Each day is more precious than we know

 Today is a perfect day to be happy.
Every day is a perfect day to be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 I talk often about seizing the day and finding ways to manage your stress and find your happiness each day. I do believe with all of my heart that this is my mission and my message. The road that my husband and I traveled when he was laid off and changed careers led me there.

This week I was reminded how precious and fleeting each day can be. A dear friend lost her home in a sudden fire. Thankfully, they are all safe, but they lost absolutely everything. This message is not about things, your home or your property, although I am more profoundly grateful for the home I have than ever before. I find myself far less worried about the things that aren't perfect and the projects that aren't finished.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Today is all we have. And it is our duty to find joy in the day. I am watching my friend in the wake of this enormous tragedy and she is beyond an inspiration to me. She is definitely in shock, she has definitely cried her share of tears. But with nothing but the clothes on her back, she is joyously approaching each day.
 

This is a picture of her and 2 of her children taking a break for some fun while shopping for necessities. 

A quote from her "Oh my gosh. I can't even read my facebook without crying tears of gratitude. The overwhelming support to my family has literally caused me the greatest emotions I have ever felt. The loss of our stuff has become one of the greatest blesings to our souls. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"

Ladies, we are much worse about this than the men, and the kicker is ... we also have the bonus of GUILT.
How many times in the past year have you promised to get together with your girlfriends? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?
How many times have you promised yourself that you would schedule some "you" time? How many times have you done it? When was the last time?

Time is precious. Time is fleeting. Just look at your kids to be reminded how fast it goes.
You tell yourself - oh I'll have time for that when the kids are in school, or off to college, or finally out of the house
or - we'll have time to take that vacation when we retire.

You can't put your happiness on hold. Tomorrow is guaranteed for no one.

Be thankful today.

Be happy today.

Share that happiness with everyone you see. You just don't know the impact it may have.

P.S. if you are a hot sauce lover, Steve Ozbolt from Emerald City Catering is having a "Fire Sale". Anyone who orders a 3pk of his Big Boss BBQ sauce (any flavor) will receive a complimentary bottle of Fire Sauce and all proceeds will go to the Jones family. The offer ends on Oct 1st, so don't delay. Be sure to tell them that you are ordering for the Jones fire fund on checkout.

How to relax at home

You make it home at the end of the day, physically worn out and mentally exhausted.
You have to figure out what's for dinner, prepare it and clean up afterward. And you still have an entire day's worth of activities yet to complete. 

If you're a mom, there's practice, recitals, games, homework, and more. 

If you're a wife, your husband always needs help preparing for a trip, meeting, or just getting to the office tomorrow. 

Pets need to be fed, dogs need to be walked, litter boxes, hamster/gerbil/lizard cages and fish tanks need to be cleaned. And none of this even includes the daily tasks associated with running your household. These are just the things you do to take care of everyone around you.

By the time you get ready for bed at the end of the day, you realize you haven't spent one moment thinking about yourself. That exercise routine you've been meaning to start, that will have to wait another week. Getting your nails done, or hair trimmed, maybe you can make that appointment next week.

You probably can't even remember the last time you had a glass of wine or a cup of coffee with your best girlfriend.

So what's the solution? Creating a space where you can relax after work. 

Women, especially, need a place in their home that is just for them. Whether it is a bedroom or bathroom sanctuary, or a quiet corner of a living room with a comfy chair and a book-stand. Or a beautiful backyard deck, patio, swing or hammock. 

Women need to allow themselves that special place where they can unwind and recharge. It's not a luxury, it's critical to our well being and the well being of all those we care for. Though women may keep a household running and everyone else's spaces clean and functioning, we don't always have a place of our own. If your home is small or there are many living in your household, the need for your special space is even more crucial.

We need that space where we can relax, regroup and recharge so we can face the next day, or on some days, the rest of today. Our homes are the natural venues for these special sanctuaries.

