Things to do, places to be and an attitude adjustment

This week I had to give myself a serious attitude adjustment. I had fallen into that trap that happens this time of year, as we get closer to the holiday and my list of things to do stays the same, but my list of social obligations grows. 

This weekend is my baking weekend. For me, this is a fairly good sized task Sneek a peek at the madness. I typically spend one day from roughly 9am to midnight and then a second day nearly as long. This weekend, we have social obligations Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday evening. 

We were planning to swap one Saturday evening obligation for another when we got word that Mike's family was coming in from out of town, as we haven't seen them in several years. Then we got word that the family gathering was to be at 4pm more than an hour away. 

All I could think of was how it affected my baking schedule, and began to fret about how I would get everything done. I had a great deal of trouble sleeping as I worried and worried. 

Thankfully, a night's sleep gave me an attitude adjustment. What is important is spending time with family and loved ones. The lists of things will or won't get done, and everyone will certainly understand. 

So, I told Mike today that we need to attend our original Saturday night engagement after our family gathering and I'll figure out the baking the best I can, but if we have the good fortune to have friends, family and loved ones that are near by, who invite us to gather and celebrate, and we have the most exceptional fortune to have my pilot husband home to attend said gatherings, we need to remember what is important. 

So, today's advise is: your friends and loved ones will care less about what they received as a gift, or how many, or whether your bannister has the perfect amount of garland on it than they will about the memories you share as you come together this holiday season. If given the choice between completing tasks and joining with friends and loved ones, please choose the loved ones. You may make a memory of a life time.
 

Girlfriend Guilt

If you are anything like me, you have a list of girlfriends, or other favorite people in your life that you are always promising to get together with. Do these comments sound familiar?

It's been too long, we need to get together.

As soon as (insert child's sport) season is over, we need to go get coffee.

Let's do lunch after (insert current life event).

So week after week and month after month, time expands and you still haven't kept that promise you made to someone in your life you truly care about and really enjoy spending time with. 

And it's a catch 22. You feel guilty because you haven't kept your commitment, and you feel guilty, as if it's self-indulgent, to take the time to keep the commitment. You can't win. 

And now the holidays are here, and that guilt feels more present than ever. This is the time of year to connect with those you don't see often. Now you add a layer of social expectation to your guilt cycle. 

And to top it all off, you have a boat load of extra things on your list to get done.

But what if that's the answer, not another problem?

Guess what? 

All of your girlfriends and favorite people have a boat load of extra things on their list to get done too! 

What if you did some of them together? 

• Knock out the last of your holiday shopping together
• Have a cookie baking day
• Make holiday party appetizers or hors d'oeuvres that can be frozen and reheated
• Go to drop off your holiday donations together
• Do a kid watching swap and steal 15-30 minutes to visit at drop off/pick up
• My personal favorite, and something I have done with my girlfriends in the past, a gift wrapping party - everyone has a bunch of gifts to wrap - get together at 1 person's house and visit and catch up while you get your wrapping done

These are just a few suggestions, but you can apply this to anything you have on your list. And it's not just something you can do during the holidays, any time of year you can call your girlfriend and see if she needs or wants to do one of the things on your to-do list that week. It's more fun to do together too!

That is good self-care! Getting stuff crossed off your list, banishing the guilt around keeping our commitments to our very favorite people, and the best part, actually getting to see and spend time with them!

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
 
 
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Stop and smell the Christmas Spirit

I look at my schedule for December filled with gatherings and get togethers, fun and festivities, and I think to myself, "This is my favorite holiday!" 


In Chicago, we have been having some seriously crazy weather, and we're enjoying it, but it's a little weird. On Sunday, leaving a party, I said to my hostess - Christmas music and air conditioning, it just doesn't seem right!

As I look forward to this month of caring and sharing, rejoicing and reconnecting, I am reminded of some advice I got when I was planning my wedding many years ago. 

Pay attention and enjoy the planning. The day comes and goes so fast it's like a blur. Relish every moment of the preparation.

I was thankful I followed that advice as we took a full year to plan our wedding, and true to the predictions, the day was so fast. I captured moments and committed them to memory. Thank goodness for wonderful friends with cameras that captured great moments as well.

I find we do much the same in preparation for the holidays. We make plans for a big party, or our family gathering. There's the shopping and the decorating and the wrapping and the baking. All in a rush looking at the deadline on the clock. Then December 26th arrives and the presents are gone and many start taking down the decorations and the melancholy creeps in. 

