Some days are not OK

As you go through the course of your day, you are bound to encounter stress, frustration, sometimes anger, even sadness or downright despair.

You could be in a situation like I wrote about last week where you are experiencing a hostile environment either personally or professionally. You could be in a stressful job. You could just be a normal person going through a normal day where things just don't always go as planned.

And, those that know me well may be surprised to hear me say - yep, that's going to happen. Despite all the tips and tidbits I share, even if you follow the best self-care rituals on the planet, these things are going to happen. Anyone remember this scene from Forget Paris?

As I go through my day, I pass people, or connect with them over the phone, and invariably the "how are you?" question comes up. It's pretty unusual for me to respond with anything but one of my characteristic superlative replies - it seems "Fabulous" is the most common. - Right Brian Kucharski? Very often, the next thing I hear is "you're always great" or "you're always fabulous".

You know what, I am most of the time. Not always. That would be impossible unless I was really, clinically insane. (I'll never deny being a little crazy - maybe more than a little. haha) But we all have those moments, and  you know what? 

It's totally OK.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Sometimes you’ll get down, really down. Sometimes you’ll get hurt, crushed. Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed. What you resist, persists. So don’t resist. The sooner you get it all out the sooner you can move on. Now, that does NOT mean wallow, but deal with it. Finding your happiness is not about suppressing emotions, or neglecting to deal with them. It's about working through or seeing past them. And some are most assuredly more difficult than others.

One thing I do find very helpful is placing happiness triggers. 

See this little smiley face koosh dude? 

I've had him on my cube wall at my day j.o.b. for a while but recently decided to move him where he is in my sight line. He definitely brings a smile when I glance down and see him cheerfully smiling at me.

Photos, I have some photos of our trip to Barcelona, Spain above my computer monitor.

Sound, pick a great short sound byte or ring tone and set an alarm on your phone. You'll be energized by the great sound, and you can even use that as a reminder to take a breath or maybe take a break and a walk around.



Scent. Fragrance is our sense tied most closely to memory. Tuck a handkerchief in your purse sprayed with your husband's cologne. Or your baby's shampoo.

Energy boosters. Make a list of small, five to 10 minute acts that make you feel better. This is hard for many women, so don’t be afraid to start small.

Above and beyond the Happiness triggers, do one thing for yourself every day. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but it has to be JUST for you. It may be giving yourself a pedicure or giving yourself permission to say “no”. It may be flowers on your desk. Give yourself permission for indulgence. Every day.

Love your imperfections. They are a key ingredient that goes into making you you. Laugh at yourself.
Have you grabbed my free guide yet? Quick tips on reducing stress. www.winewomenandwax.biz/freebie.html

Women: multi-tasking vs focus and stress

As women, one of our greatest strengths is our ability to excel at multitasking, or is it? 

How many of you remember the old Enjoli commercial?

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re the man … cause I’m a woman --- Enjoli

We’re led to believe that to be a “real woman” we need to be able to do it all, starting with “bringing home the bacon” while taking care of every household detail, keeping our children away from the TV and on a gluten free sugar free non-hormone fed organic diet and still have preternaturally shiny hair!!!

Women, especially women in business, ESPECIALLY women entrepreneurs, have a constant list of items and areas in their life that they are actively working to improve.

I've taken note recently that I apparently only have the ability to really be able to focus to achieve excellence in 2 or 3 areas of my life at a time. 
Unfortunately, I have 5 or 6 that I actively want to achieve more in and be great in. 
But as I try to "do it all"...
One week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to exercise and work with my dog every day but order take out 3 nights out of the week. 
The next week, I'll keep my commitment to myself to work out 5 days that week but barely see my husband when he's home. 
The following week, I'll plan and shop and prepare super healthy meals for my husband and myself but only take the dog for 2 short walks.
 
Something always seems to fall short. 

And while I definitely excel at cleaning the kitchen while preparing an amazing meal, or listening to a great self help or motivational book while working out or walking my dog, or reading and sending emails while entering client orders, telling myself that I can focus on, and achieve true excellence in all these areas at the same time only serves to increase my frustration and stress level.