We need to be able to close our doors (and lock them if we need to) and breathe a relaxing sigh. Feeling safe and comfortable in our homes or just one special room can help us cope. A place where you can relax, meditate, exercise, create, and/or pamper yourself.  We all need that place where we can just relax and allow our bodies, minds, and spirits to flourish.

Your personal sanctuary is:

your "girl cave"
your safe space
your escape
your hideaway
your me place

Your STRESS FREE ZONE

Key elements to include when designing your personal sanctuary are Fragrance, Lighting, beauty and space.

Did you know that fragrance is the one of our five senses that is most closely linked to memories? Think about what comes to mind when you smell pumpkin pie, or bonfire smoke, or fresh baked bread or cookies

Have you ever noticed that lighting is directly linked to mood? Think about how you feel when it's sunny, cloudy, you're in bright fluorescent light, you're in soft candle light.

Beauty and space create energy. Think about your energy level when you're in a cluttered area of your home like a storage area or a closet or when you're in your favorite room or looking at your favorite landscape.

For me, at this time of year, my mind drifts to a perfect outdoor escape.

The nights are getting cooler, and it's perfect for a bonfire.

The days are pleasant and you can relax on your deck, patio, swing or hammock and read or just get lost in your thoughts.

The final element for your personal sanctuary is boundaries. 

If your family isn't great at respecting yours (and most aren't so don't feel bad about this) make a sign or a door hanger. Allow your kids to do the same for a pre-defined amount of time per day or per week so they feel empowered to claim their alone time and will be less likely to intrude on yours.

Let them know that your time will not exceed (fill in the blank with your needed time - 1 hour, 2 hours, half an hour) and that they will get your full attention when that time is up. 

If you are feeling like you may burn out, it’s not your fault, but it's been long enough!
You haven’t been shown yet how easy it can be to claim your space.
You haven't been given permission to put you first, even for 2 hours.
You know you should be taking better care of yourself, but you always find yourself taking care of someone else instead. 

If you do nothing else, grab my free report and you'll also get my BONUS Report: How to create your personal sanctuary. 

If we create a space together, and you decide when it is complete that it doesn't melt your stress, you can return anything or everything for any reason at all (even "I changed my mind") for a full refund for a full year.

Click here to schedule your Wine, Women and Wax night where

• I will help you find a way to schedule self-time; only 2-3 hours, but this alone reduces stress more than you might think. 

• I will help you re-connect with your favorite friends and family. Did you know that physically getting together as women actually creates a chemical reaction in our brains and increases our serotonin levels, which both reduces stress and increases our level of happiness. 

• I will teach you how to create this personal space in your home where you can unplug, unwind and recharge, just by adding accents, lighting and fragrance. So that when your girlfriends and a bottle of wine aren't handy, you can still take that stress number down a couple notches.

Just Relax!

Is it just me, or when you are all spun up about something, or feeling excessively tense, or just completely overwhelmed and someone, a well meaning someone, tells you to "Just Relax" does it have the opposite effect?

But when you are overwhelmed, over worked and just ready to tip over the edge you need SOMETHING. And we're all tempted to do the most unhealthy things to get through. We grab a chocolate bar, or some "comfort food", maybe a big bowl of ice cream or a gooey brownie. All those things are great to indulge in once in a while, and if you've been reading me for any time, you know I'm a big promoter of doing something that truly makes you happy and even indulging every now and then. The point here is that this isn't really going to reduce your stress level, and what's worse, it will increase the dreaded guilt!

As busy business women, we are constantly juggling and trying to clear an ever filling plate. We end up in a vicious cycle that leaves us feeling guilty and isolated. We feel guilty that we don't get to the things on our plate that have been there the longest, but always seem to lose out on priority. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our family when we're working. We feel guilty that we're neglecting our work when we're with our family. We feel guilty that we haven't come up with a solution to this whole "life balance" equation yet. We feel guilty that there are people in our lives we cherish that we promise and promise to see, but that commitment just ends up being another item on our plate with a "C" priority that doesn't make the cut. And perish the thought of doing something just for you.