As you are making your lists and checking them twice this holiday season, take some time to stop and embrace the magic. Go ice skating, walk down your favorite city street and look at the lights, enjoy a mug of cocoa, mulled cider or egg nog. 

You'll be happy you did! 

Share what magic you plan to take a moment to enjoy this year!  

Hey! I'm going to be on the radio! LIVE on Wednesday, December 12th @ 7:00 PM CST at www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
You can listen live, via replay, see the schedule and download the Smartphone app at: www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
 
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Routine

I felt so proud of myself this weekend. 

Has anyone else bought those 4 step face care systems but almost never do all 4 steps? You know you should, you understand the steps and why they work. In my case, the system corrected my adult onset acne, so I totally get it, but in the frenzy of my morning and evening routines, I convince myself that I can't spare the 1 or 2 minutes it would take to complete "the whole thing" which I think I imagine to be like an hour in my mind. You have to wash, exfoliate, tone, spot treat and hydrate, and then there's the mask! Heck, half the time, I take my eye makeup off, but don't even manage to wash the rest of the makeup off. It's such a small thing, such a minute amount of time, but I manage to make myself believe that I can't spare even that. 

But this Saturday, I held myself to my commitment to myself. I worked out, and I did my whole face care routine in the morning. It took less than 5 minutes. I didn't manage to do it in the evening as well, but I added it to 1 routine and it made me feel GREAT!

It's funny how we can make excuses not to do the things we know we should do for ourselves, for our health and well being, even when they are small. We aren't really saving that much time for other activities, but we think we are.

But here's the cool thing... once you make these tiny adjustments and add them to your routine, you start taking better care of yourself without the herculean effort you think it requires. 

You wouldn't think of waking up or going to bed without brushing your teeth, right? It's just routine.

Sorry, had to throw in a bit of a chuckle there :) 
 
Choose something tiny, miniscule that you know you should be doing to take care of yourself. Something you've been meaning and meaning and meaning to do, but keep finding reasons not to. Add it to 1 of your daily routines. Remember, it takes 30 days to make a habit, so do it for 30 days, and see the difference it makes!

I'd love to hear the item you are going to add!

Hey! I'm going to be on the radio! LIVE on Wednesday, December 12th @ 7:00 PM CST at www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
You can listen live, via replay, see the schedule and download the Smartphone app at: www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
 
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Altruism, giving, self care?

If you've been reading for some time, you may find yourself surprised by today's post. I often write about how we as women are drained and stressed out and overwhelmed by constantly taking care of all those around us. So, it may seem strange that today I am going to recommend volunteering your time to give care to those less fortunate.

But hear me out. I don't know if this is as true for all of you as it is for me, but I have a running list of things I want to do because I simply want to do them, it can be because I have an interest, because I think they will make me feel good, because I want to learn about them, or because I think they are just plain cool. 

Things like...

• Martial Arts
• Competitive Agility trials with my dog
• Kayaking or canoeing
• Making my own wine

Some things on my list I've recently actually done...

• Making my own home brewed beer
• Completing a triathlon
• Completing the Chicago Marathon

These lists go on and on. I'm sure you catch my drift. One of the things that is regularly on my list is volunteering more. But I never find the time to look into the organizations, or the time commitment does not fit my schedule, or the location or whatever. 

I'm sure many of us have heard that there is no such thing as true altruism as whenever you give to another, you get back something in return, even if it just the feeling of warmth or accomplishment or joy at seeing another's burden's lessened or heart lifted.

At this time of year, with the holidays in the air, there is no shortage of opportunities to volunteer, and organizations are openly and actively looking for assistance. Toy drives, coat drives, food drives, soup kitchens, veterans assistance, pack and send supplies or gifts to the troops currently deployed, if you live near a base, there are programs where you can invite a soldier to your home for a holiday meal, you can even visit an elder care facility and simply spend time visiting with some of the residents who don't have family that visit very often.

The different ways you can give back are limitless and the effort to find them now is minimal. You can even include the whole family and share this experience of giving and receiving with your children.

You'll find, that you get to check something off of that list of yours that you never get to AND you'll find yourself feeling warm, wonderful, and filled with joy and love.

And isn't that the whole point of self care after all?

