Loving the journey, no really!!!

We've seen millions of those inspirational messages with pretty pictures about how life is a journey, not a destination and we need to enjoy the journey right? 


As a travel enthusiast, I so see the truth in the idea. 

As a life enthusiast, I so find the joy in every day, and I think that was the meaning I took from that saying or idea.

As a learning enthusiast, I think I finally get it! 

As a woman entrepreneur, like you, I am on a constant path of learning, improving, building new skills. I have a pile of business books, self-help books, motivational books. I get excited about new ideas and am always trying to improve myself and my business.


In my direct sales business, one of the huge points that is repeated over and over and over again in every training and at every conference ad nauseum is this idea of a big WHY. 
"When your why is big enough, you'll find the how."
I'll be truthful, in 8 years, I've searched and searched and using all the tools and ideologies presented to me, it's never worked for me. Never. 

I'm reading a fabulous book - Networking is Dead - I highly recommend it! I took intense interest in the lesson about confusing the what with the why. "When your why is bigger than your what or your how you become an attractor of possibility."

Finishing up the end of my amazing year working with business coach Christine Gallagher, and preparing for a coaching call this week, I had one of those "big a-has" that we hear so much about.

My why isn't about me. Well, it is in it's what I want to create in the world, but it's not about the vision of the life I want to create for me. That is the result, that's the what. That's not the why. 

I friggin' GET IT!

My why isn't so I can retire from corporate America permanently and become a real, full time, honest to goodness entrepreneur - you know - safety net free. My why isn't the business and the schedule and the income that will allow me to spend the time with my husband I want and travel when and where we want.

I want to work with more women entrepreneurs, in BOTH of my businesses. More importantly, the reason I want that is because I want to serve them. I don’t just want to sell product for the sake of the almighty dollar. I want to help women entrepreneurs to find a way to take the kind of care of themselves that they need and that they know they need. I want to make it not only possible, but even easy for them to make that oh so important time to connect with those most important women in their life. I want to influence a team of leaders to make the same kind of impact, each in their own way. I want to create a community, a family of great women.

And I am SO blessed that I see a bigger vision of the IMPACT I can have on women entrepreneurs than I ever saw before. 

Because of the journey. WOW am I loving it!

So ladies, stay tuned. I am here to serve you. 



Do you want to promote yourself or your business? I will connect you with the BEST networking organization in the US. Over 40 Females combines education and pampering at each uniquely themed event while providing support and encouragement to women on the social and business networking platforms. 

Have you considered that proper self-care is actually a business resource and tool that you should be tending right up there with personal and professional improvement? Let's connect. I would love to help you claim that sacred connection time with those women in your life you've been promising to connect with, and create with you a personal sanctuary so you can make that self-care time at the snap of your fingers.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Click on that commenty box below and share your why or your what or if you just get what I'm saying.  

Passion, Inspiration, Change and Acceptance

Yikes, it's been a while since I posted a blog. I suppose not so surprising. At least not to me, or my husband or my best friend or my business coach who see my journey up close and personal.

Like many, if not all of you, I am pretty busy. I have a 9-5 job, as well as my Wine, Women & Wax business. I train my dog in agility and myself in endurance sports (obstacle racing currently). I attend social and business networking as well as live music events. So, it may seem insane that I decided to add another HUGE item to the top of my list. I started another business. 

Now I have added the title Chapter Director of the Chicago Chapter of Over 40 Females. It has been a fun, scary, exciting journey so far, and I've only just started. 

How did I get here?

Can I handle it?

Is my other business going away? 

I'm going to be super frank and honest here, no sugar coating or beating around the bush, so ... you've been warned.

How did I get here?

I have been in the home fragrance and decor business for nearly 8 years now. Like many other direct sales professionals, I've cycled through abundance and struggle. The past 2 years, it's felt more like struggle than anything else. Every business changes, and ours has as well. Online sales have changed a lot of how we do business, the marketplace has changed and shifted.