But that's just the thing that you need.

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University gave a lecture on the relationship between stress and disease. He said, among other things, that one of the best things a woman can do for her health is to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality girlfriend time helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings where men share activities.

Brain Chemistry information from Beverly Keyes Taylor @ www.genderbrainchemistry.com

Stress is the cause of almost all health problems, which is the direct effect of the level of cortisol released into the body during stressful times.  

The stressed man wants to withdraw and just relax, mindlessly forgetting about the stress of his day. This is a necessary action for him to rebuild the testosterone used up during the stress of the day.

The stressed woman wants to talk about her stress, as that increases her oxytocin and serotonin. As she talks to an intent and well trained listener, her levels of serotonin and oxytocin rise, and she begins to feel more relaxed. As women have more language centers in both hemispheres of the brain, she more easily articulates, communicates, and expresses her emotions and feelings.

When the stressed man is not allowed to recover his testosterone, and the stressed woman doesn’t raise her oxytocin level, their cortisol level stays high. This changes the brain chemistry, leaving them feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and even more stressed.

Not to mention, cortisol is the hormone that stores the toxins in the body. It surrounds them with water and fat, and stores them right in the mid section. Cortisol also raises the level of hypertension, coronary disease, embolisms and obesity. This vicious cycle begins with not taking care of the level of stress according to your gender. This changes the chemistry of your brain. Therefore you may notice physiological changes brought on by stress such as mood swings, irritability and depression. Physical changes such as of loss of health may follow.

So when we get together, and we talk about what's going on in our lives, we get relief. We get relief from the guilt over not keeping our commitment to see these wonderful ladies. We get relief from the feeling of isolation that we are the ONLY person going through what we're currently experiencing. We get relief from being "on-duty". We get encouragement, advice, support and strength from our community. We laugh, we reminisce, we relax. 

And our stress starts to melt away.

So the next time you hear "Just Relax" it's time to phone, text or email your favorite girlies and schedule some quality girl time.

I'm curious, when is the last time you got together with your girlfriends? What did you do?

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All work and no play...

If you recognize this image, you know what happened to Jack. 

Now, we are not in a Stephen King novel, nor are we stuck in a secluded snowed in resort in the middle of winter with supernatural forces playing against our sanity.

However, we are working women, women business owners, women entrepreneurs. When there is work to be done, we are the ones to do it, right? We have a business to run and a household to run.

Here is the danger. Real life poses a much bigger threat than any thriller novel could capture. We also have a life to run. And not just run, enjoy. 
I mean E N J O Y!!!! Savor, indulge, live, experience!!!

We only get one shot at this thing called life. This isn't a dress rehearsal.

If we stay buried in work, our life will pass by without our participation. 

I know it's not Christmas, but my mind turns to Scrooge in the Dickens novel. Through a series of life events, he chose to bury himself in his work to the neglect of all those around him. The spirits showed him that if he didn't change his ways, he would end up alone.

I am certainly not suggesting that you will end up alone, nor will you end up going insane and on a rampage like Jack in The Shining. 

But you are going to miss the best parts of life waiting for them to come. 

Work is truly important. More for women entrepreneurs than for any other segment of the working world, because we are working with a mission, a purpose. We are striving daily to bring more joy, health, freedom, and the list goes on to the world. For many, our work IS a source of joy and that is a blessing and a gift.

But this does NOT exclude you from the need to play!!!!!! 

Every day find a way to play. You don't have to take the afternoon off, but do it. 

• If you pass a park with a swing on your lunch break, take 5 minutes and soar
• If you are walking down a sidewalk that has been chalked with a hopscotch board, HOP
• Look up at the clouds and SPIN - unless you have vertigo of course
• Turn off the television and computer and pull out a board game tonight
• Blow bubbles 

Find a way to play.

