Trials and Tribulations

Business ebbs and flows. As an employee, that doesn't matter so much to you, unless or until it results in job instability or loss. As an entrepreneur, it matters, as a solopreneur, it matters a lot. 

The business model I'm in is direct sales. It's an awesome business model! But the ebb and flow can be painful. Because we work one on one with our customers, the ebb can feel personal. 

We are trained, with the business comes cancellations and postponements. It's just part of the business, expect them. We are also trained that it is a numbers game, and we understand that cognitively. But, emotionally, well that's another story. 

I'll share what happens to me, it's a cycle I'm working hard to break, and sharing this with all of you is part of how I hope to break the cycle for myself and perhaps help someone else who falls into the same cycle. If no more than to let them know it's not just them.

I'll get into a state of flow. My numbers may not be multiplying, but I'll get in a grove where my actions are in flow and the results I see from those actions start to flow as well. I'll fill my calendar with appointments, feeling good about all the work I put in. 

Then, it happens. Those "to be expected" cancellations and postponements. 

Now that comfy cushy pad of appointments I had set on my calendar starts to grow sparse. Even though I've been told to expect it, even though I've experienced it before, the truth is, it hurts my feelings. I know it shouldn't. But it does. In a business where I work one on one with my customers, I feel like I've been duped, misled, let down. It's not true, it's not rational, but it's how I feel at these times.

Then it becomes a snowball. The hurt turns to frustration and sometimes even anger. Why bother to work so hard to fill my calendar with appointments, when it is all for naught in the end. I become quietly, secretly despondent. On the outside, I look the same. I do some of the same activities, mostly the busywork ones. I tell myself I'm still doing what needs to be done, but not exerting any grand effort. And then the situation simply persists. 

Then the flow will start again, slowly but it doesn't take much. The flow is the juice, it is energy, it fuels. When things are moving forward, it's easy to do the things to keep moving forward, to keep growing. 

Until the next ebb. And they can come at any time, they can come at a time of great flow. In the direct sales model, I've had it when I experience a huge surge in team growth. A great number of my super hosts decide to join my team! Woo Hoo! Just exactly what we want! Except, then all the appointments I have filled my calendar with from their circles transfer to them, leaving holes. 

So, the pat industry answer is to plan for these and over book your calendar and make sure to be expanding in multiple circles all the time. But the truth is that simply isn't always what happens. You can't or simply don't always plan for these things. 

So, where is the self-care lesson in all of this? What do you do when the ebb comes? 

I'm talking about my business, but this can be applied to loads of areas in your life that go swimmingly well for a time then fall off leaving you feeling at a loss. 

Here's my plan: 

1. Acknowledge the hurt. You're allowed to be hurt, even it it's irrational. NOT to your customers, obviously. But to yourself. You can journal about it, meditate, call your best friend to talk it out, sit and have a good cry if you need to. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to wallow. This is a short term expression of the feelings you have.
2. Remind yourself that it is not the end of the world, because it's not. You know these things happened, have happened before and will happen again. And you've seen the other side of them always. The other side is coming.  
3. Make a list of 3 great things happening at this instant in this area.
4. Come up with 1 crazy idea to try to change it right now.
5. Step away for a minute to regroup and collect yourself. This is a great time to do something wonderful for yourself as a special treat. A massage, a great cup of tea or glass of wine, a walk, an intense workout. *** NOTE *** this is not permission to give up for a prolonged period of time. Like step 1, this is a quick break to allow you to come back energized.
6. Do at least 1 ACTIVE thing every day for a week to grow and support this area. You can't count the passive or neutral tasks you do as part of your normal activities.
7. Applaud yourself each day for doing this thing, and take notice of what starts to show up.

You will find that the flow starts again. It may seem like it's magical, it may come from areas not directly related to the actions you take. But things will start to flow, just like they are supposed to. 

I'd love to hear if this is something that you struggle with too. Please share your thoughts in the comments. And, if this plan helps you, I'd really love to hear about that as well!

 

Love is...

Valentine's Day ...

The day of the year, I feel sorry for all the men in the world. My husband and I don't "believe in" or "practice" Valentine's Day. He tells me he loves me all the time and I tell him I love him all the time. We do nice things for one another regularly, because that's what you do. At least that's what we think.

I generally eschew the day feeling that it is a day where many men are left to unrealistic expectations and despite their best intentions, they can end up accused of doing it wrong. 