Holiday Stress

The holidays bring with them joy, celebration and connection. They also bring their own brand of stress.
Some stresses that are common during the holidays

• Travel
• Entertaining
• House guests
• Grief over lost loved ones

 
I know in my house, I host Thanksgiving, which I love - well, I love the cooking and food preparation part. I also love selecting the fragrances of candles which I will burn and which decorative holders to display. I don't love the cleaning, neither my husband nor I do. We procrastinate and procrastinate and always end up running around like crazy at the last minute trying to make the house look as presentable as possible. Lucky for us, we're not keeping house guests, so we don't have that to add.

My sister generally travels for the holidays, she'll be coming home for Christmas, not Thanksgiving this year, but I know for her, that is extremely stressful.

And for our family, as well as many others, the holidays are a time when we fondly remember past family gatherings and miss those family members who are no longer with us. For some this stress is greater than others. My Aunt lost her husband and both her parents within a year, and the holidays are particularly acute for her.

So, while you are dressing your home, preparing to travel or perhaps readying yourself to attend a holiday meal with some family members who rub you the wrong way, be sure to take some time out to take a bit of care of yourself to maintain your sanity. 

 

Take a nap, take a bath, put on your headphones and listen to some great music, throw a great comedy into the DVD player, just do something that makes you feel good, and do it often.

Happiness is a Choice

Sometimes self-care means looking out for number one. Not in a conniving, unscrupulous manner where you hurt or use others, or succeed at anther's expense. But in a way that accepts that you are responsible for your own happiness. The serenity prayer helps to illustrate my point.

What I'm talking about today is "the courage to change the things I can".

Recently, I was in a position at my day job that was less than optimal. If I'm frank, it was downright hostile. My husband stated it very well, 

Some people, when they get into situations that they do not like - like a crappy boss, do nothing but bitch about it. When Shannon gets into one of those situations, she always does something to make the situation better. If the first thing doesn't work, she keeps trying. In the current situation, she not only got out from under the crappy boss, but she actually got a better job with more pay!

Happiness is a choice.

It's not generally easy to stand up for yourself, take a risk and make a change. But, as I often say, life is too short to wait to be happy. And no one is going to change your situation for you. If you are not willing to stand up for you, who will?

So often, people tolerate bad situations because it's easier to do nothing than to do something. But, think about what you are doing to yourself. Think about what your life would be like if you were brave enough to make a change.

Life is short.

Life is supposed to be good and happy EVERY DAY. 

If you are waking up in the morning, dreading your day, what can you do to change it? 

You absolutely deserve it.  

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Is that my Mom?

Growing up, we all had rules, right? You had to do the hard or unpleasant stuff to get the good stuff.

Eat your vegetables, then you can have dessert

Do your chores, then you can have your allowance

Finish your homework, then you can go out and play

As an adult, don't you still hear your mom's voice sometimes when you break the rules? When you think of having a nibble of chocolate before dinner? When you think of sitting down to catch your favorite show in the middle of your weekly cleaning? When your girlfriend calls to ask you to lunch but you have a to-do list a mile long? 

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to grow up so you could make your OWN rules? It happened! You're a grown up. You can make your own rules. You can have dessert first if you like. You can set aside your cleaning and watch your favorite show or go for a walk. You can meet your girlfriend for cocktails, coffee or lunch no matter what's on your list.

When you hear your Mom's voice in your head, gently remind her that in your house, you get to make the rules. If your Mom was anything like mine, she even told you that, remember? 

Make new rules! Treat yourself! Grab a glass of wine, or whatever your favorite beverage is and give yourself 30 minutes tonight even if you don't have all your chores done and find out how you can get refreshed and reduce your stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Indulgence

When you hear the word indulgence, you may picture some over privileged, vapid starlet like a Paris Hilton or a Snooki running amok or enjoying excessive luxuries. 

Small, sweet, simple indulgence can be a spectacular way to practice self care.
It can be a physical treat, I have discovered the most remarkable coffee called Highlander Grog that has a hint of butterscotch flavor. It feels sinful but it's just black coffee. I allow myself to sip my second cup in the morning slowly while I watch my dog romp in the yard. 

Something small but wonderful like a square of deep dark chocolate.

 


 It can be an activity, I invite you to check out this great little book: An Indulgence a Day: 365 Simple Ways to Spoil Yourself by Andrea Norville & Patrick Menton

Swing on a swing, make a snow angel

 


It can be going back to your High School days, and getting a flavored lip gloss in a color that compliments your favorite lipstick.

Indulgence can be a small gift you give yourself to make you feel good, feel special, feel loved. And THAT is self-care!

Indulge yourself! Mark your calendars, grab a cocktail and give yourself 30 minutes to earn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Self care doesn't have to be hard...

