Girlfriend Guilt

If you are anything like me, you have a list of girlfriends, or other favorite people in your life that you are always promising to get together with. Do these comments sound familiar?

It's been too long, we need to get together.

As soon as (insert child's sport) season is over, we need to go get coffee.

Let's do lunch after (insert current life event).

So week after week and month after month, time expands and you still haven't kept that promise you made to someone in your life you truly care about and really enjoy spending time with. 

And it's a catch 22. You feel guilty because you haven't kept your commitment, and you feel guilty, as if it's self-indulgent, to take the time to keep the commitment. You can't win. 

And now the holidays are here, and that guilt feels more present than ever. This is the time of year to connect with those you don't see often. Now you add a layer of social expectation to your guilt cycle. 

And to top it all off, you have a boat load of extra things on your list to get done.

But what if that's the answer, not another problem?

Guess what? 

All of your girlfriends and favorite people have a boat load of extra things on their list to get done too! 

What if you did some of them together? 

• Knock out the last of your holiday shopping together
• Have a cookie baking day
• Make holiday party appetizers or hors d'oeuvres that can be frozen and reheated
• Go to drop off your holiday donations together
• Do a kid watching swap and steal 15-30 minutes to visit at drop off/pick up
• My personal favorite, and something I have done with my girlfriends in the past, a gift wrapping party - everyone has a bunch of gifts to wrap - get together at 1 person's house and visit and catch up while you get your wrapping done

These are just a few suggestions, but you can apply this to anything you have on your list. And it's not just something you can do during the holidays, any time of year you can call your girlfriend and see if she needs or wants to do one of the things on your to-do list that week. It's more fun to do together too!

That is good self-care! Getting stuff crossed off your list, banishing the guilt around keeping our commitments to our very favorite people, and the best part, actually getting to see and spend time with them!

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
 
 
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Stop and smell the Christmas Spirit

I look at my schedule for December filled with gatherings and get togethers, fun and festivities, and I think to myself, "This is my favorite holiday!" 


In Chicago, we have been having some seriously crazy weather, and we're enjoying it, but it's a little weird. On Sunday, leaving a party, I said to my hostess - Christmas music and air conditioning, it just doesn't seem right!

As I look forward to this month of caring and sharing, rejoicing and reconnecting, I am reminded of some advice I got when I was planning my wedding many years ago. 

Pay attention and enjoy the planning. The day comes and goes so fast it's like a blur. Relish every moment of the preparation.

I was thankful I followed that advice as we took a full year to plan our wedding, and true to the predictions, the day was so fast. I captured moments and committed them to memory. Thank goodness for wonderful friends with cameras that captured great moments as well.

I find we do much the same in preparation for the holidays. We make plans for a big party, or our family gathering. There's the shopping and the decorating and the wrapping and the baking. All in a rush looking at the deadline on the clock. Then December 26th arrives and the presents are gone and many start taking down the decorations and the melancholy creeps in. 

As you are making your lists and checking them twice this holiday season, take some time to stop and embrace the magic. Go ice skating, walk down your favorite city street and look at the lights, enjoy a mug of cocoa, mulled cider or egg nog. 

You'll be happy you did! 

Share what magic you plan to take a moment to enjoy this year!  

Hey! I'm going to be on the radio! LIVE on Wednesday, December 12th @ 7:00 PM CST at www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
You can listen live, via replay, see the schedule and download the Smartphone app at: www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
 
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Routine

I felt so proud of myself this weekend. 

Has anyone else bought those 4 step face care systems but almost never do all 4 steps? You know you should, you understand the steps and why they work. In my case, the system corrected my adult onset acne, so I totally get it, but in the frenzy of my morning and evening routines, I convince myself that I can't spare the 1 or 2 minutes it would take to complete "the whole thing" which I think I imagine to be like an hour in my mind. You have to wash, exfoliate, tone, spot treat and hydrate, and then there's the mask! Heck, half the time, I take my eye makeup off, but don't even manage to wash the rest of the makeup off. It's such a small thing, such a minute amount of time, but I manage to make myself believe that I can't spare even that. 

But this Saturday, I held myself to my commitment to myself. I worked out, and I did my whole face care routine in the morning. It took less than 5 minutes. I didn't manage to do it in the evening as well, but I added it to 1 routine and it made me feel GREAT!

It's funny how we can make excuses not to do the things we know we should do for ourselves, for our health and well being, even when they are small. We aren't really saving that much time for other activities, but we think we are.

But here's the cool thing... once you make these tiny adjustments and add them to your routine, you start taking better care of yourself without the herculean effort you think it requires. 

You wouldn't think of waking up or going to bed without brushing your teeth, right? It's just routine.

Sorry, had to throw in a bit of a chuckle there :) 
 
Choose something tiny, miniscule that you know you should be doing to take care of yourself. Something you've been meaning and meaning and meaning to do, but keep finding reasons not to. Add it to 1 of your daily routines. Remember, it takes 30 days to make a habit, so do it for 30 days, and see the difference it makes!