So, I have been working with an amazing business coach, Christine Gallagher during the past year. We narrowed my target market, and although my business hasn't grown by leaps and bounds, I am enjoying working with my customers more because they are the right customers for me.

In one of our discussions, well in 3 of our discussions, I mentioned this idea I had that I wasn't sure what to do with. I had this vision of a recurring service event for women. An event where women would come and be pampered, and have fun, and not be subjected to a hard sell. Every time it came up, I started trying to work out how I could make it happen, then I would run into a stumbling block and stop working on it. 

The third time it came up, Christine lovingly and firmly told me "You know this means you are actually going to have to do this right?" So, I started doing some research, as directed. I can let myself down, I certainly can't let her down! In the process, I found this amazing National Organization, Over 40 Females. They are doing exactly what I had envisioned and MORE. Of course, they aren't in Chicago, well, we weren't. I contacted the organization, interviewed with the head of chapter directors and we decided it would be a great fit, and a very symbiotic fit with my current business. 

Once I had made this decision and started down the path of launching this organization, a lot of stuff came up. Old stuff that I had totally convinced myself I had dealt with and overcome. Loads of self doubt the biggest. On another coaching call with Christine, she so perfectly described what had happened to me, that I hadn't even seen myself. She said, it seemed like the light inside you had gone out. It had. 

My spark for my business had gone out. I felt stuck and frustrated and didn't know where to turn. New customers trickled in, but didn't flow. I felt like I was working SO hard and getting little to no results in return. I didn't want to work on my business because I wasn't getting results, and I wasn't getting juice. I felt tired of beating my head against the proverbial wall. And the same question kept coming up over and over again. Get in front of the right people.

I am having SO much fun connecting other women. I am having SO much fun arranging and coordinating monthly events. I am having SO much fun meeting other powerful, vibrant, successful business women and standing shoulder to shoulder with them. 

I took note this week of a phenomenon I've experienced already several times in launching and growing this group. Women LOVE to connect and promote other women. I was looking for speakers for my June event, reached out to my connections on Linked In, and received nearly 100 responses and strong connections and recommendations. 

So, I see a path in front of me now. It's a little different than the path I saw before. It's exciting and empowering... hmmm a coincidence that the mission of Over 40 Females is Connect, Encourage and Inspire? I accept myself, I accept that I had some more changing and growing to do. I accept that my business had to change more than I knew. Your journey never unfolds just as you think it will. 

Now, I see my Wine, Women and Wax business growing alongside my exciting , vibrant, Chicago Chapter of Over 40 Females. I see myself serving women better than I ever could have before. I see myself bringing women together for more reasons than I ever could have with my Wine, Women and Wax business alone. I feel such passion and inspiration every day when I go to work on BOTH my businesses, I wake up with ideas, I have trouble falling asleep because I have so many ideas I want to unleash.

And I LIKE what I see! 

Cleaning your closet

Does anyone else follow the same closet cleaning model I do? In order to clean your closet, first you have to take everything OUT.

Before you begin the cleaning, first you have to make the mess a LOT bigger.

Sometimes we have to do this in our lives. I recently had a minor epiphany, I'm launching a new endeavor and it is going really, really well. As I discussed some of the "self-talk" changes I've noticed recently with my husband, I realized that the "self-talk" being replaced was something I hadn't admitted to myself even existed.

Some time ago, I was in a situation where some colleagues unleashed a campaign of negativity and bad press that would have made "The Heathers" proud. Of course, I had convinced myself that I was over it, I was bigger than it and it was all behind me. What I realized most recently, was that when I experience a setback in my business, those are exactly the voices in the quiet recesses of my subconscious that make me question myself. 

We never really listen to those voices consciously, so I managed to ignore them all this time, while they were worming their way deeper and deeper into my self conscious mind.

Going through the process of admitting to myself that these nasty old negative voices were there and were affecting my mindset and my actions has been extremely cathartic and refreshing. 

But now I realize, that before I'm truly through with these particular demons, before I can really say that they have no power over me, I need to fully 
expose them. 

