Women: multi-tasking vs focus and stress

As women, one of our greatest strengths is our ability to excel at multitasking, or is it? 

How many of you remember the old Enjoli commercial?

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re the man … cause I’m a woman --- Enjoli

We’re led to believe that to be a “real woman” we need to be able to do it all, starting with “bringing home the bacon” while taking care of every household detail, keeping our children away from the TV and on a gluten free sugar free non-hormone fed organic diet and still have preternaturally shiny hair!!!

Women, especially women in business, ESPECIALLY women entrepreneurs, have a constant list of items and areas in their life that they are actively working to improve.

I've taken note recently that I apparently only have the ability to really be able to focus to achieve excellence in 2 or 3 areas of my life at a time. 
Unfortunately, I have 5 or 6 that I actively want to achieve more in and be great in. 
But as I try to "do it all"...
One week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to exercise and work with my dog every day but order take out 3 nights out of the week. 
The next week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to work out 5 days that week but barely see my husband when he's home. 
The following week, I'll plan and shop and prepare super healthy meals for my husband and myself but only take the dog for 2 short walks.
 
Something always seems to fall short. 

And while I definitely excel at cleaning the kitchen while preparing an amazing meal, or listening to a great self help or motivational book while working out or walking my dog, or reading and sending emails while entering client orders, telling myself that I can focus on, and achieve true excellence in all these areas at the same time only serves to increase my frustration and stress level.

We're bombarded with images of celebrities who appear to be able to seamlessly and effortlessly "do it all" and more!

• Madonna is a Singer/Actress/Director/Fitness Guru/Mom
• Gwen Stefani is a Singer/Songwriter/Clothing Designer/Mom
• Beyonce is a Singer/Composer/Actress/Producer/New Mom
• Zooey Deschanel is an Actress/Musician/Blogger
• Jennifer Lopez is a Dancer/Singer/Actress/Producer/TV Judge/Clothing Designer/Mom

And we start to think that there's something wrong with us if we struggle to balance
Work/Entrepreneur/Home/Mom/Wife/Best Friend/Fit and Active Woman/Healthy Meal Planner

Well, just a sanity check here, note that there are some celebrities who don't excel at "having it all".

• Nicky Hilton didn't inherit the "hotel" gene.
• Natalie Portman's new vegan-friendly line of footwear was a flop.
• The Kardashians are terrible at banking.
• Kim Basinger thought Georgia could be the Las Vegas of the South
• Suzanne Sommers wanted to help you prepare family meals.
• Supermodels Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer, Elle McPherson and Naomi Campbell couldn't quite get people excited about a new cafe.

I'll also remind you that those that DO succeed and make it look seamless and effortless have STAFF... Lots and Lots of staff! 

No wonder at the end of the week, we always find ourselves with 30 things on our "to do" list that we never got around to.

So, to minimize your stress and frustration, my greatest tip is to ease up on yourself. Give yourself a break and don't expect to be able to multi task your way to all the things you're working towards all at once.

They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. I think realistically, it is more like 45-60.

First, you need to plan your schedule at least a week in advance, and honestly put on there all the things you have committments to, the non-negotiables first.
 
Then, honestly list and prioritize those things in your life you want to give focus to. 

My list is:

• My husband - plan my schedule so that we can spend time together when his schedule permits
• My dog (kid) - actively engage, train and give quality time to
• My business - grow, expand and fully book my client calendar
• Get fit and strong - exercise 5-6 times per week to lose weight and get strong and fit
• Eat healthy - plan, shop for and prepare healthy meals to achieve our weight loss and fitness goals
• My friends - schedule and spend time with my friends

Next, pick 1 or 2 things to make a focus on for a solid month, if not two.

Use that month (or 45 or 60 days) to build a habit out of this focus.
 
Once your focus becomes a habit, it no longer requires as much of your focus. 

You don't have to plan or squeeze in brushing your teeth, putting on your makeup, getting dressed or fixing your hair. Yet, you find time for those activites every day. (OK there may be days when you don't put on makeup or fix your hair, but I know you don't skip brushing your teeth!)
That is because these things are simply habit. They happen on auto pilot, without you giving them much if any conscious thought.

Finally, be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up if the 4th, 5th and 6th place items on your priority list don't get done this week or this month. You'll focus on those next month, or next quarter. BUT by the time a year is out, you will have built strong healthy habits without stress and frustration and you'll be a whole lot closer to your goals!

Share in the comments what is on your list and what your top 2 items are.

Related articles

• Today's Enjoli Woman Has A Bit More To Handle Than Simply Frying Up Some Bacon
• The Enjoli Factor
• What Does "Having It All " Smell Like

Calgon take me away!

Remember those old commercials? I totally do! And they were from before a time when I was handling grown up responsibilities like a house, husband and business.

Since then, our lives have only become more busy and more hectic. And our need for that bathtub, bubbles, and beverage has only grown. 

Here are some tips to help you claim that time and space in your home and your day.

My most popular tip is the do not disturb sign. So many of my customers use this one with great joy! If your family isn't great at respecting yours (and most aren't so don't feel bad about this) make a sign or a door hanger. 
Allow your kids (husbands included) to do the same for a pre-defined amount of time per day or per week so they feel empowered to claim their alone time and will be less likely to intrude on yours. - For example 10 year old Johnny is allowed to put out his door hanger for 15 minutes once a week. You won't disturb him during this time. This also builds a surprising level of trust and respect with your kids.
Let them know that your time will not exceed (fill in the blank with your needed time - 1 hour, 2 hours, half an hour) and that they will get your full attention when that time is up.