It can be soft, really soft 

Did you get your hug today?

You've heard you are supposed to be practicing self-care, right? And sometimes it feels like just one more thing to add to your to-do list rather than something to actually reduce your stress level, right?

It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be difficult. It can be short, it can be simple. It can be a hug.

Hugging is a great self-care ritual.

"We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”  Virginia Satir

Recent medical research at University of North Carolina found that both blood pressure and levels of Cortisol, the hormone produced when we’re under stress, were significantly lowered (particularly in women) when subjects hugged their partners for at least twenty seconds.

A 20 second hug is the optimal length - it is just long enough to trigger the release of oxytocin -- the "love drug"

Practice some great self-care today and help a friend do the same - hug someone!

Leading up to my upcoming webinar, I'm sending out daily mini self-care stress relief tidbits. Catch them on my Facebook page or on twitter.

Mark your calendar! Tuesday, November 13, 7:00 PM
Learn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Expectations, disappointment, and you

Have you ever found yourself in a place of excited anticipation? Where an opportunity is on the horizon, and it will be a game changer for you in one way or another? You see the possibilities lining up before you and you can picture all the great changes that will come to you as a result. You see the changes you will make as a result. It's exhilarating, the hope is wondrous, the vision is palpable. It's fun to envision this new reality.
 
And sometimes, the opportunity doesn't work out. And the more you let yourself envision it, the more disappointed you are. 

So, while you are in that place, in those long moments of anticipation, you feel the stress, the anxiety of trying to manage your expectations while remaining hopeful and holding your future vision. It's a bit like walking a tightrope.

I have found myself in this place this past month, and am in the midst of yet another opportunity blossoming. This past month, I had 3 new team members all excited to get started. One worked out. I completely let myself fall head over heels into hope. Didn't consider for a moment the very real possibility that things change, hiccups happen and life can surprise anyone at any time. Naughty me! As a result, I was very bitterly disappointed at month end to not hit my goal.

A few good lessons learned:

• Even if it looks like you are going to hit your goal, keep pushing, anything can happen and what if you exceed it?  
• Nothing is final until it is final. Life changes every day, in ways we can never anticipate.
• Stay focused on your vision, your final outcome, but loosen your hold on the specifics.

So now, as I eagerly await the outcome of this next big opportunity. I am actively trying to manage my expectations. It's tough. I find my imagination running away, painting pretty pictures in my head, which seems to lead to random humming and chair dancing.

So, my final lesson for the week, as I remain hopeful but try to manage my enthusiasm and keep my cart behind my horse, is to keep thinking about Plan B. Remembering that it is Plan B, it is "just in case" Plan A doesn't work out, but it is there and ready. 

How about you? How do you manage your expectations, and the anxiety that comes with it? 

Learn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar
http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=E950DC8282473F


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Sometimes life is Spartan Tough

Last weekend, I completed the Super Spartan obstacle mud run. I definitely under estimated the level of hard core that they would bring to this course. As an endurance athlete, I've completed 4 half marathons, a 10K, 2 marathons, and a triathlon. I've done the Warrior Dash (another obstacle race) twice previously and I knew I would be under trained, but I had NO IDEA! 

 

At the half way point, I reached the first obstacle that my wonderful spectating husband could see me at. He asked how I was doing, and dutifully snapped a few pics. I told him, this may be the first race I DNF (did not finish). I had no idea what I was in for. The second half was far worse than the first and he was there for the last half dozen or so obstacles and sets of burpees - ugh! But I did finish, I didn't give up. Thank goodness for the awesome nature of the other athletes on these types of courses, everyone helps each other. Being 5' 3 1/2" , there was a lot I really couldn't do on my own, no one hesitated to give me a boost or an arm up. This is me coming back down an 8' wall.

Sometimes, life is just like that. You think you know what you're in for, you may even realize you're not quite prepared, but you think you at least know what to expect. You may have to climb an obstacle that is much taller than you first realized...

 You may get stuck and feel like you keep slipping backwards, like you'll never make it out. 






But whether you realize it at first or not, there are always people around to help you. You just have to be willing to accept the help offered to you. As long as you don't give up, you will prevail over whatever life throws at you.

And, when I finally got home, I was happy I knew the formula to create the most soothing relaxing bath EVER even though that is not a normal treat for me. Our tub is small and not very deep. I brought in our little step stool to serve as my bath-side table, the book I'm currently reading and a cold bottle of my recently completed home brewed milk stout. Aaaaaaahhhhhh



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Some days are not OK

As you go through the course of your day, you are bound to encounter stress, frustration, sometimes anger, even sadness or downright despair.

