a pedicure or giving yourself permission to say “no”. It may be flowers on your desk. Give yourself permission for indulgence. Every day.

Love your imperfections. They are a key ingredient that goes into making you you. Laugh at yourself.
Have you grabbed my free guide yet? Quick tips on reducing stress. www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Playing Hooky

Did you ever play hooky in school? Maybe it was senior skip day, or maybe you snuck out before last period one day. 

It's kind of an exhilarating feeling. This feeling of hard won freedom, though in truth, you didn't work hard to earn it, you took a risk, right? And your reward is some time, an hour, an afternoon, or a day doing something you really enjoy, feeling rejuvenated and this fun sense of invigoration.

I got to thinking about this today as it relates to what I do. I help women play hooky from their to-do lists.
Very often, when I get together with a group of women, I start out by asking them what they would be doing if they weren't there, enjoying some wine, women and wax. Typically, the answers are somewhere in the range of housework, homework, yard work or errands. We all proceed to thank the fabulous lady who is hosting the gathering that evening for getting us out of all of that!

Most women I know, are overworked, overwhelmed or under appreciated (sometimes all of the above).
We run from one thing to the next, always scanning the next 5 things on our to do list. If we're not working, we're taking care of the kids, or our parents, or our significant others, or a friend or family member in crisis. If we're not actively caring for another human being, we're chauffeuring the kids to or from an event, or running errands, or volunteering, or participating in the PTA or other committee. If we're not running around, we're doing housework, laundry, or homework.

When do we get time for US? How many of you find yourself moving your personal to-dos from this week's list to next week's list? Hair or nail appointments, exercise programs or plans, lunch or coffee with your girlfriend?

So how about it? How would you like to play hooky for a couple of hours? 


What would you do?



Wanna find out how you can reduce stress and guilt at the same time? Grab my free guide: www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Stress? Everyone's got it. So what? Right?

I know many of you are entrepreneurs, and so you are definitely a step or two ahead of the “average Jane” in that at least, you are passionate about what you do each day. But that doesn’t make it any less stressful. Some may say more stress, I say different stress. You’re not worried about the company layoffs, but you are worried about your company profits and where your next customer is going to come from.

What is your current stress level? 
 
Rate the following questions 1-5 on how true the statements are for you:

1. I find it difficult to keep up with everything going on in my life
2. I never seem to sleep enough
3. My energy isn't what I want it to be
4. I eat too much when I'm nervous
5. I get angry or frustrated over little things
6. I find it difficult to achieve the lifestyle I want
7. I find it difficult to take the time to take care of me
8. Anxiety, frustration, sadness, anger, guilt, or embarrassment get in the way of me enjoying my life
9. I find myself worrying about aspects of my life (1 for each)
   job finances success relationships marriage children

Compare your hand temperature to your neck temperature by touching your neck with the fingertips of both hands. Do your fingers feel colder than your neck? Do your fingers feel warm like your neck?
Warm Hands are Relaxed, Cold Hands are Tense.

If your fingers feel really cold, then you are showing extra tension perhaps too much stress.
If your fingers feel cool, then you are showing some tension.
If your fingers are warm like your neck, then you may be relaxed and comfortable.
If your fingers feel hotter than your neck, then you may be deeply relaxed.

Rate Yourself:

Score:

9-18         You are one cool cucumber, one happy camper. You got it under  
                control. Go YOU! You should share your secrets with your friends.
19-27       You are right on the edge. Still in control, but starting to feel the 
                signs.
28-37       We need to talk! You seriously need to schedule some girl time.     
                Maybe a 2nd glass of wine.
38-46       Danger danger Will Robinson! You are on serious stress overload.
               We need a "6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine" intervention!

Now, if you've read my blog before, you know my top 2 stress relief suggestions. Whether you are able to get together with your girlfriends or not, whether you are able to create a calming space in your home or not, you still need to find your “Happy Place”. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow stepping off a curb. We have to stop waiting for “someday” to be happy. No more of this “I just have to knuckle down and really work the business now, and when we hit X then I can relax a little and take time to do “all those things”.

Aren’t “all those things” the whole point?

Women more than men as entrepreneurs, and business women make huge sacrifices believing that later, they’ll be able to make up for it, after they achieve their success. They miss the kids’ games, birthday parties, anniversary dinners, girlfriend lunches and they are still making 70 cents on the dollar compared to a man in the same position. Men don’t feel guilty about watching the game instead of mowing the lawn, or playing a round of golf instead of making an appearance at the neighborhood barbecue.
Women work twice as hard, make less money, all while taking care of every household detail. Now I know we are busy, and it’s tough to schedule play time. But isn’t that the whole point? Shouldn’t we take the kind of care of ourselves that we demand for those we love?
 