Like cleaning out my closet. 

Do you need to do some closet cleaning in your life?

It is a powerful, rewarding and extremely effective form of self-care. If we're brave enough to do it.

And don't we all love a well organized and well stocked closet?

 

 

Trials and Tribulations

Business ebbs and flows. As an employee, that doesn't matter so much to you, unless or until it results in job instability or loss. As an entrepreneur, it matters, as a solopreneur, it matters a lot. 

The business model I'm in is direct sales. It's an awesome business model! But the ebb and flow can be painful. Because we work one on one with our customers, the ebb can feel personal. 

We are trained, with the business comes cancellations and postponements. It's just part of the business, expect them. We are also trained that it is a numbers game, and we understand that cognitively. But, emotionally, well that's another story. 

I'll share what happens to me, it's a cycle I'm working hard to break, and sharing this with all of you is part of how I hope to break the cycle for myself and perhaps help someone else who falls into the same cycle. If no more than to let them know it's not just them.

I'll get into a state of flow. My numbers may not be multiplying, but I'll get in a grove where my actions are in flow and the results I see from those actions start to flow as well. I'll fill my calendar with appointments, feeling good about all the work I put in. 

Then, it happens. Those "to be expected" cancellations and postponements. 

Now that comfy cushy pad of appointments I had set on my calendar starts to grow sparse. Even though I've been told to expect it, even though I've experienced it before, the truth is, it hurts my feelings. I know it shouldn't. But it does. In a business where I work one on one with my customers, I feel like I've been duped, misled, let down. It's not true, it's not rational, but it's how I feel at these times.

Then it becomes a snowball. The hurt turns to frustration and sometimes even anger. Why bother to work so hard to fill my calendar with appointments, when it is all for naught in the end. I become quietly, secretly despondent. On the outside, I look the same. I do some of the same activities, mostly the busywork ones. I tell myself I'm still doing what needs to be done, but not exerting any grand effort. And then the situation simply persists. 

Then the flow will start again, slowly but it doesn't take much. The flow is the juice, it is energy, it fuels. When things are moving forward, it's easy to do the things to keep moving forward, to keep growing. 

Until the next ebb. And they can come at any time, they can come at a time of great flow. In the direct sales model, I've had it when I experience a huge surge in team growth. A great number of my super hosts decide to join my team! Woo Hoo! Just exactly what we want! Except, then all the appointments I have filled my calendar with from their circles transfer to them, leaving holes. 

So, the pat industry answer is to plan for these and over book your calendar and make sure to be expanding in multiple circles all the time. But the truth is that simply isn't always what happens. You can't or simply don't always plan for these things. 

So, where is the self-care lesson in all of this? What do you do when the ebb comes? 

I'm talking about my business, but this can be applied to loads of areas in your life that go swimmingly well for a time then fall off leaving you feeling at a loss. 

Here's my plan: 

1. Acknowledge the hurt. You're allowed to be hurt, even it it's irrational. NOT to your customers, obviously. But to yourself. You can journal about it, meditate, call your best friend to talk it out, sit and have a good cry if you need to. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to wallow. This is a short term expression of the feelings you have.
2. Remind yourself that it is not the end of the world, because it's not. You know these things happened, have happened before and will happen again. And you've seen the other side of them always. The other side is coming.  
3. Make a list of 3 great things happening at this instant in this area.
4. Come up with 1 crazy idea to try to change it right now.
5. Step away for a minute to regroup and collect yourself. This is a great time to do something wonderful for yourself as a special treat. A massage, a great cup of tea or glass of wine, a walk, an intense workout. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to give up for a prolonged period of time. Like step 1, this is a quick break to allow you to come back energized.
6. Do at least 1 ACTIVE thing every day for a week to grow and support this area. You can't count the passive or neutral tasks you do as part of your normal activities.
7. Applaud yourself each day for doing this thing, and take notice of what starts to show up.

You will find that the flow starts again. It may seem like it's magical, it may come from areas not directly related to the actions you take. But things will start to flow, just like they are supposed to. 