We're bombarded with images of celebrities who appear to be able to seamlessly and effortlessly "do it all" and more!

• Madonna is a Singer/Actress/Director/Fitness Guru/Mom
• Gwen Stefani is a Singer/Songwriter/Clothing Designer/Mom
• Beyonce is a Singer/Composer/Actress/Producer/New Mom
• Zooey Deschanel is an Actress/Musician/Blogger
• Jennifer Lopez is a Dancer/Singer/Actress/Producer/TV Judge/Clothing Designer/Mom

And we start to think that there's something wrong with us if we struggle to balance
Work/Entrepreneur/Home/Mom/Wife/Best Friend/Fit and Active Woman/Healthy Meal Planner

Well, just a sanity check here, note that there are some celebrities who don't excel at "having it all".

• Nicky Hilton didn't inherit the "hotel" gene.
• Natalie Portman's new vegan-friendly line of footwear was a flop.
• The Kardashians are terrible at banking.
• Kim Basinger thought Georgia could be the Las Vegas of the South
• Suzanne Sommers wanted to help you prepare family meals.
• Supermodels Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer, Elle McPherson and Naomi Campbell couldn't quite get people excited about a new cafe.

I'll also remind you that those that DO succeed and make it look seamless and effortless have STAFF... Lots and Lots of staff! 

No wonder at the end of the week, we always find ourselves with 30 things on our "to do" list that we never got around to.

So, to minimize your stress and frustration, my greatest tip is to ease up on yourself. Give yourself a break and don't expect to be able to multi task your way to all the things you're working towards all at once.

They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. I think realistically, it is more like 45-60.

First, you need to plan your schedule at least a week in advance, and honestly put on there all the things you have committments to, the non-negotiables first.
 
Then, honestly list and prioritize those things in your life you want to give focus to. 

My list is:

• My husband - plan my schedule so that we can spend time together when his schedule permits
• My dog (kid) - actively engage, train and give quality time to
• My business - grow, expand and fully book my client calendar
• Get fit and strong - exercise 5-6 times per week to lose weight and get strong and fit
• Eat healthy - plan, shop for and prepare healthy meals to achieve our weight loss and fitness goals
• My friends - schedule and spend time with my friends

Next, pick 1 or 2 things to make a focus on for a solid month, if not two.

Use that month (or 45 or 60 days) to build a habit out of this focus.
 
Once your focus becomes a habit, it no longer requires as much of your focus. 

You don't have to plan or squeeze in brushing your teeth, putting on your makeup, getting dressed or fixing your hair. Yet, you find time for those activites every day. (OK there may be days when you don't put on makeup or fix your hair, but I know you don't skip brushing your teeth!)
That is because these things are simply habit. They happen on auto pilot, without you giving them much if any conscious thought.

Finally, be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up if the 4th, 5th and 6th place items on your priority list don't get done this week or this month. You'll focus on those next month, or next quarter. BUT by the time a year is out, you will have built strong healthy habits without stress and frustration and you'll be a whole lot closer to your goals!

Share in the comments what is on your list and what your top 2 items are.

Related articles

• Today's Enjoli Woman Has A Bit More To Handle Than Simply Frying Up Some Bacon
• The Enjoli Factor
• What Does "Having It All " Smell Like

Life happens... Then what?

We all have plans. 

Some are laid out well in advance and carefully, thoughtfully executed.
Some we more fall into and are more a matter of a path of least resistance.

But sometimes, LIFE happens. Something changes our plans outside of our timing and our influence. Illness, natural disaster, or very often in today's world, the loss of employment. 

It hurts. We feel betrayed. We feel a sense of failure. We feel anger. 

Most of all, we feel a loss of control.

Even if, in the case of loss of employment, we didn't want to be there in the first place. Even if we were actively looking for other employment. Even if, we were dreaming of finally taking that step to become an entrepreneur.

Because, it wasn't our choice, and it wasn't on our terms.