Today, I am going on a picnic, and then a sail on a Tall Ship on Lake Michigan along the Chicago skyline with my amazing husband. 

I'd love to hear how you played today!

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Ever Have One of "Those" Days?

Do you ever have one of "those" days?
The kind where you feel kind of like a raw nerve?
The kind where people who are normally beneath your radar suddenly rub you the wrong way?
The kind where you are easily irritated or angered by things that normally wouldn't irritate or anger you?
The kind where you decide you are just "CRABBY" (or perhaps a more colorful word)

Ever have 2 of them in a row?

I've totally been having those this week! Yesterday and today as well.

When the sound of the person next to me breathing makes me feel like I'm on the other end of a high school student's bad heavy breathing call. 

And the chewing sounds like it's being run through an amplifier.
When certain people talk to you and you have to actively resist the urge to whip your head in response and snap "WHAT?!?!"

Thankfully, not only did I recognize it, but I have tools in my life ready for me to grab to do something about it! OK - to be honest, the doing something about it part happened faster today than yesterday. Yesterday, I did just seethe in red vision anger for maybe an hour.

So - I thought to myself "Self, I bet I'm not the only one that has to deal with these types of days" and I thought today would be a great  day to share my tips for taking control of your day.

1. Notice
   
   • Be self aware.
   • Be aware of your reactions, both internal and external. 
   • Be aware of your boundaries.  What reactions are acceptable and which are unacceptable, both internal and external.
2. Take responsibility   
   
   • Don't fall into the trap of placing the blame on circumstances. ("that" time of the month, sickness, an unpleasant coworker, neighbor or family member)
   • Realize that whatever the outside circumstance, it has NO POWER OVER YOU.
3. Assess the situation
   
   • Can you do something to change the situation that is blowing your top?
   • If so, calmly handle the problem, then give yourself a high five.
   • If not, resolve to let it go. If you can't control it, don't let IT control YOU.
4. Assess the urgency of your mood
   
   • Do you need to do something NOW to turn your mood around or can it wait until you get home?
5. Deploy your EMAT (Emergency Mood Altering Tools)
   
   • If the situation is urgent, the best, fastest tool is MUSIC. Not just any music. Have a go to song.
     Mine is Danzig and Shikira sing Hips Don't Lie. Not only does it make me dance (just can't prevent it) but it also cracks me up. It's loaded on my phone so I always have it with me.
   • If the situation is a slow boiler, deploy the endorphins.
     Exercise, take a class, go for a walk, run, skate, swim or bike ride, put in an exercise video.
     If you can combine the outdoors with the exercise, so much the better!

Even if you're all alone. Or as I often say, when you don't have 6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine handy, you have the power to turn your day around.

P.S. Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

How YOU Doin?

Few people I know don't hear the voice of Matt LeBlanc as the character Joey Tribbiani from Friends when they see that phrase or hear those words. 

And I think it typically brings a smile - at least to most.
I saw Matt LeBlanc on my favorite chat show and he told a story that his daughter antagonizes him by intentionally saying it wrong "How are YOU doing?" He says through clenched teeth "And I KNOW she knows how to say it right!"


When asked this question today, how would you respond? Do you actually share how you are? Do you just reply "good" or "well" automatically?

Equally as important a question. When you ask someone else that question today, do you truly listen to the response?
Do you even ask the question in response after being asked how you are? 

My husband went to college with a guy who exemplified this lack of connection. His standard greeting was "Hey, How's it going." and NO MATTER what the person said in response, he'd reply "Cool."

You may expect me to share a tip on how to take your good to great today or something similar, but I have a completely different type of challenge for you.

First, a tidbit.

Nearly every single day, I'm greeted by a stranger who asks me how I'm doing. 

It may be a cashier, a waiter, a doctor's assistant, someone at a networking event, doesn't matter. 

Nearly every day, I watch their face change when they hear my response. I see their mood change, and I see a noticeable pause in whatever task they were performing. 