I'd love to hear if this is something that you struggle with too. Please share your thoughts in the comments. And, if this plan helps you, I'd really love to hear about that as well!

 

Love is...

Valentine's Day ...

The day of the year, I feel sorry for all the men in the world. My husband and I don't "believe in" or "practice" Valentine's Day. He tells me he loves me all the time and I tell him I love him all the time. We do nice things for one another regularly, because that's what you do. At least that's what we think.

I generally eschew the day feeling that it is a day where many men are left to unrealistic expectations and despite their best intentions, they can end up accused of doing it wrong. 

However, this morning, a wonderful friend of mine, a friend who tragically and unexpectedly lost her husband last year, posted a short article and I found something I can support as a Valentine's Day ideal. 

...channel the true power of this very important day. It's the day of love, and there's nothing more important all year. So, use it to give love, show gratitude and appreciation to all those people who've touched your life this year -- whether it's giving them a gift, a hug or a simple call. Bring flowers to your perpetually single best friend, call your grandparent you've been meaning to talk to, make some homemade soup or cookies for that person who did you that big favor this year. Honestly, it will make you feel incredible! And that's really what the day is about: spreading love, being of service, expressing your positive emotions and feeling good...

I spent the weekend in Arizona visiting my parents. It was nice to see them, catch up, meet their new friends, and... oh yeah ... get spoiled rotten. Tragically, the day after I returned home, I got news that a friend of my mom's who I've known as long as I can remember, suddenly and tragically passed away. I don't know how or what happened, I know she was invited to lunch with us during my visit and had other plans. You just never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't wait until a special occasion to tell people what they mean to you. 

I write often about self-care and indirectly self-love. Today, I embrace the idea shared in that article. Make Valentine's Day a day of love. Not just for that person you share every morning and evening with - for that person deserves to hear and receive demonstration of your feelings every week, if not every day. For sharing love with some who perhaps don't have a special someone, or who are alone or far away. My girlfriend is celebrating this day of love by loving on her kids, and sending some flowers to a local hospice home in her late husband's name. It's late for this year, but how about making some Valentine's for the troops? Not about "being mine" or "kiss me" but about "you are appreciated".

And here's the super secret surprise... it is a GREAT form of self-care after all. You'll be amazed how wonderful you feel when you spread general love and positive emotions. 

and by the way, don't let it end with this one day ... you can do this any old day of the year you choose. Feeling down? Make some Valentine's Day card and take them to a retirement home. Send flowers to a local hospice home, or your receptionist. You'll feel amazing!!!

Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html     

 

Let go of the guilt and GLOW

I love what I do. I mean, I really love what I do.

This week, I had a phenomenal experience at one of my parties. My spectacular chiropractor and hostess set up the night with whimsy, she told all the ladies they were coming to a night of Wine Women & Wax. A couple of them thought we were having a night with wine and hair removal. We had wine, and snacks and pizza. The ladies connected and visited and rejoiced that we were in a room filled with peace and candlelight on a cold, snowy and blustery January night in Chicagoland. 

I began the night like I almost always do, sharing that I believe they did not come out to listen to me talk, but to talk to one another. I shared all the great specials they can take advantage of so they can get the best deal on their shopping, a quick and fun pass the gift game, and a couple quick tidbits.

• Consider creating a space just for you in your home where you can regroup, unwind and recharge at the end of the day.
• When women get together they physically produce more of a chemical oxytocin which reduces stress.
• They are all getting important anti-oxidants by sharing that glass of wine.

As the evening wound down, I received the most wonderful compliments that the ladies were so impressed with my "presentation" and that they really enjoyed connecting with one another, and had never been to another "home party" that gave them that opportunity. And I noted that another amazing thing that happens when women get together, is that we build each other up. We support one another, we comfort one another, we encourage one another, we exchange advice, we commiserate by sharing similar experiences and the compliments flow. 

How often do you get compliments every day?