But what if... that's exactly what we need. What if we need to be a little shaken, a little outside our plan, a little outside the box to become what we're truly meant to become.

"Change is the only absolute in the world, the only thing that you can depend on. Nothing stays the same.Tomorrow will come, bringing with it new beginnings and sometimes unexpected endings. You can hold on to the past and get left in the dust, or you can choose to jump on the ride of life and live a new adventure with perseverance and an open mind."

I've heard it said that we get messages - from "life", God, "the universe" whatever greater or inner source you believe in - and that they start out so quiet, like a whisper. To hear those first messages, you have to be still and quiet and listening. And, let's be honest, how many of us make time or effort to do that? 
So then, in increasing levels in volume and intensity, the message continues. More often than not, it ends up being a banging gong that knocks us off our feet, leaving us with the wind knocked out of our chest laying on the ground saying "OK - I get it - I hear you!"

So what's the point? Well, it's going to happen. To all of us, sooner or later, if it hasn't already and it may happen again. Life is going to happen. There will be unexpected twists and turns that will throw us off our game. That will make us feel lost, sad, confused, out of control. 

Then what?

Like anything else that causes you stress in your life, the same things I share will help get you through it. Perhaps, I humbly suggest, with a bit more intensity.

My very best girlfriend lost her employment last week. She hated the job, she had been actively looking for other employment. She had recently interviewed with a new company. 

She was still devastated. She is still reeling. 
Yesterday, we met for lunch at our favorite winery. While we didn't come up with the answers, or even the next steps, just being together, sharing our thoughts, ideas and feelings, and of course - a couple glasses of wine - I could see a change in her. Just a loosening. Just the slightest drop in tension. Just the first glimpse of relief.
I am blessed that we will be road tripping this weekend and spending 3 days together at a conference where we can bond our brains out :)  

So when life happens to you next, grab your girlfriend, or 4 or 5 of them, and a bottle or 2 of wine, and take care of one another. Listen to one another. Be with one another. It's one of the things we do finest. And, it's one of the things we need the most.

Lower your stress before you begin

I was honored this week to be asked to speak as a guest on a blog for wedding professionals. The first question on the list I felt deserved its own spot here as well as I think it can apply to all women business owners. 

What better time to reduce your stress level than before you begin your day?

What would you recommend to business owners whom are stressed out with their businesses as a quick way to de-stress in the morning before they tackle the day?

I would definitely suggest a solid morning routine which includes some inspirational self care. 

Add 15-20 minutes to your morning routine.

Optimally, you will have a lovely space in your home that rejuvenates you. This can be your back deck or patio, a corner of your living room or bedroom, or even your bathroom if it is soothing and refreshing. 

Include some soft music, this can be while you enjoy your morning beverage (coffee, tea, smoothie). 

I also recommend lighting a candle, burning incense or a fragrance warmer to add some glow and pleasing fragrance.

If you meditate, this is a perfect time to do that as a start to your day.

Key elements to reduce your stress level, whether you meditate or not:

1. You've heard this I'm certain, but be grateful for what you have right now. I'm not saying practice gratitude for what you envision having, but truly give thanks for some wonders you have in your life today, in this moment. Today that thing may be the opportunity to run your own business, or a great night's sleep, or a supportive and loving spouse, or really cushy bedroom slippers.
2. Have a notebook or scrapbook with some work you have done that you are especially proud of, that makes you feel you are doing your best work and look through these. Remember why you are doing this. Remember the purpose that you are meant to share.
3. Give focus to 3 tasks you intend to complete today to grow or expand your business. See how you will complete them and envision the impact you most desire from their implementation. 
4. (optional) Read a beautiful or inspiring quote or reading.
5. (optional) Have a funny/inspirational photo near your mirror to remind you how amazing you are.
6. (optional) MOVE! Put on a great song and let yourself sing out loud and dance around.

Now go tackle your day! Make it the best day of your life! 

I would love to hear your thoughts on the idea of adding this to your morning. Can you envision this making a difference in your daily stress level? Your general happiness with your business?