You could be in a situation like I wrote about last week where you are experiencing a hostile environment either personally or professionally. You could be in a stressful job. You could just be a normal person going through a normal day where things just don't always go as planned.

And, those that know me well may be surprised to hear me say - yep, that's going to happen. Despite all the tips and tidbits I share, even if you follow the best self-care rituals on the planet, these things are going to happen. Anyone remember this scene from Forget Paris?

As I go through my day, I pass people, or connect with them over the phone, and invariably the "how are you?" question comes up. It's pretty unusual for me to respond with anything but one of my characteristic superlative replies - it seems "Fabulous" is the most common. - Right Brian Kucharski? Very often, the next thing I hear is "you're always great" or "you're always fabulous".

You know what, I am most of the time. Not always. That would be impossible unless I was really, clinically insane. (I'll never deny being a little crazy - maybe more than a little. haha) But we all have those moments, and  you know what? 

It's totally OK.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Sometimes you’ll get down, really down. Sometimes you’ll get hurt, crushed. Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed. What you resist, persists. So don’t resist. The sooner you get it all out the sooner you can move on. Now, that does NOT mean wallow, but deal with it. Finding your happiness is not about suppressing emotions, or neglecting to deal with them. It's about working through or seeing past them. And some are most assuredly more difficult than others.

One thing I do find very helpful is placing happiness triggers. 

See this little smiley face koosh dude? 

I've had him on my cube wall at my day j.o.b. for a while but recently decided to move him where he is in my sight line. He definitely brings a smile when I glance down and see him cheerfully smiling at me.

Photos, I have some photos of our trip to Barcelona, Spain above my computer monitor.

Sound, pick a great short sound byte or ring tone and set an alarm on your phone. You'll be energized by the great sound, and you can even use that as a reminder to take a breath or maybe take a break and a walk around.



Scent. Fragrance is our sense tied most closely to memory. Tuck a handkerchief in your purse sprayed with your husband's cologne. Or your baby's shampoo.

Energy boosters. Make a list of small, five to 10 minute acts that make you feel better. This is hard for many women, so don’t be afraid to start small.

Above and beyond the Happiness triggers, do one thing for yourself every day. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but it has to be JUST for you. It may be giving yourself a pedicure or giving yourself permission to say “no”. It may be flowers on your desk. Give yourself permission for indulgence. Every day.

Love your imperfections. They are a key ingredient that goes into making you you. Laugh at yourself.
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Playing Hooky

Did you ever play hooky in school? Maybe it was senior skip day, or maybe you snuck out before last period one day. 

It's kind of an exhilarating feeling. This feeling of hard won freedom, though in truth, you didn't work hard to earn it, you took a risk, right? And your reward is some time, an hour, an afternoon, or a day doing something you really enjoy, feeling rejuvenated and this fun sense of invigoration.

I got to thinking about this today as it relates to what I do. I help women play hooky from their to-do lists.
Very often, when I get together with a group of women, I start out by asking them what they would be doing if they weren't there, enjoying some wine, women and wax. Typically, the answers are somewhere in the range of housework, homework, yard work or errands. We all proceed to thank the fabulous lady who is hosting the gathering that evening for getting us out of all of that!

Most women I know, are overworked, overwhelmed or under appreciated (sometimes all of the above).
We run from one thing to the next, always scanning the next 5 things on our to do list. If we're not working, we're taking care of the kids, or our parents, or our significant others, or a friend or family member in crisis. If we're not actively caring for another human being, we're chauffeuring the kids to or from an event, or running errands, or volunteering, or participating in the PTA or other committee. If we're not running around, we're doing housework, laundry, or homework.

When do we get time for US? How many of you find yourself moving your personal to-dos from this week's list to next week's list? Hair or nail appointments, exercise programs or plans, lunch or coffee with your girlfriend?

So how about it? How would you like to play hooky for a couple of hours? 


What would you do?



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Play Dates

Friday is here and we are enjoying another blustery and overcast Autumn day. I, personally am looking forward to my girlfriend's annual pumpkin carving party. We're adding a fun twist this year and having a chili cook off as well to show off and share our favorite chili recipes. 

My girlfriend's Friday nights are a glorious reminder of the value of coming together with friends. At the end of a work week, for us, the end of a windy and rainy week, it is such an opportunity to refill and refresh in the company of great friends with lots of laughter and camaraderie.