Ladies, we spend so much of our lives caring for all those around us. You know you do. And you know you should be taking care of yourself better, you know that "self care stuff" is something you should be doing, but because it's for you, you never get to it. And why is it that this falls off of your list every week? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

Add to this, every time you chat with your girlfriend - sometimes via text or facebook message - you promise that you have to get together sometime soon, it's been too long. We can't let it go this long again. And the exact same thing happens. You never get to it. And why? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

But this time, the guilt is a double whammy - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because you feel guilty to "do for yourself" by making the time to spend with your girlfriend or you feel guilty for not keeping your promise to your girlfriend.

How can you win?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You need to take your self-care seriously. I have been thrilled to watch the "extreme self care" practice of Kelly O'Neil as she prepared for her amazing women's leadership conference. 

Take a stand for yourself. If your doctor said you had to make an appointment, you would. This is critical to your mental and physical well being. Say no to the guilt. Make a date with your favorite girls. Luxuriate in one another's company. Notice the glow each and every one of you has after spending time together.       

   
Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html 
  

Says who? Says YOU!

Ever have one of those days where you just want to scream? 
Or a day or two where you are in a funk and can't seem to shake it?

Do you feel like that feeling is out of your control?

It isn't, or at least, it doesn't have to be.

Life is full and things are fluid all the time. Things are always going to be coming at you, there will often be more than you can handle. 

You will have not enough business, or too much. 
The kids will have a million activities, or they will be bored and driving you crazy.
The house will be in need of fixing, or in need of remodeling or in need of redecorating, or you will be ready to sell it.

There will always be stuff. It won't all be rosy. But the really cool thing is you are in complete control of your perspective and your reaction.

As kids, when we wanted to stay up late, or eat popcorn, or go outside, we always had to ask our parents. And, when we got an answer we didn't like, they would tell us that when we grew up, we could make our own rules and we could decide when to stay up late, or eat popcorn. 

But we don't do we? We still let everything around us be the "boss of us".

My tip for today, your mission, should you choose to accept it is to take one of those tear sheets for yourself. Be the boss of you. Choose to stay up late, or go to bed early. Take a nap, go for a walk, eat ice cream before dinner. 

Pick a thing that makes you feel great, and do that thing just for you and nobody else.

I'd love to hear what your thing is... share in the comments below.

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html    
 
 
 

Dream a little dream

Do you remember when you were young and you used to daydream? You had no limits, no boundaries, you would think of places you wanted to go, people you wanted to meet, jobs you wanted to try, thinks you wanted to do, things you wanted to have...

You could be a race car driver, a doctor, an astronaut, a fairy princess.
You could live in Paris, or Rome or on the moon.
Your house could be a castle, or a mansion or a toadstool.

When is the last time you let yourself just daydream? No rules, no restrictions. Just dream.

I have several colleagues, mentors and friends who journal. I have a really hard time with the journaling process, but as I was thinking of trying it again
I considered the idea of daydream journaling.

Just let your mind wander and think of anything that pops up. 

Things you would love to have - a new car, a dream home, a new kitchen, a new laptop, a pet monkey.

Places you would love to visit - Paris, the zoo, Egypt.

People you would love to see - far away family or friends, real or imagined characters from books or movies.

Jobs you would love to do - be a fireman, an astronaut, the president, a ballerina.

Allowing our mind to free flow like this is a great form of self-care. Letting go of the constant thoughts of your stressors, your lists and obligations is more than just cathartic, it's soothing, it's a release.

AND ... you just don't know what silly, or wild and crazy daydream could plant the seed for your next venture, your dream home, your next career, the solution to a problem that's been vexing you.

Have learn to meditate on your "to do list"? This is a great way to do that too!

I dare you, set aside 15 minutes to just daydream. No guilt allowed!
Do you think it could reduce your stress? I do! 

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html     
 

Women wear a lot of hats

How true is that? 

• What woman you know doesn't do at least 3 jobs?
• Who makes it look effortless most of the time?
• Who doesn't get thanked enough?
• Who slowly and quietly gets more overwhelmed each day?
• Who seldom complains about the load she bears?