I know, especially busy women entrepreneurs are high octane people. “I thrive on stress.” Right? “I do my best work under pressure.” Right? But it adds up, and it sneaks up on you like grey hairs and before you know it you burn out.

And aside from the passion you feel for your business, isn’t part of why you want to be a successful business woman just so that you can enjoy “all those things”.  

A turning point in my life was when my husband was laid off from a corporate job that had made him so depressed he was a completely different person. We likened the layoff to when a loved one has been really sick for a long time, and they pass away. It’s sad, but it’s really a relief that the suffering is over. We decided it was our last best opportunity for him to pursue his life long dream rather than go back to doing what he hated somewhere else. We walked away from a 70K income and invested an additional 70K in the additional training he needed.
We decided we didn’t need to suffer any more. My husband’s happiness in his career was more important than his income or our lifestyle. I didn’t know how, but I knew I’d do anything to work it out.
So I started my business alongside my corporate position to supplement our income. Don’t worry, this isn’t a pitch for my “business opp”. Here’s the point, in helping my husband make his dream come true, I not only found a dream I didn’t even know I had, but I figured out that life is supposed to be good and happy. Every day.

 
We learned that it is truly never too late to bring your dream to life. At 43 years of age, my husband got hired as an airline pilot. No more sitting in a cubicle for him. We learned that anything really is possible.
And we’ve figured out that life is about each day, making the most of who we are, where we are and most importantly who we are with.
It turns out it wasn’t just me experiencing this - we all get so busy living life, that we forget to Live Life.

I love this picture. I have this hanging next to my mirror so I see it every morning. These aren’t my words, but it reminds me how great each day can be.

 Waking Up Full of Awesome

There was a time when you were five years old, and you woke up full of awesome.
You knew you were awesome. You loved yourself.
You thought you were beautiful, even with missing teeth and messy hair and mismatched socks inside your grubby sneakers.
You loved your body, and the things it could do. You thought you were strong. You knew you were smart.
Do you still have it? The awesome. Did someone take it from you? Did you let them?...
Look at her. She is full of awesome.
You were, once. Maybe you still are. Maybe you are in the process of getting it back.
All I know is that if you aren’t waking up feeling like this, you are really missing out.


And if you can’t find your awesome every day, find your happy place. Find your thing or list of things that make you smile, or better yet, make you giggle. Maybe your thing is your beautiful daughter, or your handsome son. Maybe your thing is the vacation to Maui you took 2 years ago and you would love to repeat. Maybe your thing is art, something beautiful like Monet. Maybe your thing is music. I definitely can’t have a bad day, when I start it off by shaking my groove thang or singing at the top of my lungs alone in my car.
Maybe your thing is really great shoes, I know I have a certain kind of joy when I’m wearing a really great pair of shoes.
My big “thing” is I find the funny. Truth be told, sometimes I find the funny in inappropriate things or situations, and I have to stifle my giggle. More truth be told, sometimes I’m more successful at giggle stifling than others.

And here the secret formula:
Start your day with that thing. Before you walk out the door, or pick up the phone for your first business conversation, go to your happy place. Give yourself the gift of 30 seconds - heck go for it and maybe give yourself a whole minute. Think about your thing. Look at yourself in the mirror with that huge smile on your face.
And then, when you feel your stress levels on the rise, take a moment, take a breath, and go to your thing, your happy place, and (if it’s not completely inappropriate) give yourself the gift of that smile again.

You’ll be surprised how much just that moment in your happy place will drain some of that stress away.

Women: multi-tasking vs focus and stress

As women, one of our greatest strengths is our ability to excel at multitasking, or is it? 

How many of you remember the old Enjoli commercial?

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re the man … cause I’m a woman --- Enjoli

We’re led to believe that to be a “real woman” we need to be able to do it all, starting with “bringing home the bacon” while taking care of every household detail, keeping our children away from the TV and on a gluten free sugar free non-hormone fed organic diet and still have preternaturally shiny hair!!!

Women, especially women in business, ESPECIALLY women entrepreneurs, have a constant list of items and areas in their life that they are actively working to improve.

I've taken note recently that I apparently only have the ability to really be able to focus to achieve excellence in 2 or 3 areas of my life at a time. 
Unfortunately, I have 5 or 6 that I actively want to achieve more in and be great in. 
But as I try to "do it all"...
One week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to exercise and work with my dog every day but order take out 3 nights out of the week. 
The next week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to work out 5 days that week but barely see my husband when he's home. 
The following week, I'll plan and shop and prepare super healthy meals for my husband and myself but only take the dog for 2 short walks.
 