I'd say at least 75% of the time their reply is something OTHER than "good" or "OK" in response. My response causes them to change theirs, even if they don't match my level of enthusiasm, which they often comment about. 

"Well, I'm darned good, I don't know if I can be fabulous, but I'm having a darned good day!"

Now, I am fairly bubbly, and I greet them with a beaming smile, but I think there are 2 things that cause them to pause and also result in their response being something OTHER than "good" or "well".

1. The word I choose is different, a word not often used in current conversation.
   
2. The word I choose is typically superlative (Super! Fabulous! Spectacular! Fantastic!)

Also, about 60% of the time, they genuinely thank me for asking how they are doing, and caring I suppose.

Now, I'm not asking you to do the 2nd thing, especially if it's not genuine, because that is just plain annoying and no one is fooled!

So, here is my challenge to you today. Whatever your mood, even if it's sour - now DON'T be the person that spills their every ache and pain and trouble to anyone who makes the mistake of asking how you are - take the half second pause it will require and think of a unique word or phrase to use.

Some ideas to get you started:

If you're having a horrible day you could say:

• Introspective
• A little dull
• A bit curious
• A little scattered

If you're "just OK" you could say:

• Mysterious
• Pleasant
• Just Chillin'

If you are "good" you could say:

• Crazy
• Amused
• Delightful
• Jolly - especially if it's NOT Christmas
• Excited

If you want to kick it up a notch and be superlative you could say:

• Magnificent
• Outstanding
• On Fire
• Glorious
• Splendid
• High on Life
• A party waiting to happen

Give it a try. It's almost as fun as the smile game! See who you can pause with your reply today! You just might make their day!

Share in the comments today --- so, How YOU doin?

Why should I care anyway?

So week by week I share tips and hints on how to reduce your stress level and find ways to be happy today instead of waiting for that "someday" to come along.



Many of you are women entrepreneurs, and maybe you find yourself sitting there saying so what? 
Why should I care about this stuff anyway? 
I'm up to my ears in an effort to find a balance between my work and my family. 
I just don't have time to even think about this self care stuff. 
And stress? Well it just comes with the territory. If I didn't realize that, I wouldn't be in this business in the first place.






Women entrepreneurs are innovators, risk takers, and unlike male entrepreneurs, they have a big mission they are working to share with the world. And that's where you tell yourself you get your daily dose of happiness. When you feel you are making a difference, when you see your mission coming to reality you say - that's what makes me happy. But I'd be willing to wager, that is what gives you a sense of satisfaction. And satisfaction is NOT the same as happiness.

 

I saw a sign in a pub once that read 
"FREE BEER TOMMORROW".
I think women entrepreneurs, especially mompreneurs wear a sign that reads "I'll be happy tomorrow".

I was reading this article today and I have included an excerpt here...

Stress management strategy #5: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.
Healthy ways to relax and recharge

    Go for a walk.
    Spend time in nature.
    Call a good friend.
    Sweat out tension with a good workout.
    Write in your journal.
    Take a long bath.
    Light scented candles.
    Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.
    Play with a pet.
    Work in your garden.
    Get a massage.
    Curl up with a good book.
    Listen to music.
    Watch a comedy.

Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.
Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Maybe I sound like a broken record. Maybe I sound young and naive (by the way I'm over 40). Maybe I sound like Bobby McFerrin.

But I'll tell you what, if you ask anyone that talks to me, I'm one of the happiest people they know. And I'm always that way. Part of that is because I choose it, every day. Some days I have to choose it over and over ;) But a really big part of it is the things I share with all of you. The things in the article excerpt above.

• I have a "me place" in my home.

• I light candles almost every day (it helps that I get them all for free of course - I can hook you up too - ping me)

• I take time every day to be fun, be spontaneous, be silly.

• I laugh every single day. Some days I feel like I can't stop laughing.

• I surround myself with like minded people who lift me up.