And of all the hats we wear, we are nearly always supporting, doing or caring for someone else. 
 
So, when do you decide it's time to take care of you? And if you ever make this difficult and guilt inspiring decision, who is it that does take care of you?

Run down the list of hats you wear in a typical day, or week, or month, and consider how those who are paid as professionals in each field demand to be treated and served. 

Chefs have dishwashers, most professions have secretaries, or assistants, some professions have entire staff to tend to things that are outside their expertise.

And you, a busy professional woman, do all of these, only get paid for one maybe two of them and insist that your needs can wait.

and wait...

and wait...

and wait...

But what happens when they can't wait any longer? What happens when you finally hit that tipping point? What happens when you burn out mentally, emotionally or physically?

People in your life will step up and pitch in and they will care for you. And then you'll feel even more guilty.

So what if you decided that taking care of you, self-care, that thing that you know you're supposed to do, but just never manage to get around to, was important. What if you decided that it was a priority? 

What if you could come up with a way to do that on a regular basis and not feel guilty? 

Impossible?

Maybe not.

There are a thousand little things you can do in a day to lower your stress level and take a little bit of self-care without neglecting your loved ones, your business or your ever growing to-do list. 

Here are a few to inspire you to do a little self-care today...

• Give yourself a mini facial - grab one of those sets of beauty products you bought but never took the time to use and do all the steps. Enjoy the glow and great feeling skin.
• Listen to your favorite song. Turn the volume up loud. Before you pick up the kids, sing all the lyrics at the top of your lungs and chair dance if you want to.
• Call your best girlfriend and share a funny memory.
• Do a random act of kindness for someone who can not return the favor, but a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line, pay a parking meter, give a McDonalds or Subway gift card to a homeless person.
• Send yourself a note or card - in the mail. 
• Watch your favorite movie.

Find more tips and ideas in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html        

Staying Connected - A Wake Up Call

Like many people, one of our holiday traditions is sending out a Christmas card. Also like many people, invariably we end up sending it out pretty late. I think maybe some years we've even sent them after Christmas Day. 
That wasn't the case this year, however this past week, we received several via return mail. Perhaps 6.

I found that this made me fairly upset. With myself. I felt like "what a horrible friend am I that I didn't even know Tom and his wife moved". Certainly, I could choose to think instead, "well, it's not like they sent out a change of address card or anything", but I didn't. And I don't. 

A few months back, a friend wrote a spectacular post about why she was leaving Facebook and deleting her account. She spoke eloquently about how she wanted to keep in touch with people who actually cared about the things going on in her life, and not superficially stay connected via non specific status updates and posts. She posts regularly on Google+ and in the time since she left Facebook, indeed we have found so many fun facts we never learned about one another in 2+ years of being "connected" on Facebook.

Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of leaving Facebook, and I do find fun and enjoyable interactions there daily. I do keep in touch with some of my friends, especially long distance ones in a way that I couldn't easily otherwise. 

But I have been reminded, at the volume of 11 (I'm entertained by the Spinal Tap reference and hope some of you get it), that we need to be actually connected with our friends and loved ones. We need to stay engaged and learn about the things going on in their lives. Even if you may feel that nothing has changed in your life recently, if you feel that the answer to the "So what's new with you?" question is "same old same old", ask your friends. 

And most importantly ... listen to the answer.

My husband and I, over the holiday season, engaged in 2 separate very embarrassing conversations, and nearly a 3rd, where we asked a question that led to a horribly uncomfortable conversation that started with the other person saying "Oh, I guess you hadn't heard...".

My goal for 2013 and beyond is to avoid those awkward conversations by caring about the goings on in my friend's and families lives, by asking "Hey, how's it going?" regularly, and by making every effort to actually get together face to face or over the phone or video conference to connect real time.

What do you think? Would your happiness level increase through these conversations? Would that of your friends and loved ones? I believe so!

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please share in the comment below.