Something always seems to fall short. 

And while I definitely excel at cleaning the kitchen while preparing an amazing meal, or listening to a great self help or motivational book while working out or walking my dog, or reading and sending emails while entering client orders, telling myself that I can focus on, and achieve true excellence in all these areas at the same time only serves to increase my frustration and stress level.

We're bombarded with images of celebrities who appear to be able to seamlessly and effortlessly "do it all" and more!

• Madonna is a Singer/Actress/Director/Fitness Guru/Mom
• Gwen Stefani is a Singer/Songwriter/Clothing Designer/Mom
• Beyonce is a Singer/Composer/Actress/Producer/New Mom
• Zooey Deschanel is an Actress/Musician/Blogger
• Jennifer Lopez is a Dancer/Singer/Actress/Producer/TV Judge/Clothing Designer/Mom

And we start to think that there's something wrong with us if we struggle to balance
Work/Entrepreneur/Home/Mom/Wife/Best Friend/Fit and Active Woman/Healthy Meal Planner

Well, just a sanity check here, note that there are some celebrities who don't excel at "having it all".

• Nicky Hilton didn't inherit the "hotel" gene.
• Natalie Portman's new vegan-friendly line of footwear was a flop.
• The Kardashians are terrible at banking.
• Kim Basinger thought Georgia could be the Las Vegas of the South
• Suzanne Sommers wanted to help you prepare family meals.
• Supermodels Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer, Elle McPherson and Naomi Campbell couldn't quite get people excited about a new cafe.

I'll also remind you that those that DO succeed and make it look seamless and effortless have STAFF... Lots and Lots of staff! 

No wonder at the end of the week, we always find ourselves with 30 things on our "to do" list that we never got around to.

So, to minimize your stress and frustration, my greatest tip is to ease up on yourself. Give yourself a break and don't expect to be able to multi task your way to all the things you're working towards all at once.

They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. I think realistically, it is more like 45-60.

First, you need to plan your schedule at least a week in advance, and honestly put on there all the things you have committments to, the non-negotiables first.
 
Then, honestly list and prioritize those things in your life you want to give focus to. 

My list is:

• My husband - plan my schedule so that we can spend time together when his schedule permits
• My dog (kid) - actively engage, train and give quality time to
• My business - grow, expand and fully book my client calendar
• Get fit and strong - exercise 5-6 times per week to lose weight and get strong and fit
• Eat healthy - plan, shop for and prepare healthy meals to achieve our weight loss and fitness goals
• My friends - schedule and spend time with my friends

Next, pick 1 or 2 things to make a focus on for a solid month, if not two.

Use that month (or 45 or 60 days) to build a habit out of this focus.
 
Once your focus becomes a habit, it no longer requires as much of your focus. 

You don't have to plan or squeeze in brushing your teeth, putting on your makeup, getting dressed or fixing your hair. Yet, you find time for those activites every day. (OK there may be days when you don't put on makeup or fix your hair, but I know you don't skip brushing your teeth!)
That is because these things are simply habit. They happen on auto pilot, without you giving them much if any conscious thought.

Finally, be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up if the 4th, 5th and 6th place items on your priority list don't get done this week or this month. You'll focus on those next month, or next quarter. BUT by the time a year is out, you will have built strong healthy habits without stress and frustration and you'll be a whole lot closer to your goals!

Share in the comments what is on your list and what your top 2 items are.

Related articles

• Today's Enjoli Woman Has A Bit More To Handle Than Simply Frying Up Some Bacon
• The Enjoli Factor
• What Does "Having It All " Smell Like

Calgon take me away!

Remember those old commercials? I totally do! And they were from before a time when I was handling grown up responsibilities like a house, husband and business.

Since then, our lives have only become more busy and more hectic. And our need for that bathtub, bubbles, and beverage has only grown. 

Here are some tips to help you claim that time and space in your home and your day.

My most popular tip is the do not disturb sign. So many of my customers use this one with great joy! If your family isn't great at respecting yours (and most aren't so don't feel bad about this) make a sign or a door hanger. 
Allow your kids (husbands included) to do the same for a pre-defined amount of time per day or per week so they feel empowered to claim their alone time and will be less likely to intrude on yours. - For example 10 year old Johnny is allowed to put out his door hanger for 15 minutes once a week. You won't disturb him during this time. This also builds a surprising level of trust and respect with your kids.
Let them know that your time will not exceed (fill in the blank with your needed time - 1 hour, 2 hours, half an hour) and that they will get your full attention when that time is up.