I'd love to hear the item you are going to add!

Hey! I'm going to be on the radio! LIVE on Wednesday, December 12th @ 7:00 PM CST at www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
You can listen live, via replay, see the schedule and download the Smartphone app at: www.CashFlowShowRadio.com
 
Get your free guide: “Self Care Tips for Personal and Professional Success”
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Altruism, giving, self care?

If you've been reading for some time, you may find yourself surprised by today's post. I often write about how we as women are drained and stressed out and overwhelmed by constantly taking care of all those around us. So, it may seem strange that today I am going to recommend volunteering your time to give care to those less fortunate.

But hear me out. I don't know if this is as true for all of you as it is for me, but I have a running list of things I want to do because I simply want to do them, it can be because I have an interest, because I think they will make me feel good, because I want to learn about them, or because I think they are just plain cool. 

Things like...

• Martial Arts
• Competitive Agility trials with my dog
• Kayaking or canoeing
• Making my own wine

Some things on my list I've recently actually done...

• Making my own home brewed beer
• Completing a triathlon
• Completing the Chicago Marathon

These lists go on and on. I'm sure you catch my drift. One of the things that is regularly on my list is volunteering more. But I never find the time to look into the organizations, or the time commitment does not fit my schedule, or the location or whatever. 

I'm sure many of us have heard that there is no such thing as true altruism as whenever you give to another, you get back something in return, even if it just the feeling of warmth or accomplishment or joy at seeing another's burden's lessened or heart lifted.

At this time of year, with the holidays in the air, there is no shortage of opportunities to volunteer, and organizations are openly and actively looking for assistance. Toy drives, coat drives, food drives, soup kitchens, veterans assistance, pack and send supplies or gifts to the troops currently deployed, if you live near a base, there are programs where you can invite a soldier to your home for a holiday meal, you can even visit an elder care facility and simply spend time visiting with some of the residents who don't have family that visit very often.

The different ways you can give back are limitless and the effort to find them now is minimal. You can even include the whole family and share this experience of giving and receiving with your children.

You'll find, that you get to check something off of that list of yours that you never get to AND you'll find yourself feeling warm, wonderful, and filled with joy and love.

And isn't that the whole point of self care after all?

Holiday Stress

The holidays bring with them joy, celebration and connection. They also bring their own brand of stress.
Some stresses that are common during the holidays

• Travel
• Entertaining
• House guests
• Grief over lost loved ones

 
I know in my house, I host Thanksgiving, which I love - well, I love the cooking and food preparation part. I also love selecting the fragrances of candles which I will burn and which decorative holders to display. I don't love the cleaning, neither my husband nor I do. We procrastinate and procrastinate and always end up running around like crazy at the last minute trying to make the house look as presentable as possible. Lucky for us, we're not keeping house guests, so we don't have that to add.

My sister generally travels for the holidays, she'll be coming home for Christmas, not Thanksgiving this year, but I know for her, that is extremely stressful.

And for our family, as well as many others, the holidays are a time when we fondly remember past family gatherings and miss those family members who are no longer with us. For some this stress is greater than others. My Aunt lost her husband and both her parents within a year, and the holidays are particularly acute for her.

So, while you are dressing your home, preparing to travel or perhaps readying yourself to attend a holiday meal with some family members who rub you the wrong way, be sure to take some time out to take a bit of care of yourself to maintain your sanity. 

 

Take a nap, take a bath, put on your headphones and listen to some great music, throw a great comedy into the DVD player, just do something that makes you feel good, and do it often.

Happiness is a Choice

Sometimes self-care means looking out for number one. Not in a conniving, unscrupulous manner where you hurt or use others, or succeed at anther's expense. But in a way that accepts that you are responsible for your own happiness. The serenity prayer helps to illustrate my point.

What I'm talking about today is "the courage to change the things I can".

Recently, I was in a position at my day job that was less than optimal. If I'm frank, it was downright hostile. My husband stated it very well, 

Some people, when they get into situations that they do not like - like a crappy boss, do nothing but bitch about it. When Shannon gets into one of those situations, she always does something to make the situation better. If the first thing doesn't work, she keeps trying. In the current situation, she not only got out from under the crappy boss, but she actually got a better job with more pay!

Happiness is a choice.

It's not generally easy to stand up for yourself, take a risk and make a change. But, as I often say, life is too short to wait to be happy. And no one is going to change your situation for you. If you are not willing to stand up for you, who will?

So often, people tolerate bad situations because it's easier to do nothing than to do something. But, think about what you are doing to yourself. Think about what your life would be like if you were brave enough to make a change.

Life is short.

Life is supposed to be good and happy EVERY DAY. 

If you are waking up in the morning, dreading your day, what can you do to change it? 

You absolutely deserve it.  

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Is that my Mom?

Growing up, we all had rules, right? You had to do the hard or unpleasant stuff to get the good stuff.