• I say "YES" to me at least once a week, that may be a massage, a bottle of wine with my best girlfriend, a soak in the tub, a great read in a cozy chair. Whatever my choice, it's something that I do for me and no one else with no guilt and no regret.

So why should you care?

• Nothing runs on burnt out batteries
  
• Wouldn't you like more joy in your life EVERY DAY? 

• Don't you deserve to receive the type of care you give to and demand for those you love?

• If you were talking to your sister, mother, best girlfriend and she was stressed out and about to burst, what advice would you be giving her right now?

• Today is the day to be HAPPY! We're never guaranteed tomorrow. Have big dreams and goals and aspirations, but don't put your happiness on hold until you get there.

Suddenly this song started playing in my head, so I thought I'd share it with all of you too. I know I can't help but smirk when I hear it.

C'mon get happy! 

If you've forgotten how, we SO need to talk! I can totally help you get your giggle on!!

P.S. Ready to reduce your stress? 

Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

Kids have it right

A lot of kids get a bad rap these days. We hear much lamenting about when I was young we this and we that, and kids today are spoiled, and don't know what life is all about... but kids still have it right.

 
I was introduced to this boy this week, I absolutely LOVE him and simply can't get enough. I have probably watched this video 15 times. 


Kids live in the moment. They don't put their dreams on hold, they don't set their happiness aside for another day. They have it right.

I read a blog post today by Jane Powell (love her too). She gets it too. 

I forgot for a while myself. 

It's easy to forget. We go through college and someone tells us it's time to work for what we want, and grow up and stop living with our heads in the clouds. Then we go to work and we put our dreams and our happiness on hold for "someday".

Luckily for me, my run on the hamster wheel was interrupted. My life changed when my husband was laid off in 2005 from a corporate job that had made him so depressed he was a completely different person. We likened the layoff to when a loved one has been really sick for a long time, and they pass away. It’s sad, but it’s really a relief that the suffering is over. We decided it was our last best opportunity for him to pursue his life long dream rather than go back to doing what he hated somewhere else. 

We took a huge leap and walked away from a 70K income and invested another 70K in the additional training he needed.

We decided we didn’t need to suffer any more. My husband’s happiness in his career was more important than his income or our lifestyle. I didn’t know how, but I knew I’d do anything to work it out.

So I started my business alongside my corporate position to supplement our income. I found in helping my husband make his dream come true, I not only found a dream I didn’t even know I had, but I figured out that life is supposed to be good and happy. Every day.

We enjoyed an AMAZING summer along the journey while he was building his hours.
I'll tell you... I can't WAIT until we own our own private plane. I loved driving to the airport and just getting in the plane. I loved the FBOs, kind of like a first class lounge, but it's for the private aircrafts. I loved being able to watch Mike and Jay or one of the other pilots he flew with fly the plane. On a trip back from Atlanta, GA we saw the most amazing lightning storm. Cool stuff!

We learned that it is truly never too late to bring your dream to life. At 43 years of age, my husband got hired as an airline pilot! No more sitting in a cubicle for him. We learned that anything really is possible!

And we’ve figured out that life is about each day, making the most of who we are, where we are and most importantly who we are with.

I look around and see that it wasn’t just me experiencing this - we all get so busy living life, that we forget to Live Life.

It is now my mission in life to help people find their happiness every day. Whether that is making their whole home sparkle and smell amazing, or creating a special space where they can escape and regroup, or giving them the chance to reconnect with some of the most important people in their life, or helping someone create a new career and like me, learn to dream bigger dreams.

It's easy to forget. And it's funny. You know the people who make amazing things happen in the world... the innovators, the memory makers, the Disneys and Gates and Mother Theresas of the world... they never stop dreaming. And that's what makes them great.


So today be a kid. Go out and play. Share what you will do for the sheer joy of it! Share the dream you dare to dream!

P.S. Ready to reduce your stress? 

Claim your F.R.E.E. report on why and how to take better care of YOU 

@ www.WineWomenandWax.biz

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