If that doesn't work, the ever popular lock is another great suggestion :)

In a bathroom or vanity area, we take time to look good and feel even better. Having a place where we can pamper ourselves can help us relax and tap into our playfulness.
Important elements:

• Soft lighting
  If you like to read in the tub, ample light is needed
  If you just like to soak and relax, super soft light is perfect, perhaps some candles. 
• A tub to soak in and some great bath products
  It doesn't have to be a jacuzzi, just enough to get a great soak
  Fabulous bath beads, oil or bubbles are great for that "calgon take me away" experience.
• A tray or table
  Must be within arms reach of said tub
  Nothing worse than having to stand half way up when you're soaking happily away to reach your book or beverage    
• Great towels
  You don't need to upgrade all your linens, but a couple really fluffy fabulous towels just for your special escape days are definitely in order. (a great item to add to your birthday or Holiday wish list)

It doesn't take a lot to create an extraordinary space for yourself. I'd love to help you create just the look and fragrance to make your experience perfect.
Here are a couple of sample spaces to give you an idea.

To create this look:

	Full Price	As a party guest	As a Hostess with an average party*
2 sconces	$120	$60 (half price)	FREE
Glass Hurricane	$70	$70	$35 (half price)
2 3 x 3 pillars	$22	$22	$11 (half price)
Total:	$212	$152	$46

To create this look:

	Full Price	As a party guest	As a Hostess with an average party*
3 Forbidden Fruits jars	$75	$75	FREE
Forbidden Fruits Compact	$25	$25	FREE
1 Box Large Tealights	$12	$6 (half price)	FREE
Forbidden Fruits Reed Diffuser	$22.50 (half price)	$22.50 (half price)	$22.50
Total:	$145	$128.50	$22.50

* 6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine - average sales of $500

Just Relax!

Is it just me, or when you are all spun up about something, or feeling excessively tense, or just completely overwhelmed and someone, a well meaning someone, tells you to "Just Relax" does it have the opposite effect?

But when you are overwhelmed, over worked and just ready to tip over the edge you need SOMETHING. And we're all tempted to do the most unhealthy things to get through. We grab a chocolate bar, or some "comfort food", maybe a big bowl of ice cream or a gooey brownie. All those things are great to indulge in once in a while, and if you've been reading me for any time, you know I'm a big promoter of doing something that truly makes you happy and even indulging every now and then. The point here is that this isn't really going to reduce your stress level, and what's worse, it will increase the dreaded guilt!

As busy business women, we are constantly juggling and trying to clear an ever filling plate. We end up in a vicious cycle that leaves us feeling guilty and isolated. We feel guilty that we don't get to the things on our plate that have been there the longest, but always seem to lose out on priority. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our family when we're working. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our work when we're with our family. We feel guilty that we haven't come up with a solution to this whole "life balance" equation yet. We feel guilty that there are people in our lives we cherish that we promise and promise to see, but that commitment just ends up being another item on our plate with a "C" priority that doesn't make the cut. And perish the thought of doing something just for you.

But that's just the thing that you need.

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things a woman can do for her health is to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities.

Brain Chemistry information from Beverly Keyes Taylor @ www.genderbrainchemistry.com

Stress is the cause of almost all health problems, which is the direct effect of the level of cortisol released into the body during stressful times.  

The stressed man wants to withdraw and just relax, mindlessly forgetting about the stress of his day. This is a necessary action for him to rebuild the testosterone used up during the stress of the day.

The stressed woman wants to talk about her stress, as that increases her oxytocin and serotonin. As she talks to an intent and well trained listener, her levels of serotonin and oxytocin rise, and she begins to feel more relaxed. As women have more language centers in both hemispheres of the brain, she more easily articulates, communicates, and expresses her emotions and feelings.

When the stressed man is not allowed to recover his testosterone, and the stressed woman doesn’t raise her oxytocin level, their cortisol level stays high. This changes the brain chemistry, leaving them feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and even more stressed.

Not to mention, cortisol is the hormone that stores the toxins in the body. It surrounds them with water and fat, and stores them right in the mid section. Cortisol also raises the level of hypertension, coronary disease, embolisms and obesity. This vicious cycle begins with not taking care of the level of stress according to your gender. This changes the chemistry of your brain. Therefore you may notice physiological changes brought on by stress such as mood swings, irritability and depression. Physical changes such as of loss of health may follow.