This time of year, as the weather turns cooler, and we are tempted to begin our hibernation, it is a great time for gathering with friends and enjoying that togetherness. Know that every time you take time to gather with friends, you are supporting one another in more ways than on the surface. Catching up on one another's lives not only keeps you connected, which is huge in the realm of stress relief, but it also allows you to support one another without even knowing it sometimes. 

As grown ups, it's so good for us to just go out and play every so often. Spend some time of pure relaxation, you let your kids go out and play when their homework is done, why don't you?

What are you doing this weekend to go out and play?     

Dealing with Hostility

Most of the time, when I write to you about stress relief and self care, I talk about the effects of stress and the consequences of not managing it, and I talk about stress in a very general way.

Similar to last week's topic, today I write to you about a specific stress source.

Dealing with Hostility



 
You may experience this from a job with a boss or coworker, you may experience this through a family member, you may experience this through a social acquaintance. In any of these scenarios, you are unable to simply extract yourself from the hostile environment, at least in the short term. 




**Please note, when I reference a family member, I am NOT referring to any incidents of physical or mental abuse those are serious circumstances and I would recommend seeking out resources dedicated to that; my reference is more along the lines of overly negative or condescending family members or family members "lobbying against you" to other family members.

In the case of the job, perhaps you can find another job, and that is definitely a good route to pursue, of course this can negatively impact your own career path.

So, for the purposes of this conversation, we'll assume that you must endure this hostility on a regular basis. It may ebb and flow, but in general it is a constant. Again in the case of the workplace, one may recommend talking with HR or other management personnel, but anyone who has spent any time in corporate America knows this invariably ends up hurting you more in the long run.

Bullying is a hot topic today in the media. There have been numerous stories in the media and I've seen graphics and notes trending on social media as well. While I completely believe that as an adult, especially as a woman, you should absolutely stand up for yourself, I also see the negative consequences of that action in these situations.

A few important things to keep in mind if you are in this situation

Stand your ground but pick your battles - While it is important to stand up for yourself, sometimes it only escalates the hostility. When the aggressor comes at you, respond rationally - keep your emotions out of the response entirely - and respond with only pertinent facts.

Remember that you can only affect you. You can't change another person, so don't let them change you. This is a hard one, especially when you're in the "throws of battle". Sometimes you may find yourself thinking unsavory thoughts, or even saying unkind things. This may serve a momentary purpose of blowing off some steam, but in the long run, it chips away at the awesomeness that is you. Don't let them win by making you be a person you'd ever be ashamed of. I saw a great quote yesterday

If you knew for absolute certain, that every little thing you did today would later be scrutinized, literally moment by moment, by a future you, and future friends, as well as anyone else interested, and you'd all be looking for a number of qualities, especially patience, kindness, and love, during this game of games and test of tests called life, how might you treat the very next person you see after reading this Note?

I find that it is easiest for me if I can find a story to believe that changes my anger to pity for the other person. For example, a person may do or say bad things, but maybe they don't know any better or maybe they lack the ability to control their words and actions. Perhaps they are so insecure that the only way they see to improve their self image is to tear down others around them.

Believe in Karma - keep being the best you that you can be in the face of the aggressor. Show up each day undaunted and untainted. Let the aggressor build their own pyre.

Kill them with kindness - Now, you can't just spend all day lathering on the wax so you can be the duck and let it all roll off your back without it affecting you. And don't misunderstand me, I'm not necessarily advocating making friends or "making nice" with the aggressor. But be the better person, don't just act like the better person, actually be the better person.

Breathe - when you feel overwhelmed, take a break, take a walk, excuse yourself to the washroom if you need to, go get a cup of coffee or tea or wine. Find a something that is a real treat for yourself - I have a Coconut Rum flavored Green Tea that I am LOVING right now.

Detox - Make sure you maximize time spent away from the toxic environment. Try not to dwell, it's tough, but the more you can put it out of your mind, the less they "win". If it is a work environment, take your lunch away from the office. If it is a family member or social acquaintance, create a soothing drive home routine. And once you get home, spend a little time in your favorite personal space taking care of you. You won't have time to soak in the tub for an hour each night, but you can lock the bathroom door, light a candle and steam your face in the sink or apply a 5 minute masque, or sit on your back deck or in front of your fire with a glass of wine for 5 minutes.

Sometimes toxic people exist in our lives, and some of them even actively, openly and aggressivly attack us with hostitily. When we let that change us is when they win.

Be awesome in spite of them.