If that doesn't work, the ever popular lock is another great suggestion :)

In a bathroom or vanity area, we take time to look good and feel even better. Having a place where we can pamper ourselves can help us relax and tap into our playfulness.
Important elements:

• Soft lighting
  If you like to read in the tub, ample light is needed
  If you just like to soak and relax, super soft light is perfect, perhaps some candles. 
• A tub to soak in and some great bath products
  It doesn't have to be a jacuzzi, just enough to get a great soak
  Fabulous bath beads, oil or bubbles are great for that "calgon take me away" experience.
• A tray or table
  Must be within arms reach of said tub
  Nothing worse than having to stand half way up when you're soaking happily away to reach your book or beverage    
• Great towels
  You don't need to upgrade all your linens, but a couple really fluffy fabulous towels just for your special escape days are definitely in order. (a great item to add to your birthday or Holiday wish list)

It doesn't take a lot to create an extraordinary space for yourself. I'd love to help you create just the look and fragrance to make your experience perfect.
Here are a couple of sample spaces to give you an idea.

To create this look:

	Full Price	As a party guest	As a Hostess with an average party*
2 sconces	$120	$60 (half price)	FREE
Glass Hurricane	$70	$70	$35 (half price)
2 3 x 3 pillars	$22	$22	$11 (half price)
Total:	$212	$152	$46

To create this look:

	Full Price	As a party guest	As a Hostess with an average party*
3 Forbidden Fruits jars	$75	$75	FREE
Forbidden Fruits Compact	$25	$25	FREE
1 Box Large Tealights	$12	$6 (half price)	FREE
Forbidden Fruits Reed Diffuser	$22.50 (half price)	$22.50 (half price)	$22.50
Total:	$145	$128.50	$22.50

* 6 girlfriends and a bottle of wine - average sales of $500

I need a vacation

I needed a reboot!

How many times do we say "I need a vacation"? 

How often do you come back from vacation feeling no more refreshed than when you left? Possibly your stress levels even increase as a result of having to "catch up" on all the work that piled on while you were away?

We just got back from our annual pilgrimage to Atlanta, GA. It was our tenth year and it was the first time I got a total reboot.
This is not a typical vacation, we don't visit museums or lay on the beach or relax at the day spa. It is a music festival over 4 days the first 2 days are 3 hours of music each and the second 2 days are 14 hours of music each. 

We stay up until 5am (this is a picture of one of our parties in the courtyard) and sleep until 11am and don't stop laughing in between. We have made a lot of really true, great and amazing friends in the 10 years we have been attending the festival and the best and most important part of the trip every year is catching up with them. 

What made this year different for me, and I didn't realize it at the time, was that I completely unplugged. 

I didn't bring my laptop to keep up on Facebook and email. 

I brought cash so I didn't worry about how much money we were spending and whether we could afford x or y or z. 

I was 100% present the entire time. 

Really truly letting go of your cares, work, stress and worries is a blessing we don't afford ourselves. 

I honestly can't remember the last time I did it really. *REALLY*
Coming back from vacation is always a struggle and a transition, and I would definitely say that it was worse than normal for me this year. I felt foggier than normal, and more disconnected from everything. That's when I realized, my brain actually got a reboot. 

And I feel phenomenal! Energized, engaged, enthused and ready to take on the world!

I totally recommend this for everyone! Find something to commit 100% of your attention to. For at least 1 entire day, 2 is better. No thoughts of housework, or to do lists, or commitments, or children, or parents or bills or work.
None. Not a single one.

Come back and share how refreshed YOU feel!

Your Network is your Net Worth

As a woman in business, how much time do you dedicate each month to networking? Business mingling? After hours? Progressive luncheons? 

How much time are you spending nourishing your existing relationships?

This weekend, we were super excited because Mike was home for 2 of the 3 days of the 3 day weekend and this is unusual for us with his pilot schedule. We planned a dinner out and then to go see a friend's band play at a local bar.

We had such a great time! The band was great, Jeff was having a great time, and he was visibly pleased to have a superior cheering section. --- I am a fantastic WOO'er and Mike has that awesome guy whistle that can cut through a crowd like a hot knife through butter.

After they were done playing, we hung out until the bar closed and kicked us out and my girlfriend commented how nice it was to get together, and how long it has been since we've seen each other. And Jeff sent me a note the next morning thanking us again for coming out and saying how nice it was to see each other.
 

Of course, that got me to thinking.... Gosh! It has been a long time!

Why do we let these excuses get in the way?

I need to follow my own advice. and Schedule it!

We used to see Jeff and Donna all the time. Even after the first baby, even after the second baby. Since the third baby, we've just gotten lazy, fallen out of the habit of scheduling time. We've let the excuses get in the way. It's not so tough, even with the kids in activities and my busy schedule with a full time job, training schedule for my fall race and my own business. Really. We pick an evening and I pop over about a half hour before the kids hit the sack, so I get some Auntie Shannon time with the munchkins. Then we pour a glass of wine or two and catch up.

What excuses are you letting get in the way? 

What fabulous people in your life do you miss seeing?
 

What relationships that you ALREADY have in your life are you not nurturing?

Your Network is your Net Worth.