So when we get together, and we talk about what's going on in our lives, we get relief. We get relief from the guilt over not keeping our commitment to see these wonderful ladies. We get relief from the feeling of isolation that we are the ONLY person going through what we're currently experiencing. We get relief from being "on-duty". We get encouragement, advice, support and strength from our community. We laugh, we reminisce, we relax. 

And our stress starts to melt away.

So the next time you hear "Just Relax" it's time to phone, text or email your favorite girlies and schedule some quality girl time.

I'm curious, when is the last time you got together with your girlfriends? What did you do?

Related articles

4 stress relief tips for female entrepreneurs

driven women entrepreneurs can be more susceptible to stress and burn out

3 Tips On How Women Entrepreneurs Can Conquer Stress

Ever Have One of "Those" Days?

Do you ever have one of "those" days?
The kind where you feel kind of like a raw nerve?
The kind where people who are normally beneath your radar suddenly rub you the wrong way?
The kind where you are easily irritated or angered by things that normally wouldn't irritate or anger you?
The kind where you decide you are just "CRABBY" (or perhaps a more colorful word)

Ever have 2 of them in a row?

I've totally been having those this week! Yesterday and today as well.

When the sound of the person next to me breathing makes me feel like I'm on the other end of a high school student's bad heavy breathing call. 

And the chewing sounds like it's being run through an amplifier.
When certain people talk to you and you have to actively resist the urge to whip your head in response and snap "WHAT?!?!"

Thankfully, not only did I recognize it, but I have tools in my life ready for me to grab to do something about it! OK - to be honest, the doing something about it part happened faster today than yesterday. Yesterday, I did just seethe in red vision anger for maybe an hour.

So - I thought to myself "Self, I bet I'm not the only one that has to deal with these types of days" and I thought today would be a great  day to share my tips for taking control of your day.

1. Notice
   
   • Be self aware.
   • Be aware of your reactions, both internal and external. 
   • Be aware of your boundaries.  What reactions are acceptable and which are unacceptable, both internal and external.
2. Take responsibility   
   
   • Don't fall into the trap of placing the blame on circumstances. ("that" time of the month, sickness, an unpleasant coworker, neighbor or family member)
   • Realize that whatever the outside circumstance, it has NO POWER OVER YOU.
3. Assess the situation
   
   • Can you do something to change the situation that is blowing your top?
   • If so, calmly handle the problem, then give yourself a high five.
   • If not, resolve to let it go. If you can't control it, don't let IT control YOU.
4. Assess the urgency of your mood
   
   • Do you need to do something NOW to turn your mood around or can it wait until you get home?
5. Deploy your EMAT (Emergency Mood Altering Tools)
   
   • If the situation is urgent, the best, fastest tool is MUSIC. Not just any music. Have a go to song.
     Mine is Danzig and Shikira sing Hips Don't Lie. Not only does it make me dance (just can't prevent it) but it also cracks me up. It's loaded on my phone so I always have it with me.
   • If the situation is a slow boiler, deploy the endorphins.
     Exercise, take a class, go for a walk, run, skate, swim or bike ride, put in an exercise video.
     If you can combine the outdoors with the exercise, so much the better!

Even if you're all alone. Or as I often say, when you don't have 6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine handy, you have the power to turn your day around.

P.S. Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

Serenity Now!

Who remembers this episode of Seinfeld? 

Frank Costanza is advised to say "serenity now" aloud every time his blood pressure is in danger of going up, but he yells it instead.


We all have our tricks for when we're losing control. But do we recognize it soon enough? 

Why do we wait until we're about to tip over the edge before we try to make ourselves feel better?


Why don't we focus on feeling better every day?

“Today is a most unusual day, because we have never lived it before; we will never live it again; it is the only day we have."

Today can be a healthy unusual day for you -- and for others -- if you take time to give someone a smile . . . to express a word of kindness . . . to lend a helping hand to someone in need . . . to write a note of gratitude . . . to give a word of encouragement to someone who is temporarily overcome with problems . . . to share a portion of your material possessions with others.

 

Happiness can't be forced like Frank Costanza tried to do, but it can be chosen. It can be sought. 


 Don't wait for tomorrow, don't wait for Friday, don't wait for the weekend or retirement or the kids to be in school or the kids to be out of school. 

 
Choose happiness today.
Seek happiness today.


Your challenge today, should you choose to accept it is to think of something that makes you happy and do that thing. Eat ice cream, walk outside on your lunch hour, swing on a swing, dangle your feet in a pool, lake, river or pond.

Share your happy thing. I'd love to hear it, and who knows what you may inspire in another.