Eat your vegetables, then you can have dessert

Do your chores, then you can have your allowance

Finish your homework, then you can go out and play

As an adult, don't you still hear your mom's voice sometimes when you break the rules? When you think of having a nibble of chocolate before dinner? When you think of sitting down to catch your favorite show in the middle of your weekly cleaning? When your girlfriend calls to ask you to lunch but you have a to-do list a mile long? 

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to grow up so you could make your OWN rules? It happened! You're a grown up. You can make your own rules. You can have dessert first if you like. You can set aside your cleaning and watch your favorite show or go for a walk. You can meet your girlfriend for cocktails, coffee or lunch no matter what's on your list.

When you hear your Mom's voice in your head, gently remind her that in your house, you get to make the rules. If your Mom was anything like mine, she even told you that, remember? 

Make new rules! Treat yourself! Grab a glass of wine, or whatever your favorite beverage is and give yourself 30 minutes tonight even if you don't have all your chores done and find out how you can get refreshed and reduce your stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Indulgence

When you hear the word indulgence, you may picture some over privileged, vapid starlet like a Paris Hilton or a Snooki running amok or enjoying excessive luxuries. 

Small, sweet, simple indulgence can be a spectacular way to practice self care.
It can be a physical treat, I have discovered the most remarkable coffee called Highlander Grog that has a hint of butterscotch flavor. It feels sinful but it's just black coffee. I allow myself to sip my second cup in the morning slowly while I watch my dog romp in the yard. 

Something small but wonderful like a square of deep dark chocolate.

 


 It can be an activity, I invite you to check out this great little book: An Indulgence a Day: 365 Simple Ways to Spoil Yourself by Andrea Norville & Patrick Menton

Swing on a swing, make a snow angel

 


It can be going back to your High School days, and getting a flavored lip gloss in a color that compliments your favorite lipstick.

Indulgence can be a small gift you give yourself to make you feel good, feel special, feel loved. And THAT is self-care!

Indulge yourself! Mark your calendars, grab a cocktail and give yourself 30 minutes to earn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Self care doesn't have to be hard...

It can be soft, really soft 

Did you get your hug today?

You've heard you are supposed to be practicing self-care, right? And sometimes it feels like just one more thing to add to your to-do list rather than something to actually reduce your stress level, right?

It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be difficult. It can be short, it can be simple. It can be a hug.

Hugging is a great self-care ritual.

"We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”  Virginia Satir

Recent medical research at University of North Carolina found that both blood pressure and levels of Cortisol, the hormone produced when we’re under stress, were significantly lowered (particularly in women) when subjects hugged their partners for at least twenty seconds.

A 20 second hug is the optimal length - it is just long enough to trigger the release of oxytocin -- the "love drug"

Practice some great self-care today and help a friend do the same - hug someone!

Leading up to my upcoming webinar, I'm sending out daily mini self-care stress relief tidbits. Catch them on my Facebook page or on twitter.

Mark your calendar! Tuesday, November 13, 7:00 PM
Learn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar

Expectations, disappointment, and you

Have you ever found yourself in a place of excited anticipation? Where an opportunity is on the horizon, and it will be a game changer for you in one way or another? You see the possibilities lining up before you and you can picture all the great changes that will come to you as a result. You see the changes you will make as a result. It's exhilarating, the hope is wondrous, the vision is palpable. It's fun to envision this new reality.
 
And sometimes, the opportunity doesn't work out. And the more you let yourself envision it, the more disappointed you are. 

So, while you are in that place, in those long moments of anticipation, you feel the stress, the anxiety of trying to manage your expectations while remaining hopeful and holding your future vision. It's a bit like walking a tightrope.

I have found myself in this place this past month, and am in the midst of yet another opportunity blossoming. This past month, I had 3 new team members all excited to get started. One worked out. I completely let myself fall head over heels into hope. Didn't consider for a moment the very real possibility that things change, hiccups happen and life can surprise anyone at any time. Naughty me! As a result, I was very bitterly disappointed at month end to not hit my goal.

A few good lessons learned:

• Even if it looks like you are going to hit your goal, keep pushing, anything can happen and what if you exceed it?  
• Nothing is final until it is final. Life changes every day, in ways we can never anticipate.
• Stay focused on your vision, your final outcome, but loosen your hold on the specifics.

So now, as I eagerly await the outcome of this next big opportunity. I am actively trying to manage my expectations. It's tough. I find my imagination running away, painting pretty pictures in my head, which seems to lead to random humming and chair dancing.

So, my final lesson for the week, as I remain hopeful but try to manage my enthusiasm and keep my cart behind my horse, is to keep thinking about Plan B. Remembering that it is Plan B, it is "just in case" Plan A doesn't work out, but it is there and ready. 

How about you? How do you manage your expectations, and the anxiety that comes with it? 

Learn how you can reduce and relieve stress with 3 Surprising Self-Care Secrets for Busy Women in this 30 minute FREE webinar
http://www.anymeeting.com/PIID=E950DC8282473F


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