However, this morning, a wonderful friend of mine, a friend who tragically and unexpectedly lost her husband last year, posted a short article and I found something I can support as a Valentine's Day ideal. 

...channel the true power of this very important day. It's the day of love, and there's nothing more important all year. So, use it to give love, show gratitude and appreciation to all those people who've touched your life this year -- whether it's giving them a gift, a hug or a simple call. Bring flowers to your perpetually single best friend, call your grandparent you've been meaning to talk to, make some homemade soup or cookies for that person who did you that big favor this year. Honestly, it will make you feel incredible! And that's really what the day is about: spreading love, being of service, expressing your positive emotions and feeling good...

I spent the weekend in Arizona visiting my parents. It was nice to see them, catch up, meet their new friends, and... oh yeah ... get spoiled rotten. Tragically, the day after I returned home, I got news that a friend of my mom's who I've known as long as I can remember, suddenly and tragically passed away. I don't know how or what happened, I know she was invited to lunch with us during my visit and had other plans. You just never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't wait until a special occasion to tell people what they mean to you. 

I write often about self-care and indirectly self-love. Today, I embrace the idea shared in that article. Make Valentine's Day a day of love. Not just for that person you share every morning and evening with - for that person deserves to hear and receive demonstration of your feelings every week, if not every day. For sharing love with some who perhaps don't have a special someone, or who are alone or far away. My girlfriend is celebrating this day of love by loving on her kids, and sending some flowers to a local hospice home in her late husband's name. It's late for this year, but how about making some Valentine's for the troops? Not about "being mine" or "kiss me" but about "you are appreciated".

And here's the super secret surprise... it is a GREAT form of self-care after all. You'll be amazed how wonderful you feel when you spread general love and positive emotions. 

and by the way, don't let it end with this one day ... you can do this any old day of the year you choose. Feeling down? Make some Valentine's Day card and take them to a retirement home. Send flowers to a local hospice home, or your receptionist. You'll feel amazing!!!

Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html     

 

Let go of the guilt and GLOW

I love what I do. I mean, I really love what I do.

This week, I had a phenomenal experience at one of my parties. My spectacular chiropractor and hostess set up the night with whimsy, she told all the ladies they were coming to a night of Wine Women & Wax. A couple of them thought we were having a night with wine and hair removal. We had wine, and snacks and pizza. The ladies connected and visited and rejoiced that we were in a room filled with peace and candlelight on a cold, snowy and blustery January night in Chicagoland. 

I began the night like I almost always do, sharing that I believe they did not come out to listen to me talk, but to talk to one another. I shared all the great specials they can take advantage of so they can get the best deal on their shopping, a quick and fun pass the gift game, and a couple quick tidbits.

• Consider creating a space just for you in your home where you can regroup, unwind and recharge at the end of the day.
• When women get together they physically produce more of a chemical oxytocin which reduces stress.
• They are all getting important anti-oxidants by sharing that glass of wine.

As the evening wound down, I received the most wonderful compliments that the ladies were so impressed with my "presentation" and that they really enjoyed connecting with one another, and had never been to another "home party" that gave them that opportunity. And I noted that another amazing thing that happens when women get together, is that we build each other up. We support one another, we comfort one another, we encourage one another, we exchange advice, we commiserate by sharing similar experiences and the compliments flow. 

How often do you get compliments every day?

Ladies, we spend so much of our lives caring for all those around us. You know you do. And you know you should be taking care of yourself better, you know that "self care stuff" is something you should be doing, but because it's for you, you never get to it. And why is it that this falls off of your list every week? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

Add to this, every time you chat with your girlfriend - sometimes via text or facebook message - you promise that you have to get together sometime soon, it's been too long. We can't let it go this long again. And the exact same thing happens. You never get to it. And why? 

Because you feel guilty doing for yourself.

But this time, the guilt is a double whammy - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because you feel guilty to "do for yourself" by making the time to spend with your girlfriend or you feel guilty for not keeping your promise to your girlfriend.

How can you win?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You need to take your self-care seriously. I have been thrilled to watch the "extreme self care" practice of Kelly O'Neil as she prepared for her amazing women's leadership conference. 

Take a stand for yourself. If your doctor said you had to make an appointment, you would. This is critical to your mental and physical well being. Say no to the guilt. Make a date with your favorite girls. Luxuriate in one another's company. Notice the glow each and every one of you has after spending time together.       

   
Grab some more great and easy tips for your guilt-free self care in my free report: http://www.winewomenandwax.biz/StressRelief.html